"What do you mean Ibrahimovic is worth £80 million? That's crazy! Who do you think we are?"
- Florentino Perez, astounded at the inflation of footballers this summer
I kid, I kid. Florentino Perez, on hearing that Ibrahimovic is worth £80 million, would probably tell Inter to make it a round £100 million because it's too much trouble to break a £100 million note. Then, he'll light his cigar with a £100 note and laugh the crazy laugh of a man who somehow conned an Catalan bank to fund the biggest, craziest spending spree of all time.
In the crazy world of Perezian economics, the more expensive a player is, the cheaper he'll turn out to be.
But seriously, there's this interesting snippet from The Times - Arsenal are in for Karim Benzema. It sounds too good to be true. But it has to be true. The Times never lie, surely? The Times are above pointless transfer speculation and petty headline grabbing. The Times are a beacon of journalistic integrity, and wouldn't dream of toying with the dreams of millions of gooners, just to sell a few newspapers. Right?
I would dearly love to see this transfer go through. I wouldn't mind selling Adebayor to get it done. I don't care if it'll kill Nicky Bendtner. I don't care if it'll bloat our trim financial figures, or shatter our delicate age structure. I just want to see Karim Benzema in a red shirt with white sleeves. He is a very, very, very talented player. And he's French. He'll bang goals in for fun and he'll act snooty to the English. What more could you ask for in a striker?
I'm loving the fact that Benzema to Arsenal has officially gone from being a physical impossibility to just being a ludicrous improbability. It's something I never would've imagine a year ago, but now, anything's possible (albeit extremely improbable). For this stunning turnaround in transfer policy, we've got one man to thank - Ivan Gazidis.
Take a bow, Tiger Man!