Hleb regrets leaving Arsenal (again)

“I regret leaving Arsenal. I was playing every week for one of the most exciting sides in Europe. I was being guided by one of the best coaches in the world in Arsene Wenger. I owe him a great deal. No player ever gets worse under Wenger. I developed a better all-round game under him. I became more robust physically.”

- Alex Hleb, regretting leaving Arsenal... again.

On a slow news day, Alex Hleb has spoken again about how much he regrets leaving Arsenal. At the time, given the protracted nature of the transfer, I got a bit annoyed at him. We'd come so close to winning the Premier League, and then within the space of a few weeks half our midfield deserted us for more glamorous European clubs.

But with the benefit of hindsight, I don't think he should be regretful. If you've supported Barcelona all your life, and one day they show an interest in you, you've got to go. Especially if you're 28 and it's the last chance you'll ever get to play for Barca. If it doesn't work out, so be it - at least you had the guts to take a chance. After all, the only things you should ever regret in life are the chances you didn't take.

I don't think we ever appreciated Hleb as much as we should have. I admit I was one of those who would shout "SHOOT!" at the computer screen whenever Hleb had the ball. And I was pretty blase at the prospect of him leaving, and pretty excited about Nasri coming in as his replacement. I didn't think we'd miss him that much.

But over the course of last season, I've realised what a great asset we lost when we sold Hleb. We lost a great dribbler, a creative force on the right and a guy who can retain possession. And it's that last bit that's really hurt us. Since we sold him, we haven't had anyone who can hold onto the ball while we transition between attack and defense. And we haven't had anyone who would soak up pressure in tight situations.

But would we have him back if we could? I don't think so. Since Hleb's departure, we picked up Nasri and Arshavin. We've switched to a 4-3-3 to compensate for the loss of Flamini's motor, the weakness of Denilson and Song, and to accommodate our wealth of dinky little attacking-midfielder-forwards. Hleb would still be a good fit for the side (aside from Arshavin, we still don't have anyone who can retain possession), but it's pointless to regret the transfer. We have to move on.

As Nick Hornby once said about Liam Brady, we never did replace him satisfactorily, but we found different people, with different qualities. Obviously, Alex Hleb's no Liam Brady, but you get my drift.

Hleb's A Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

I had my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich the other day, and it went better than I thought.

I've always had my doubts about peanut butter and jelly as a combination. Visually, it's an appalling mix, like pale mud mixed with congealed blood. But it tastes much better than it looks. The peanut butter cuts through the cloying sweetness of jam and leaves a pleasant creaminess in the mouth.

It just goes to show that some things work better in combination - such as Flamini, Fabregas and Hleb. We had a really good team a couple of years ago, and those three were at the heart of it. If we'd kept them all, we could well have won the Premier League last year. But it wasn't to be. Flamini and Hleb thought they were better than the Arsenal, and flitted off to Milan and Barcelona respectively. Flamini's sitting on the bench at Milan, alternating between appearances at full-back and subs at central midfield.

As for Hleb? Well, after a year of winning the treble from the substitute's bench, he had this to say:

"I regret my move from London, but unfortunately nothing can be done about it now. For me, Wenger was like a father. I consider him one of the best managers in the world. For such a boss one wants to die on the pitch. Arsene managed to create a smashing team with a wonderful atmosphere inside of it. I have no doubts that if Arsenal had the same budget as Barcelona, the Gunners would be among the three best clubs on the planet."

Hleb went from being an essential part of a tasty peanut-butter and jelly sandwich at Arsenal to just another side dish in a Barcelona tapas bar. Arsenal are a team where ordinary players combine to play tasty football. Barcelona are stuffed with bite-sized players who combine well, but who are also exquisite in their own right. And right now, Hleb knows what it feels like to be a jamon tapa in the middle of honey-glazed pork knuckle, fried squid and smoked fish and fruit pintxos.

Sure, a PB&J isn't as classy as a menu full of tapas, but it's tasty enough in it's own right. You can be quite satisfied with a PB&J sandwich. And surely, it's better to be an ordinary sandwich that's appreciated by the one that eats it, rather than a ham sandwich that's ignored on the table?

Goodbye, Alex Hleb

"We are comfortable with our decision to let him go and we are all looking forward to continuing our preparations for the new season ahead. Everyone at Arsenal wishes Alex the best of luck for the future."

- Arsene Wenger, saying it for all of us

Last one out of Emirates, please turn off the lights.

I'm sad that Gilberto's left us, but I can understand him leaving us for more game time. Wenger's got his eyes firmly on the future, and he's very unsentimental with regards to his older players. I wish him well for the future because he seems like a really good guy, a model professional, and one of the best Arsenal captains we've never had.

With regards to Hleb, however, it's a bit anti-climatic. We've known for a while that Hleb would go, and to be honest, no one really cared where he went. All that mattered was to recoup our inital investment and buy a replacement. And, we've got the funds, and we've bought the replacement, in the form of Samir Nasri.

Once you do the permutations, it's starts to get exicting. Vela, Walcott, Rosicky, Nasri on the wings. There's a lot of promise, a lot of skill and a lot of pace in those players. I think Vela will become as our left winger, despite Wenger's protestations. We've probably got enough strikers - on the proviso that we buy a replacement for Adebayor.

With regards to Hleb, however, it's a good deal for him. I think it's double his exisiting contract with Arsenal, over four years instead of just two - so he'll be financially secure during his long retirement. He might even have enough to buy a rural retreat in Belarus and raise cows. It's strange that Barca would want him - Iniesta and Messi are pretty handy players, to my mind - but I'd agree with his statement that signing for Barcelona is "like a dream". I get shivers when I manage Barca on FM08 - I'd probably have to lie down if I signed for them for real.

It's interesting that Hleb was signed only a few days after Ronaldinho was sold, both for fairly similiar prices. I guess the transfer gridlock is starting to unblock. Maybe in the next few days, we'll get that experienced central midfielder we've been craving.

Anyway, Alex Hleb, goodbye, farewell and amen.

Hasn't Hleb Left YET?

“I have always said that Hleb is an incredible footballer and what he has done is underrated, well, everything that he DOES, because he is still an Arsenal player. That kind of footballer deserves more credit. But I tell it to you, he is an incredible footballer. I hope we’ll carry on playing together for years.”

- Cesc Fabregas, expressing how we all feel

Please stay, Hleb. You're a fucking excellent footballer with loads of talent and ticker, always with the match-winning goal and always playing with Arsenal pumping through your veins. Everyone's behind you and we're all nervous as shit that these foreign clubs are taking our Belorussian cupcake away from us.

We forgive you for having ice-cream with Inter Milan. We understand why you're presenting yourself to Barcelona. We welcome you back with open arms because we love you and we appreciate your amazing dribbling skills and dead-end plays. We can't live without you.

We'll give you a nice fat contract extension past your 30th birthday. We'll help you move your furniture back into your nice, quiet Hampstead house. We'll paint it red and white and call it Amish. We'll chip in for a couple of cows in the front yard to complete the picture of bucolic splendor. We'll even get you a set of ear-muffs for those terribly noisy nights. Just don't leave us.

Sheesh!

Can't this guy leave already?

Hleb Out, Nasri In

"I can officially confirm that a short time ago Alexander decided that he will leave Arsenal and join another club. Of course, Arsenal and Arsene wanted him to stay but they have accepted the player's choice."

- Nikolai Shpilevski, Hleb's agent

So you have this player. He's not perfect, but you love him because... well, you're not sure why he's special, but he is. He flirts with other clubs and it breaks your heart. He does things with rival agents that kill you. You get these little cold shivers every time you hear of his extra-curricular activities.

But you still really, really like her. You can't think of anyone else. When she smiles, she makes you happier than anyone has a right to. You know she's not right for you, and everyone you've asked agrees, but you want her because you want her.

You ask her why she does these things. She's evasive. She sends mixed messages. You look in her eyes and there's nothing there for you. The girl you loved has gone. Disappeared. Lost in the static of her own dramas, in the pursuit of her own burgeoning life.

So what do you do?

You go out and buy Samir Nasri.

You go out and fuck ten women.

You go on with your life, and have faith that there's nothing special about that person, beyond your unusually close proximity and your emotional investment. You trust that things will get better one day.

You just have to move on.

Don't mention the UCL

"Not one proposal has arrived from the Gunners."

- Maurizio Zamparini, Palermo president, stating the bleeding obvious about Arsenal's transfer policy

I'm not going to talk about the Champions League semi-finals. Like Wenger, I find it distressing. However, I am going to talk about two things:

1/ Hleb's 3 game ban. It's a surprisingly long time, considering the three-match ban on Mark Taylor. But I agree with it. No form of physicality should be tolerated. A player has the right to play a game without being slapped. I just wish Hleb had done something more manly, like headbutting or kung-fu kicking. A player's disciplanary record goes with him to his grave, and Hleb will forever be known as a slapper.

2/ Wenger's 25 million pound transfer budget. I found this from a piece on ANR from Nigel Phillips, a spokesman for the Arsenal Supporters Trust. I was surprised, because I was lead to believe we had a 70 million pound transfer kitty. However,

"Of the near £70m of cash balances, £25m is unavailable as it is used to partially secure future repayments of the debt facilities and one also assumes some is set aside to meet the probable £20m of additional transfer fees payable on existing squad members. This does however leave maybe £25m for the squad building (transfer plus wages) that appears all too necessary to sustain a season long challenge for honours on several fronts."

I don't understand economics, so I'll take Nigel at his word. I am disappointed, because when the Arsenal board tell me that there's 70 million spend, I expect mountains of cash in a Scrooge McDuck-esque vault on a hill. I don't expect a transfer facility that is eaten up by existing transfer fee commitments and future wages.

25 million pounds doesn't buy much these days. If we buy Ben Arfa, we'll need 12 million in fees, and maybe 8 million more to secure a three-year contract. That leaves 5 million more. I'm starting to understand why Wenger keeps insisting on only one "super, super player". I'm also understanding why Wenger's reluctant to go over that transfer facility and buy big guns like Torres. Not only is Wenger responsible for on-field management, he's also responsible for the off-field stuff. He knows that a four year contract for a misfiring Torres is also four years worth of money that he can't spend on the next exciting prospect. He can't take that risk, not even on an exceptional player.

What I don't understand is why Wenger is willing to cover for the Arsenal board. They lie to us, and push the blame onto Wenger's shoulders. The board are cowards. If they treated us like rational people, we would accept that stadium repayments are more important than title concerns. But they don't respect us enough to give us that honesty. I find that very disappointing.

And I hope Wenger isn't over-exterting himself by leading this double life. He does look very old at times.