Theo's NOT a nice boy

"They used to call me "Sweet Little Boy". That's why I grew the beard and 'tache. They can't use that anymore."

- Theo Walcott, a bad arse

He's such a Sweet Little Boy. 

Even when he's trying to act tough, he comes across so adorably kiddish. This is the strangest article I've read in a long time. It's about Theo talking tough and acting tough and showing the world that he IS tough. It's not working, though. He comes off like a white kid in baggy pants, an inverted baseball cap and a penchant for saying "word" a lot. 

Take this:

"It's not like me, but there was this boy who took our ball and had me in a headlock. So I punched me and made his nose bleed. I had to stand by the wall for ten minutes."

Frankly, I'm surprised that making a kid bleed out of his nose leads to 10 minutes against the wall; I thought you'd get detention at least. Still, he was a tough kid, our Theo. Baddest mofo on his block, I bet. But I'm curious what the equivalent Roy Keane anecdote would've been. I'm imagining something involving ice-picks and kidneys.

That's what I'd call tough. 

Anyway, I hope Theo thinks carefully about what he wants. He's such a nice boy at the moment, and I don't want to see him lose his decency. Because, if he wants to become a bad-ass footballer, he might gain the respect of the dressing room, but he'd be at risk of something horrifying. 

He might end up like Ashley Cole.