Five new signings from the youth team

We’ve promoted Emmanuel Frimpong, Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, Henri Lansbury, Håvard Nordtveit and Craig Eastmond to the first-team squad. It’s significant because the plan was to send Nordtveit away on loan if we managed to sign another central defender... and we haven’t. It’s also significant because we’ve got a couple of defensive midfielders (Frimpong and Eastmond) who’ll understudy Song. And we’ve got JET and Lansbury to bulk up the numbers and make our thin squad look fat and juicy.

It means that we’re probably not going to sign any more outfield players this transfer season. It means we’re going to go into the Premier League season with Vermaelen, Djourou and Koscielny in defence, Song in the holding midfield role, and fuck-all back-up other than a handful of kids who may or may not be good enough to play for the Arsenal. I’m not sure how this makes you feel, but it makes me a bit disappointed.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also a bit excited to see how those guys are going to get along in the first team. Promoting five players to the first team is like FIVE new signings. But it’ll be like going on safari, watching a mother gazelle give birth to its baby, watching the baby gazelle stumble around on shaky legs in complete awe at the wonders of nature... and then watching as it gets mauled by a pack of vicious hyenas. The Premier League is full of vicious, brutal hyenas, and no matter how good a face you put on it, it’s not nice being “educated” by players like Joey Barton.

So buy us a bruiser, Wenger. Buy us someone who can protect our nascent baby gazelle from a proper English education. Buy us someone who can do the job and stop relying on kids to protect your arse.

In other news, we may be about to offload Almunia and get Schwartzer in a circuitous transfer deal that involves us, Fulham, Aston Villa and Brad Friedel. I can appreciate a good bargain, but this is getting ridiculous. We should seriously consider stumping up: the £18m for Lloris; the £23m for Reina; or the £8m for Given. I like Schwartzer - he’s Australian, after all - but he was never as good as Bosnich in his prime. Beggars can’t be choosers, and if it came down to Almunia or Schwartzer, I’d chose Schwartzer, but come on Arsene.... let’s spend a bit to get a bit of quality.

So on the 256th last day of my 20s, I went to work and mooched around, finished early and went home early. I figured if Wenger’s not going to try, why the hell should I?