Post, The First

Fuckers,

This is the first in a series of fucking fantastic posts filled with fucking insightful tidbits about all things worth knowing. As such, a large part of this blog will be devoted to Arsenal FC, and in particular, how fucking frustrating it is to follow the most beautifully ineffective football team in the world.

Although the web is over-populated with Arsenal blogs, I believe I can still carve out a niche as the most deranged, garrulous and purple-prosed fucker out there. There's GOT to be an audience of my particular brand of amusingly inarticulate ranting. From personal experience, I know that fuckers in the office will read anything to keep their minds away from the mundane realities of being a white-collar grunt. In many ways, this blog is a creative outlet of my overwhelming dissatisfaction with my own work-life; and if I have to read another fucking Arsenal blog pondering the differences between a 4-5-1 with Hleb as a withdrawn striker vs a 4-4-2 with Bendtner partnering Adebayor.... I'll have to slit my fucking wrists.

Which brings me to my charter. If you subscribe to my fucking blog, I WILL make these promises to you, my passive patrons:

1/ I will not give out match previews
2/ I will not give match reviews
3/ I will not tell you who Wenger should be buying
4/ I will not tell you whether we should play 4-5-1 or 4-4-2
5/ I will not get my knickers in a knot over the colour of our away-shirt

Of course, only a complete fuckwit would hold himself accountable to self-imposed rules, so think of them more as guidelines. Some days, my disgust will overwhelm my better judgment, and I'll wade into areas I know very little about. If I inadvertently post anything analytical or thought-provoking, be assured that it's completely unintended. I firmly believe that there are excellent blogs out there which provide sophisticated analysis of all things Arsenal. If you're looking for that, I suggest you fuck off and visit one of goodplaya, gunnerblog or the-cannon.com. However, if you want to laugh at a fucking fruit-loop whinge and moan and get his fucking anger out on the fucking screen, pull up a fucking chair and enjoy.

Judging from the inarticulate and barely literate comments I've read over the years, I'm sure there is a place for a blog like this on the internet. But there's only one way to find out. Build it and they will fucking come. Hopefully.

P.S. As I'll find it incredibly boring to only whinge about Arsenal, I'll be blogging about whatever suits my fucking fancy. Yes, that's right; it's my fucking blog, and I'll blog whatever the fuck I want.