Even Blackpool’s bought more players than us

Blackpool has signed four new players - Craig Cathcart, Ludovic Sylvestre, Elliot Grandin and Malaury Martin. I haven’t heard of any of these players, but before this season, I hadn’t heard of Blackpool either, so I guess they’re buying at their level. I’m saying this because that’s two more players than the Arsenal have signed this season.

Is it that hard to find players better than the ones we have at the moment?

We need a goalkeeper who is better than Almunia and Fabianski. Honestly, half the Premier League is better than those two. Yes, it may be hard to find a world-class keeper who can: command the area (in front of our suicidal defence); be assertive on set-pieces (which we haven’t trained for); have reflexes like a cat; and be cheap and willing to be paid peanuts. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Let’s lower the bar a little, shall we?

We need a defensive midfielder who can double up as a central defender. Or vice versa. We need SOMEONE to sit in front of the defence, break up opposition attacks, and cover for Vermaelen when he starts to wander upfield. We also need him to cover for one of the centre-backs when they get injured. He doesn’t have to be first-choice; we’ve already got Song, Vermaelen and Koscielney(?) for that. But we DO need a spare body who has had senior experience and who can be relied upon to do a job.

My point is that we don’t necessarily need world-class signings. We just need bodies who can do the job. If Blackpool, a newly-promoted club with no money, can buy four players just like that, it can’t be THAT hard to find a couple of players who can bulk out our squad.

Time to get a move on, Wenger.

And seriously, we really need a new keeper. Fabianski is getting delusions of grandeur. He’s said:

"I hope it will be a breakthrough season for me. I have a double task. I want to be the number one in the Arsenal goal and that would help me realise my second target, to be number one in the national team.”

The longer that he thinks he’s the Arsenal No.1, the more disappointed he’ll be when we buy a real keeper. It’s not healthy. I know Fabianski’s a nice guy and Wenger doesn’t want to break his heart, but there’s no good way to let him down. Fabianski isn’t good enough to be Arsenal No.1 and there’s no point letting him think otherwise. Sometimes, you’ve got to be cruel to be kind.

So on the 257th last day of my 20s, I went to work, had a quiet day, and came home. Got a couple of gold credit cards (they’re gold!) in the mail, and a gold debit card (it’s gold!). They look shiny and new (and gold!). Going to cut up my other cards right now and start buying stuff off eBay.