Lachter Wants Arshavin Out of Arsenal

"You shouldn't be prostituting yourself or changing you mind because you don't like what is happening today."

- Dennis Lachter, a pot calling a kettle black

Dennis Lachter is the king of football agents. He will lie, cheat and steal to get his player from Club A to Club B. And a year later, he will lie again, cheat again and steal again in order to get extract that player from the Club B to Club C. About a year ago during the Zenit to Arsenal transfer, we saw a true master of the Machiavellian arts at work. And after Arshavin said that playing for Barcelona would be the pinnacle of his career, it looks like we're seeing the opening salvos of the next campaign.

It'll be a shame to lose Arshavin over the summer, but it's a real pleasure to see Dennis Lachter at work. Here's what he said:

"The main thing about Arsenal is not Andrey, Fabregas or van Persie. What happens to them depends on what happens to Mr Wenger. Arsenal today is 95 per cent Arsene Wenger. The influence and charisma of Mr Wenger to Arsenal fans, the manager and the Arsenal family is huge."

Here, Lachter claims that responsibility for Arshavin leaving Arsenal belongs to Arsene Wenger. Wenger has such a large influence on the club that he alone decides whether a player stays or leaves. By inference, if Arshavin agitates for a move this summer, it's Wenger's fault. Arshavin is not responsible for his own actions.

"But he is 61 years old in October and you could read clearly in Mr Wenger's face how disappointed he was that they haven't won anything his season."

Arshavin is absolved of blame for wanting to leave Arsenal because even Wenger is upset at Arsenal's poor close to the season. Lachter also slips a reference to Wenger's age, thus subtly reminding us that time is running out, and the Wenger days must surely end one day.

"I know Andrey is never thinking twice before opening his mouth, but by the rules of democracy, anybody can say whatever they want and there is some kind of disappointment (from Andrey) because of his injuries and frustration at the results of the club this season."

Here, Lachter is using the repetition of the word "disappointment" to encourage players to associate Arshavin with Wenger. Since they are both "disappointed" at the season's results, we're encouraged to think they both are "disappointed" in the same way. We are accepting of Wenger's disappointment because we know Wenger truly loves the club and does his best to ensure our long-term success, and we're encouraged to think that Arshavin does likewise.

Moreover, there's the subtle criticism that Arshavin's discontent is the club's fault. It is NOT that Arshavin wants to move for a bigger pay-check or to a more glamour club. It's because Arsenal do not have the results to satisfy Arshavin's needs.

So which club DOES have the results that attract Arshavin?

"It is not a secret for anybody that he has a big respect for Barcelona and it's not a secret for anybody that I agreed the move from Zenit to Barcelona for 15 million euros six months before his move to Arsenal. I know Andrey would like to play there but he is a player for Arsenal."

Here, Lachter is subtly letting us know that Arsenal was lucky to sign Arshavin in the first place, since the club he really wanted to go to was Barcelona. That deal was so far advanced that a deal had been put in place 6 months before his move to Arsenal. Therefore, Arsenal have no right to demand him to stay. We've had him for a year, when by rights he should be at Barcelona.

There's nothing really over-the-top about this, but it's just an opening salvo. It sets the scene for the campaign to come. So far, Lachter has established that:

1. Wenger is ultimately responsible for Arshavin's transfer to Barcelona

2. Like Wenger, Arshavin is disappointed with the results this season

3. Like Wenger, Arshavin is running out of time

4. Arshavin has always wanted Barcelona, and had a contract with them once

5. Arsenal should be grateful for the time we've had with Arshavin

It's a solid platform from which Lachter can launch his persuasive pyrotechnics. I'm interested about Wenger's potential new signings, but I'm more eager to see Lachter's performance in the off-season. It's going to be special.

So on the 360th last day of my 20s, I went to work and asked my mate about the girl of my dreams. I've asked about her before, and he's still puzzled why I fancy her. He's married to her sister, though, so I suppose his predilections run in another direction. I realise I'm writing about her excessively, but in my defence, I'm thinking about her excessively as well. Besides, it may help my 40 year old self to know just how angst-ridden I could be in my 20s.

I'm watching Poh's Kitchen at the moment. She's cooking at Margaret River, and it's a lovely looking place. I'm kind of regretful I didn't take a trip down the coast when I was in Perth. There was an offer from a hostel down there for free accommodation in exchange for cleaning the loos. It's exactly the kind of thing a man in his 20s would do.