Pillow Talk With Theo

"All the injured players lie on the beds together so there is a lot of banter around and that keeps everyone's hopes up."

- Theo Walcott, from The Sun

I get the mental image of a bunch of voluptous ladies sunning by the pool. They've all got sunglasses and broad-brimmed hats. They turn their heads as one, first left, then right, and then they all turn over to tan their backs. The symphony of an Australian summer that I've missed out on, so to speak.

And then, I remember that injured footballers, while desirable in their own special way, aren't comely young ladies in broad-brimmed hats. They're just a bunch of hairy, groaning, sweaty dudes who are paid way too much money, and who have spent too much time being rubbed by Tony Colbert.

Poor Tony Colbert.

It's been a busy few weeks for him. Eduardo, Theo, Cesc, Adebayor, Diaby, Rosicky... but at least van Persie's been injury-free this year. The boys out on the physio tables have missed van Persie this season, though. He was in the middle of reading Anna Karenina to the boys, and they're all waiting breathlessly to see whether Anna can recover after that nasty colonel dumped her.

We're getting players back. Eduardo a few games ago. Theo the other night. Cesc coming back soon and Adebayor probably as well. Rosicky's a bit of a basket case in terms of injuries, but you know, Tony Colbert needs someone to keep him company.

Roma up next. C'mon the Arsenal.