Does anybody want Eboue or Shearer?

“We will talk to Arsenal over the next few days, he is settled in London, but we’ll have to see. It’s not just Fiorentina after him, but there are also Spanish teams. There are no other news at the moment, we will know more in the coming days.”

- Emmanuel Eboue's agent

Emmanuel Eboue is a wanted man, apparently. He's a versatile full-back/winger who can dance a funky dance, is called the Pass Master, and who wants to play more games. He's being chased by Fiorentina and, um, some clubs in Spain.

I actually think we should keep Eboue. He's an experienced older body who can play a variety of roles competently. He's a handy substitute for Sagna. But if he can get a starting position at a club the size of Fiorentina, I'd be happy to let him go. At 26, he needs the game time that we can't give him.

I'm just wondering who these Spanish clubs are. All I know about football rumours comes from the internet, and as far as I'm concerned, if it doesn't feature on newsnow it didn't really happen. And there's nothing on newsnow about Eboue. If Eboue's agent is making stuff up about interest in Eboue, I wish he'd stop it. There's enough specious speculation in the transfer season without agents fabricating false rumours. And if Eboue's agent really thinks Eboue's being lusted after by a bevy of Spanish clubs, he's seriously deluded.

There's been a bit of delusion lately. I came across this article about Alan Shearer and the Newcastle United job. I've been following it for a while, and I still don't understand it. It doesn't make sense. The guy was in charge of four or five games, was odds on to keep them in the Premier League, and he led them to relegation. Why then is he still considered to be the best option for Newcastle? Why is he even considered at all?

It was meant to be temporary. Shearer was meant to be in charge for only the last few games of the season, get them out of the relegation zone, and then zip back to his BBC punditry. The way I see it, he hasn't fulfilled even one of those requirements. He's hanging around like a bad smell trying to get a permanent position. He got Newcastle relegated. And he's forestalling on his TV spot while his managerial career is in limbo.

There's this quote by ex-teammate Robert Lee, taken from the Guardian:

"I speak to Alan every day and he is frustrated to say the least. He's coming to the end of his tether. He has waited for ages and been told things were due to happen but nothing has. I'm amazed he hasn't already told Newcastle he doesn't want the manager's job any more. But there will come a point where he says 'You're too late'. He still wants the job desperately but you can't expect someone like that to wait forever."

I know he's a Geordie legend and all, but how is it that Alan Shearer is in the position to make comments like this? He's done nothing during his time as manager, and he's still expecting to be reappointed?

Hleb's A Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

I had my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich the other day, and it went better than I thought.

I've always had my doubts about peanut butter and jelly as a combination. Visually, it's an appalling mix, like pale mud mixed with congealed blood. But it tastes much better than it looks. The peanut butter cuts through the cloying sweetness of jam and leaves a pleasant creaminess in the mouth.

It just goes to show that some things work better in combination - such as Flamini, Fabregas and Hleb. We had a really good team a couple of years ago, and those three were at the heart of it. If we'd kept them all, we could well have won the Premier League last year. But it wasn't to be. Flamini and Hleb thought they were better than the Arsenal, and flitted off to Milan and Barcelona respectively. Flamini's sitting on the bench at Milan, alternating between appearances at full-back and subs at central midfield.

As for Hleb? Well, after a year of winning the treble from the substitute's bench, he had this to say:

"I regret my move from London, but unfortunately nothing can be done about it now. For me, Wenger was like a father. I consider him one of the best managers in the world. For such a boss one wants to die on the pitch. Arsene managed to create a smashing team with a wonderful atmosphere inside of it. I have no doubts that if Arsenal had the same budget as Barcelona, the Gunners would be among the three best clubs on the planet."

Hleb went from being an essential part of a tasty peanut-butter and jelly sandwich at Arsenal to just another side dish in a Barcelona tapas bar. Arsenal are a team where ordinary players combine to play tasty football. Barcelona are stuffed with bite-sized players who combine well, but who are also exquisite in their own right. And right now, Hleb knows what it feels like to be a jamon tapa in the middle of honey-glazed pork knuckle, fried squid and smoked fish and fruit pintxos.

Sure, a PB&J isn't as classy as a menu full of tapas, but it's tasty enough in it's own right. You can be quite satisfied with a PB&J sandwich. And surely, it's better to be an ordinary sandwich that's appreciated by the one that eats it, rather than a ham sandwich that's ignored on the table?

Goodbye, Adebayor

We salute you too, Adebayor.

It's lovely how the sale of Adebayor has brought us all together. It wasn't so long ago that gooners were split between the rational, intelligent, good-looking pessimists, the insanely optimistic crazy people, and the band-wagon jumping crew who have long since given up on the Arsenal. We've been at odds for so long over the direction that the current Arsenal management is taking us, so it's nice to realise that there still are some things we can all agree on.

Selling Adebayor to Man City for £25m was one of them.

I don't think we should dwell on who we're going to replace him with, whether it's Chamakh, Huntelaar or internal solutions. That'll be divisive. Instead, let's savour the afterglow of this transfer and be happy that, for once, we can all agree that this remarkable transfer was 100% correct.

In a way, it's a pity it's come to this. On the days he wanted to be a good striker, Adebayor was one of the best in the world. However, once he thought he'd made it, he stopped trying. That to me is the real shame. There's so much to like about Adebayor's game, and it's not nice to see it go to waste.

Let's hope he can peak next season against Chelsea, Liverpool, Man Utd... everyone except us, really. Because when he's focused, he's a bloody hard striker to play against.

Dirty Arsenal

"Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap"

- Acca Dacca, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

According to Theo, we've got some dirty deeds to do next season. Last year was a disappointment, due in part to our inability to grind out wins when we weren't playing well. This season, we've got to change. We have to learn to play dirty, win dirty, and um... talk dirty as well.

I'm not sure what's up with Theo these days. First off, he rebelled against Wenger and joined his England mates in the U21 tournament. Then, he got angry - really angry - at everyone, and talked about the necessity of playing angry to win. And now, he's talking about playing ugly. It's a bit of a shock, to be honest. Who's this ugly, angry young man in the Arsenal top, and where did that nice little Theo go?

Maybe it's a case of delayed teenage rebellion. Youngsters who get pressured into high-profile careers too soon can sometimes go crazy once they gain their freedom as adults. Think about Britney Spears. Now, I'm not suggesting Theo will go down that path, but I don't think it's completely out of the question to say that he'll run off and marry to a back-up dancer, have two kids, shave his head, go into rehab, and then launch a successful comeback album after a horrible mimed performance at the MTV Awards.

Stranger things have happened, after all.

I understand what Theo's saying, though. A little bit of grit and determination wouldn't go astray. The Arsenal of last season was anaemic, unfocused and barely interested. There were a lot of lacklustre draws and a number of shocking defeats, and if we'd managed to apply ourselves for all of those games, we could've finished the season a lot higher up - maybe even 3rd.

However, I don't see the correlation between playing ugly and winning matches. The Arsenal played very ugly in the middle of last season, and by all accounts it was our worse stretch of matches since Wenger first took charge. We don't need to play ugly scrappy football to win matches - we just need to play with application and focus.

I'm getting excited about the coming season. With Vermaelen in, Rosicky and Eduardo (hopefully) over their injuries and the kids having gained another year of experience, we look like we've got a pretty good squad. And if we use the Adebayor money to buy a couple of good first-team players, we're going to be competitive. We might not win anything next year, but we should come close.

Whatever happens, I hope we don't have to resort to playing ugly next season. With a potential first team line-up containing Rosicky, Arshavin, Fabregas and van Persie, it'll be a travesty if we resort to ugliness to win. Just pass, move and harass the opposition like maniacal midget minutemen, fellas. That's all you need to do.

An Adebayor's Tale

It's been a frantic couple of days for Adebayor watchers. Reports have been flying in, and it's hard to work out what's happening. It's even harder to believe most of it is probably real.

This is what I understand:

Man City offered Arsenal £25 million for Adebayor. Ivan Gazidis accepted, and then apologised profusely for literally biting Mark Hughes' hand off.

"I didn't realise it was a figure of speech," a shocked Gazidis told the press. "Honestly, Man City offered £25m for Ade, and my mind went blank. Just think about it - £25m. I was expecting £10m, £15m tops. Who pays that kind of money anymore? Hell, I'm taking the rest of the summer off and going to Disneyland!"

The deal looked to be in jeopardy hampered as Hughes was rushed to hospital, but was later completed when Hughes signed the agreement with his mouth.

"I'm not letting Adebayor go," Hughes said tersely. "First Kaka, then Eto'o, now Ade-fucking-bayor? If he rejects us as well, we'll be the laughing stock of the Premier League... eh, even more so."

Adebayor then received a work permit to play for Man City. An inside source said that while he might have failed the exceptional talent criteria on the football pitch last season, he more than made up for it with his snazzy fashion sense and dance moves.

"I can't wait to see him on the dance-floor," gushed Artie the Man City tea-lady. "Can you imagine him and Robinho hitting the town next season? It'll be like the Hacienda days again!"

However, Adebayor then had second-thoughts. He realised that signing a £150,000 a week contract with Man City might look a bit mercenary to his fans back in Togo. He understands that the media can twist a guy's words, after all, and he was worried that his eagerness about joining the Man City revolution might be construed as an act of money-grubbing greed. And as we all know, he's not the mercenary sort.

"There's more to life than just money," Adebayor mused. "I wouldn't leave Arsenal purely for money. I also want all the stuff you can buy with money."

After he thought through the implications of the move, he decided the best way to retain everyone's good opinion was to get his agent to hawk him out to Man Utd for £170,000 a week.

"I thought they'd buy him," Adebayor's agent explained sheeplishly. "I mean, we bought Silvestre last year, so Ferugson owes Arsenal big time. And if they're desperate enough to buy Owen, they're worth a shot, right?"

And back at Arsenal, our proposal to buy Marouane Chamakh has hit a snag - Bordeaux has insisted that we throw Silvestre in the deal as well. I'm worried about this one. Transfer window closes in two weeks - I hope we can stop laughing in time to accept that bid.

Honestly, if it weren't on the internet, I would've thought that this was all made-up.

The Board Have A Cunning Plan

Robert Preston from the BBC has an interesting summary of the rights issue.

Lazard Brothers, the bank Usmanov used to support his proposal, believes that earnings before interest will fall from between £55m-60m in 2009 to £35-40m in 2010, that the Highbury Square deal will turn out to be unprofitable, and that there isn't enough funds to remain competitive with the top sides. On the basis of this, Usmanov proposed an injection of £150m via a rights issue of new shares.

Rothschild, the bank that advised the board, suggested that the money would only save £5 million in year in debt, that there are better alternatives than a rights issue, and that Wenger is'nt hampered financially.

Now, 5 million a year isn't a lot of money for a £Club with 350 million in debt. And I don't think anyone outside of the Club can say whether the current finances circumstances are hampering the development of the squad. But I was puzzled by the second point, which was:

"There are better ways to rehabilitate the Highbury redevelopment, including a putative cunning plan under negotiation right now - and even if the worst came to the worst, there should be no direct financial contagion to the club, since the providers of the property loans have no recourse to the footballing assets."

I admit, I'm not blessed with financial knowledge. Actually, most of what I know about finance comes from Usmanov, Kroenke and the Arsenal. Thanks to the boardroom tussles, I now know about things like rights issues, leveraged loans, the intricate world of property development... who said football can't be educational?

But this is something that got me baffled. What exactly is a "putative cunning plan", and how is it better than getting a free £100 million from the shareholders? My only knowledge of "cunning plans" comes from Baldrick of Blackadder, and most of his plans weren't very good. They usually involve something violently stupid.

I really hope the Arsenal board's plan is a lot more cunning, because I get the feeling that we're sending this team into the season like the British High Command sent troops over the top in Word War 1. As like in Blackadder Goes Forth:

Private Baldrick: I have a plan, sir.
Captain Blackadder: Really Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?
Private Baldrick: Yes, sir.
Captain Blackadder: As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?
Private Baldrick: Yes, sir.
[another call: On the signal, Company will advance]
Captain Blackadder: Well, I'm afraid it's too late. Whatever it was, I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of here by pretending to be mad. I mean, who would have noticed another madman round here?
[a whistle blows he looks at Baldrick]
Captain Blackadder: Good luck, everyone.

Spending Adebayor's Millions

"Manchester City were last night closing in on an incredible £25million deal for Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor after finally completing the signing of Carlos Tevez."

- The Daily Mail, who seem very excited about transfers

I wouldn't call it incredible, since this is the summer that Melo was valued at £21.5m, Tevez at £25.5m and Valencia at £17m, but it is a lot of money. Actually, considering City are willing to throw £30m at John Terry, I thought they could've given us an extra £5m or so. Adebayor dances a lot better than Terry, after all.

I really hope this one goes through. Adebayor might not be what City need, but getting him out of Arsenal is what we need. Adebayor offers a lot to Arsenal, but it's doubtful whether he's motivated enough to deliver. And if that money can be re-invested in a really, really good player, then we're almost good to go.

I suppose Chamakh's the favourite as the replacement, but to be honest, I'd rather keep the money and splurge on that defensive midfielder we really require. We've van Persie and Eduardo as our main strikers, with Bendtner and Walcott as our reserves. That's fairly strong, provided we can keep everyone healthy. It's stronger than our midfield, at any rate. We really do need someone to partner Cesc, someone preferably more experienced than Blaise Matuidi.

The transfer market is inflated at the moment. Even Alex Ferguson finds it a bit over-priced. So maybe we should prioritise which positions we really need to strengthen. I'd like us to make a bid for Diarra from Real Madrid. He's 28, a destroyer in midfield, and has the experience to lift our youngsters to the next level. And even if he'll cost us 80,000 a week, he'll still be worth more than a disinterested Adebayor.

David Bentley Punched In The Face

'What gives someone the right to walk up and attack me when I'm enjoying a meal?'

- David Bentley, who should've read the fine print in his contract

As reported from the Mirror, David Bentley was having a meal at a restaurant when another diner walked up to him and hit him in the face. As Robert Segal, Bentley's agent, recounts:

"David is pretty shaken. He was in the restaurant with his best friend and their respective partners. A guy walked over and started talking gibberish to him, then he just took a swing and punched him. David's fiancée, who is seven months pregnant, had just been to the loo and saw the whole thing. Obviously, she was very upset about it.

"David's mate jumped up and ran after the man and he got punched as well. It was obviously premeditated because the other people at the table got up and ran out of the restaurant. They had taxis waiting outside."

It's not clever, and it's not something I'd condone... but I've got to admit that I had a giggle over it. It must be quite shocking in the immediacy of the moment, but when you're reading about it halfway across the world, it's got a bit of a Benny-Hill-meets-The-Godfather feel to it.

I'm struggling to figure understand the assailant's motives. A lot of people would've been quite chuffed at seeing an England international. It doesn't happen every day. If they were sycophantic, they might have been tempted to ask for an autograph. But these guys weren't the sycophantic sort. Instead, they sat stewing in their righteous anger all throughout dinner, until one of them decided to get up and hit Bentley.

So why? Or could it be that David Bentley is so obnoxious that his mere presence provokes people into acts of rash violence? He does play for Spurs, after all.

Maybe I'm being unfair. Maybe it had nothing to do with David Bentley per say. Maybe punching David Bentley in the face was on that guy's "100 Things To Do Before You Die" list. Maybe he's from Fight Club and his homework assignment was to get into a fight with a footballer and lose. Or maybe he figured that since Premier League footballers always get into fights anyway, he'd save everyone some time and make a preemptive strike?

I'd be amiss if I didn't dredge up this quote by David Bentley, back in 2007 when he was still a Blackburn player and rival football fans only talked about wanting to punch him in the face while having dinner at a nice restaurant in the presence of his heavily-pregnant fiancee:

"People boo me, but most of them don't even know why. It's all heart and no brains. Sheep following sheep. I play up to it - stick two fingers up at them behind my back to wind them up. It's all good banter and, hopefully, when the pantomime stops, the fans at least see me as someone with a bit of personality on the pitch. I don't want to be boring, and the truth is I enjoy it."

I wonder if he's still enjoying it?

Flamini's not a full-back

They say the next big thing is here,
that the revolution's near,
but to me it seems quite clear
that it's all just a little bit of history repeating

- History Repeating, by the Propellerheads

Mathieu Flamini's angry because he's going to have to play at full back for Milan. He had to fill in as a full back last year due to the thinness of their squad, and he hates the position. As he told Sky Sports,

"I don't want to play as a full-back, I am a midfielder. This year Milan will be strong in defence."

It's a shame, because he's quite good at it

Our 2006 Champions League cup run famously took the record for longest time without conceding a goal. It was such a patched up line up - Flamini, Senderos, Toure, Eboue - that you wouldn't have thought it possible that they'd hold out Juventus and Villareal, and come so close to upsetting Barcelona. It seemed contradictory that such a mismatched grouping could have had such sustained success. And yet, it did.

At the heart of the puzzle was the question of Flamini. He was a mediocre defensive midfielder who'd been shoehorned into the left-back position because of Clichy's injuries and Cole's petulance. He'd never played in that position before. There was no indication, other than his phenomenal work-rate, that he'd be any good at it. But it worked.

He took a stance the next season by refusing to play left back, claiming that he only wanted to be a midfielder. At the time, it seemed like an astonishing bit of petulance. He was a squad player as a midfielder, and probably first choice as a full-back. The pragmatic thing to do would be to play wherever he was needed. But he proved the doubters wrong in the end by playing that brilliant 07-08 season as our defensive foil for Cesc.

When he signed with Milan, I'm sure he did so with the expectation of playing in midfield. After all, he'd played there with Arsenal quite well. The last thing he'd expect was that he'd be forced to play at full-back again.

It'll be quite funny if it wasn't so puzzling.

What problem does he have with playing at left back? It's not like he's playing in a glamorous role at the moment. Flamini's role is basically to chase after the ball until the opposition get sick of the attention. And as Daniel Alves has shown, being a full-back doesn't necessarily mean you can't also shine as a winger, midfielder, striker, centre-back...

What's Wrong With Cesc?

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."

- Oscar Wilde, feeling Cesc's pain

It's desperate times at Real Madrid. The magical transfer pot has dwindled to a paltry 50 million or so, the number of prospective Galacticos has been culled, and Florentino Perez has been reduced to throwing euros at completely random players, hoping desperately that some of it will stick.

At the moment, Real Madrid are bidding for Xabi Alonso and Gaetano D'Agostino, had a bid for Daniele De Rossi rebuffed, are still hopeful for Franck Ribery... but they're not at all interested in our Cesc Fabregas. As Real Madrid's sporting director, Miguel Pardeza said:

"He is a great player, there's no doubt about that. But at this moment he is not a target for Real Madrid. The club are working on other alternatives."

Is anyone else feeling a bit left out? I don't want Cesc to leave, and I find all the transfer speculation annoying, but couldn't they even consider our Cesc for a moment? I mean, he's a great player. He's as much a Galactico as anyone on the Real Madrid lineup. At a time when a link with Real Madrid is akin to a nomination for FIFA World Player Of The Year (and the list is probably just as extensive), this rejection hurts.

So what's wrong with Cesc? Why don't they want him? He's at least as good a passer as Xabi Alonso. He's not as tough as De Rossi, but he gets stuck into it when he has to. He's young and spiky, wears puffy parkas and spits on people. He's like a supremely gifted llama. So why aren't Real Madrid interested?

In other news, Stan Kroenke's inching his way towards total domination. He's just paid 1.5 million pounds ($2.44 million) for another 160 shares at £8,500 each. He owns 28.58% of the Arsenal at the moment. This from a guy who doesn't want to inject funds into the Arsenal, but seems quite happy to spend lots of money buying it up. Now, I think Kroenke is a good influence at the Club - he has a trustworthy mustache, after all - but I am wondering about the future of the Club. Does Kroenke plan to do something expansionary with the Club, or is he content to maintain the status quo?

And then there's this good article from David Conn about the rejected rights issue. I think the Board's done us a disservice by not considering this rights issue more fully. But it's dead and buried, I guess, so we'll just have to move on from here.

van Persie Believes!

"There is ambition. I have spoken to both the boss and [chief executive] Ivan [Gazidis] about it... I trust him and my message to everyone is: be patient, trust the team and the people above."

- Robin van Persie, trusting the Club that I no longer can

van Persie stalled on his contract for six months, believing that the Arsenal were unambitious and unable to challenge for trophies. He said there was no issue with the money; he was perfectly happy to resign provided there were indications that the Arsenal were on the way up. He wanted to win trophies, and he didn't want to wait until the kids had grown up.

He kept that stance for months on end, until just a couple of days ago when he signed a new contract with the Arsenal. And now, van Persie's a born-again Arsene Knows Best believer, and he's preaching the good news to a crowd of sceptical gooners. And I'm wondering, what made him come around?

From my point of view, I can't see much to get excited about. Yes, Song improved quite a bit over the last half of the season. Yes, Arshavin proved to be an inspired buy. And yes, Vermaelen was signed promptly, without the protracted ennui we've grown accustomed to. I agree that the noises coming from the Club are encouraging. But is that reason enough to put on our happy faces and wear our "I ? The Arsenal Board" T-shirts?

I say no.

We've been down this road before, you and I. And quite simply, I don't trust myself to believe in a Club that's let me down before. Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me several times with gritty away wins and improving youngsters and title challenges that crumble at the first sign of resistance, shame on me. To believe that this Club will change is to open up, to be vulnerable, and we all know what happens when that happens.

I'd like a bit of van Persie's optimism, to be honest. There must be something overwhelming to have persuaded him to sign over the best years of his career to the Arsenal. I could use some of that. My own optimism is like a plastic bag - it puffs out when caught in an updraft, but in moments of depressed air, it's just a deflated little husk of a thing.

I'm kind of sick of words, and promises, and pretty speeches from our players vowing to try harder. We've heard it all before, and it's hard to take it at face value when you know they've disappointed in the past. Belief doesn't exist in a vacuum, after all - you need something of substance to prop it up.

That said, this is something that restores my faith in agents somewhat - Dennis Lachter, holding onto his contract with Arshavin and telling the world that it's legally binding. This, from the man who treats player contracts like a lover's sweet nothings, who has no scruples when it comes to other people's obligations:

“He sent me a letter, absolutely. Listen, it’s like entering a contract with Arsenal or anybody else; there are obligations. If you think that you can just cancel this formal relationship between two parties only because of a newborn baby it’s…what can you say…well you can’t do it. That’s it. I’m his agent.”

He's a funny man, Dennis Lachter. And he's brilliant at what he does. If Arsenal hires him, then I'll start to believe again in our ambitions.

We don't need that sort of money

Bart: Okay, we're young, rich, and full of sugar. What do we do?
Milhouse: Let's go crazy, Broadway style!

- Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood, the Simpsons

Unlike Bart and Milhouse, we're not going to go crazy, Broadway style. We're not even going to go crazy Real Madrid style. We're going to sit at home and count our pennies. It turns out that we're not young, rich and full of sugar - we're a club of accountants, not a club of Perezian capitalists.

After all, we're the club that turned down £100 million.

Ivan Gazidis had this to say about the right issue:

"With regard to debt, the conclusion reached is that the Club has a very efficient capital structure with long-term debt on attractive interest rates. We can comfortably afford to meet the annual costs of this debt while at the same time generating surplus funds to invest in the Club. Using permanent capital to pay down debt would not, therefore, radically transform the annual cash flow of the Club."

So, in a few sentences, he's told us that we're not mired in debt, and we DO have the funds to invest in the Club. In fact, we're so comfortable that we don't need a £100 million cash injection to pad out our debt, nor to augment Wenger's transfer budget. Everything's fine as is.

Then again, we couldn't afford £21.5million for Melo, and it seems like we need to sell players to generate funds for further acquisitions. The rest of our transfer season seems to hinge upon getting rid of Senderos and Adebayor. So despite our debt being well-structured and on attractive long-term interest rates, maybe a few £££s wouldn't go astray on the transfer front? Apparently we're after Ever Banega now, and even though he's potentially world-class in Football Manager, I'd rather someone proven in real life.

I realise my stance reeks of short-termism. We have a club with a sustainable financial structure. We're the only club in England that has that. We're not Man Utd or Liverpool, who are both mortgaged to the hilt with bad debt. We're not Chelsea or Man City, who're at the whims of billionaire playboys. We're the Arsenal, and the only way forward for us is to play it safe with regards to our finances. It'll be a tragedy if we muck up and sink the club into a Leeds-style fiasco. And it'll be even worse if we were gobbled up by Usmanov.

But still, a rights issue of £100 million wouldn't hurt. Especially if it's negotiated so that none of the major share-holders increase their stake relative to each other. All it would mean is that Kroenke coughs up £25 million, Usmanov £25 million, Fiszman £10 million, and so forth. And then Wenger would have the cash to buy players who are already right now. Like Melo.

The whole idea that we're so well off that we don't need £100 million, and yet have such a small transfer budget that we need to sell to buy, is inconsistent. Either the Club have the money to service the debt and retain a squad that can challenge for the leage, or we don't. If the Club has that money and isn't spending it, then it's doing us a disservice. If the Club doesn't have that money, surely it should consider alternative methods of raising such funds, such as the rights issue?

This rejection shows the aversion the Board has towards Usmanov. That's acceptable. When the guy walks, storm clouds rumble with apocalyptic gloom. But worryingly, it also shows that Kroenke, Fizsman and co. are happy to spend millions buying out each others' shares, but not so happy to splurge a bit to make Arsenal a better team.

And that's not acceptable, as far as I'm concerned.

Lachter would be like a new signing

"Before anything else, Barcelona should make a formal offer. Then we can sit down and speak."

- Dennis Lachter, offering Arshavin up for transfer

Dennis Lachter is the best football agent in the world. He's unscrupulous, devious, bold, greedy, and persistent. And if that's not enough, he's just shown that he's completely dedicated to providing the best deals for his players - even if he's no longer working for them.

Arshavin and Lachter parted ways a couple of weeks ago, and yet Lachter's still trying to angle a move to Barcelona. I'm not sure why. There's no commission in it for him. My only guess is that Lachter is such a devoted agent that he's willing to pull for his player, without pay.

How many football agents in the world would do that?

I'm saying we should sign Lachter and give him responsibility for transfer negotiations. We need to turn his talents to good, instead of evil. If he was an Arsenal agent, our current negotiations with Fiorentina wouldn't be at an impasse - Melo would be ours, Eboue and Senderos would be out, and we'd probably even make a profit out of it. That's how highly I rate the guy.

As it stands, it seems that Wenger's really keen on Melo but he can't afford to pay £21.5 million. Instead, he's offering two players, plus cash. It makes you wonder how much transfer money we've really got left. Could it be that the purchase of Vermaelen wiped us out? Are we relying on the sale of Adebayor to fund additional purchases? Are we going to miss out on a DM if we can't move a few players on?

It's for reasons like these that I urge the Arse to sign Dennis Lachter.

Was Dindane A Target?

"The Ivory Coast international has also been linked with a string of Premier League sides during the close season, including Arsenal, Tottenham Hotspur, Aston Villa and Stoke."

- FourFourTwo, about the transfer prospects of Lens striker Aruna Dindane

Aruna Dindane is an Ivory Coast international striker playing for Lens in Ligue 1. He's been linked with a Saudi club (Al-Hilal), and a whole heap of Premier League clubs including Arsenal, but he insists that he's happy at Lens, saying:

"No one is pushing me away from Lens. I thank them for all they did for me when I was injured. If the club wants to sell me I can't do anything, it depends on the chairman."

I'm not trying to disparage this guy, but who is he, and when was he linked to the Arsenal? As far as I know, Arsene Wenger has taken an interest in Vermaelen, Chamakh, Benzema (briefly) and Melo, and no one else. Where did the name Aruna Dindane come from?

It seems that underneath the frenzied rumor-mongering of the transfer market proper lies a rich current of subterranean transfer rumors. This is the zone in which "Dindane to Arsenal" inhabits, swimming quietly in its murky depths until one day, it's hauled up into the light of newsnow. There it thrashes around in the unnatural sunlight, until it's to mercifully sink back to the bottom of the rumor market.

It makes you wonder how many other players are linked to the Arsenal, beknown to the world. There must be, literally, a hundred players linked tenuously to the Arsenal. I'm sure a lot of them don't even know they're linked to the Arsenal.

Actually, how do all these players get linked to Arsenal? It's interesting because we seem to be linked with a disproportionate amount of players, considering how few we seem to buy. Do you have to make a formal offer to the Arsenal? Or is there just a checklist of transfer-linked clubs on the press-release form, and most journalists tick the "Arsenal" box because it starts with an "A"?

I don't think we'll ever find out. And I don't think we ever want to. If we know the secrets of the transfer market, it'll ruin the magic of it. Rumors are to the transfer season what Santa is to Christmas - there's always the hope that if we've been good fans one year, the Wenger Claus will reward us with a shiny new player.

Whatever the case, good luck Aruna Dindane. We hardly knew you.

Keown Speaks

There's this really interesting interview with Martin Keown.

There's a whole world beneath the one that football fans inhabit. We tend to skim the surface of things - watch a match, read a report, scream abuse at a player - and have no idea what's happening below that surface. And hence, our version of the reality of a football club tends to be a bit skewed.

So it's nice sometimes to read an interview by a guy who's (presumably) still in the thick of things. Keown's played for the Arsenal, and he's coached our defence to a Champions League Final. He speaks with authority when he talks about Senderos and Djourou and the chances of them breaking into the Arsenal first team. And unlike most pundits, he's actually got an idea about how the club is being run, and why Wenger does the things he does.

I'm not going to go into it in detail, because it's worth a read by itself. However, I did want to comment about one revealing comment he made about the mooted rights issue:

"It’s an interesting angle as it appears that rather than buy shares in the club somebody is still willing to inject money".

It's strange that, despite all the billionaires and millionaires fighting for Arsenal shares at the moment, no one other than Usmanov is willing to put some of that money into the club. Money put into the transfer kitty isn't dead money - used properly, it can be considered a sound investment. Success and trophies are as much a guarantor of financial stability as bricks and mortar. The two kind of go hand-in-hand. After all, those season ticket paying fans wants to see something shiny at the end of the year. And you can't really expect to see success and trophies unless you've got a deep, experienced squad - something we sorely missed last year. Because as Keown put it:

"If I was a young player in the two semi-finals in the FA Cup and Champions League I’d have liked to have been able to look around that dressing-room and seen a bit more experience, just to keep me calm. There was plenty of raw ability but not quite enough experience."

Cesc to Barca... again

"Cesc is wanted by me, by the coach Pep Guardiola and by the sport director Txiki Begiristain. We are concentrating all of our efforts on it, but at the same time we have a lot of respect for Arsenal. We have positive relations with Arsenal so it will not be an easy topic to talk to them about."

- Jose Laporta, respectfully trying to tap up Cesc Fabregas

With friends like these, who needs enemies, hey?

I'm glad Barcelona have "positive relations" with Arsenal, because I'd hate to see what would happen if our relationship turned frosty. I'm imagining a midnight raid and a bottle of chloroform would be involved, followed shortly by a grainy video of Cesc with a gun to his head, imploring Arsenal not to try to rescue him because he's "very happy to be with his new friends".

The whole Cesc-Barcelona saga is getting a bit drawn-out. It's a bit like the closing stages of the Cold War - you know nuclear Armageddon could occur at the push of a button, but the threat's been around for so long that it's lost its power. Similarly, we know Cesc is going to leave us one day, but we've read these tap-ups so many times that it's a bit like "Duck And Cover".

Still, the end just might be in sight. Just as the Cold War ended in a whimper, so too might the Cesc War. This, from Arsene Wenger:

"I refused (Real Madrid) because I have built a young team and I have the feeling that I have not finished my job. I am not denying it will be a decisive season. If we are not in the title race, we will have to build everything again."

2009-2010 will be a decisive season. Either we shape up as contenders, or we'll rebuild. And I can't see Cesc sticking around for another lengthy rebuild. The boy wants trophies, and he wants them now. And in 2010-2011, he might be striving to win them in La Liga and not the Premier League.

It's an interesting quote from Wenger. After years of transition and false starts, after all the times he's defended his players for their lack of fight, lack of experience and even lack of talent, it's a refreshing admission. The youth project can end, and it might end soon. I hope Wenger prints this quote out and sticks it on the dressing room wall. It might give the boys something to play for - their careers.

Owen to Utd

"I've got skin thicker than 99.9% of the population and I have got used to it. I'll come back. I'll play well and score goals once more."

- Michael "The Elephant Man" Owen, about to sign with Man Utd

Maybe Ferguson knows something we don't? Because he's just about to sign Michael Owen, the man who most of the Premier League wouldn't touch in fear of catching "injury-proneness".

Whatever the reason, Michael Owen's got a medical at Old Trafford today, and could be playing for Man Utd next season. That's only if he passes a very stringent medical, of course. He's got a history after all, and you wouldn't want him unless he was okay. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if they got Owen to do some of those World's Strongest Man events just to make sure he's fit.

It makes you wonder, though. First they lost Ronaldo. Then they lost Tevez. Then they missed out on Ribery, and then on Benzema. And now, they've decided to latch onto Michael Owen. £80 million doesn't get you much these days, does it? I wonder what Man Utd fans are thinking; must be similar to what we gooner think every frickin' day.

But he's still a good player, is Michael Owen. He'll give you goals, if you can supply them. Bung him in a 4-3-3 with Berbatov and Rooney, and he'll have so many chances that even Adebayor could get a hattrick. The only problem is that he's pretty much just a poacher. And if you're fielding an ornamental footballer like Berbatov as well, that might be one passenger too many.

Oh well, we'll wait and see. Interesting one, this one.

Farsenal

"The club is fundamentally strong. I can say with confidence that provided we don't do foolish things, this will be one of the leading clubs in the world this year, five years from now and 20 years from now. This is not some experiment to see how successful we can be over the next couple of years, and who knows where we will be after that. This is a good, sustainable business."

- Ivan Gazidis, no longer sticking it to the man

I'm going to rescind my batch of "I ♥ Gazidis" T-shirts. There's no need for them. Ivan Gazidis isn't a tiger who fights for ordinary, glory-hunting gooners anymore. He's not a relentless negotiating machine, ready to sign players who match our ambitions. No, Ivan Gazidis is a corporate drone now, repeating the company line and supporting a "sustainable business" model for the Arse.

On a day when Real Madrid bought Karim Benzema for £30 million, that's sickening.

There's something terribly wrong with Gazidis' comments. Saying that Arsenal could be "one of the leading clubs in the world" in five years' time discounts the fact that we could be one of the leading clubs right now. We've got one of the highest turnovers in the world. We've got the devoted fan base. We've got £100 million in the bank. And we've got a manager who's still regarded as one of the best in the business.

All we really need is ambition. We need the ambition to actively look for success instead of waiting for it to fall into our laps. We need a few experienced signings, some discipline in the dressing room, and a serious focus on defensive training and set-pieces. That's it. And it's doable. Hire Keown as a defensive coach. Crack open the transfer kitty and buy a defensive midfielder and a striker. Crack down on the trouble-makers.

We're not going to get that, though.

We're going to get a "good, sustainable business". This means rolling along in 4th place, minimal expenditure on the transfer market, heavy investment in youth and raking in the profits from (hopefully) a sell-out audience. Instead of trying to compete with the Top 3, we're just going to sit back and hope for the rest of the Premier League to collapse under the weight of its debt. It's weak.

Gazidis also said this:

"The road we have chosen is a challenging one. It involves developing young players we believe can form the basis of a world-class team over the next five years. And at times along that path we have had to pay for player development through points. Certainly the team needs to turn potential into real results; they know it is time to step up."

This is what we heard the season after we sold Vieira. Why are we hearing it again? What happened to the intervening four years? Wasn't that supposed to be the transition period we claimed we needed?

Words fail me at a time like this.

The 'hoff is Off

"Amaury will be leaving after failing to make an impact during his one season at the Club. The Portuguese Under-21 international played most of his football in Neil Banfield’s Reserves but did make four substitute appearances for the first team."

- Arsenal.com, on one of our eight delisted players

Amaury Bischoff's signing was a strange one. Okay, he arrived on a free and didn't cost us much. And he had talent. But he was injury-prone, and had only featured once for Werder Bremen. Even Wenger admitted that signing him was a punt.

His year with the Arse was a bit underwhelming. He made played a bit in the Reserves and he got a few apperances in the senior team, but didn't really do anything to impress. I think he had four appearances for the team? It's saying quite a bit that he couldn't break into the first team, especially since we were playing Denilson-Song for quite a large section of the season.

So why did it happen? Why did Bischoff want to leave Werder Bremen?

We're talking about a strong German club with good prospects. They won the league recently. They offered him a contract extension, and obviously rated him. He hadn't played much senior football beforehand, and the sensible thing would've been to stay an extra year, get over the injuries and focus on winning a spot in the first team.

And yet, when the Arsenal came calling, he decided to jump ship and try his luck at one of the biggest clubs in the strongest league in the world. The jump between the Bundesliga and the Premier League is substantial. The jump between reserves football in the Bundesliga and first team football in the Premier League is even greater.

And yet, he decided to do it. He decided to take a punt, and he wanted to go for the exotic. He gambled on the chance that his potential was good enough, his body was strong enough, and his talent could develop fast enough to cope with the demands of the Premier League. I suppose it's one of those situations when you're either going to try, or you're going to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.

I supposed he's pretty gutted at the moment. The chance of playing for a club like the Arsenal comes along once or twice in your career. I always wonder what happens to players when they get delisted. It can't be easy bouncing back. I understand that he's fielding inquiries from a host of Portuguese clubs, so at least he's got a back-up plan.

Good luck, Amaury.