Dennis Lachter's Available

"I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back."

- Jerry Maguire, who's got nothing on Dennis Lachter

Andrei Arshavin has split from his manager, Dennis Lachter, after deciding that the business partnership was no longer working. Arshavin needed someone to help him in London, whereas Lachter was in Israel with a new-born son.

It's stunning news, and a great loss to the Owl. Dennis Lachter is possibly the greatest agent in the history of the world. He's better than Don King. He'll do anything to earn his client that extra 5%. He'll lie, he'll cheat, he'll flog his client to five different clubs in five different countries, start three international wars and launch a fashion label, in order to get the best deal possible.

Still, one man's loss is another man's gain. This could be advantageous for the Arsenal, but only if we act quickly and hire him. An agent of Dennis Lachter's quality is only available for a short term. There are a lot of avaricious players out there who would do anything to get an agent of Dennis Lachter's calibre. Can you imagine what Cristano Ronaldo would do if paired with an agent like Lachter? The mind boggles.

So what's the chances of Arsenal hiring Lachter? I'm not sure. I imagine a guy like Lachter works alone, like Rambo or Dirty Harry. Being tied to a large organisaion like the Arsenal would only hold him back. Things like protocols and common decency are over-rated in show business.

One can always dream, though.