The Arsenal Medical Team has it in for our players

"Arsenal's medical team will today assess the extent of the ankle injury Theo Walcott picked up during England's 3-1 win over Switzerland in Basle."

- the Guardian, reporting about Theo’s rolled ankle

Theo Walcott rolled his ankle when England played Switzerland last night. He’s going to be taken to the Arsenal Medical Team to be assessed. The consensus seems to be that it’s a two week lay-off. However, that’s before the Arsenal Medical Team get their hands on him...

I’m beginning to suspect that the Arsenal Medical Team are suffering from some weird sort of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome. Our medical team must be doing something to sabotage our players. There’s no other explanation for the serial mis-diagnoses, ineffective treatment, poor rehabilitation and recurring injuries. There’s no other way that Gallas could’ve been out for four months for a hamstring tear. There’s no other way that van Persie can keep getting the same sort of injuries for the past five years and not have any sort of treatment (other than have his wisdom teeth removed) to strengthen his legs or protect his body. And there’s no way that Theo Walcott would need two weeks or more to recover from a rolled ankle.

Then again, I suppose two weeks isn’t that bad. Knowing the history of the Arsenal medical team, it could very well be something that stretches off into the new year. And that’ll be a real shame, because Theo’s just beginning to come good.

In related new, Robin van Persie will be out until October. With Walcott out, and Bendtner out, it’s down to Chamakh to lead the line. Turns out out nicely-padded squad on paper is paper-thin in real life. Isn’t it interesting that the players who have been with us most (i.e. the ones with the most contact with the Arsenal Medical Team) are the ones who are the most injury-prone? van Persie’s been with us since he was 21. Bendy and Theo have been with us since their teens. Chamakh has been with us a couple of months. And who’s the only striker left standing?

Someone, please investigate the Arsenal Medical Team!

In unrelated news, Rafael van der Vaart is “despondent” that he was taken off during the Netherland’s qualifying game. He has the novel thought that a player who is playing well should be allowed to play out the game. He forgot the rule of thumb when it comes to picking international sides - anyone who plays for Spurs is shite. Sorry Rafa, but you’ve got to get used to it. You’re a talented player and deserve a spot, but this is what happens when you become a Spud.

So on the 229th last day of my 20s, I had dinner with a mate. I’d invited the GOMD to come along as a way of sending her off before her trip, but... she was busy. This time around, I think she was genuinely busy, but I don’t know. I’m getting to the point where it doesn’t really matter one way or another. But the restaurant’s on a hill, with a view of the city. And I spent most of the night looking out at the city, wondering if I could see her in her office building if I squinted hard enough. And when we left, I glanced back at the city and wondered if she was still slaving away at 9:30pm, or whether she’d given up and had taken the train home. She’s apt to very long workdays, is the GOMD.

Schwartzer to Arsenal?

"I need it to happen. I've had a couple of chats with Mark (Hughes). It's delicately poised. Who wouldn't be keen to go to Arsenal? At this stage in my career it's an amazing opportunity to play at that level and one I want to take."

- Mark Schwartzer, about a possible move to the Arsenal

Schwartzer’s 37, and has been a solid Premier League keeper for most of his career without ever playing for a big club. He’s used to playing for struggling clubs, which means that he’s required to make many saves every match, and is constantly involved in the action. He’s never had a situation where he’s a spectator for 80 minutes out of every match, but is required to make two or three match-winning saves (usually as a result of our defence’s suicidal impulses). I think there’s a substantial difference in the two roles, and I think it’ll take some adjustment.

Is Schwartzer flexible enough to handle the change?

I like Schwartzer because it means he’ll be the first Aussie signing for the Arsenal. We need some Aussie spirit at the Arsenal. Aussie footy players tend to be complete jerks on the field (playing what the Hawks once termed "unsociable football”), and complete tossers off the field. That seems to be the way a lot of successful footballers approach the game (e.g. Cristano Ronaldo, John Terry), so in the long-run, it might be more beneficial that fielding a team of nice boys like Denilson and Walcott.

But for what it’s worth, I’d like to see us make a big, big signing. You can’t go wrong with an expensive, quality goalkeeper. It’s not an area where you can over-pay. The reason the best keepers in the world are priceless is that the mediocre ones have their flaws exposed every week. And I’m sick of seeing Almunia’s flaws exposed.

I realise I’m getting a bit obsessed with the goalkeeping situation, but it’s an area of vital concern. It’s scary to think that we’re a couple days away from the first game of the season, and we STILL haven’t managed to sign a keeper. It’s insane.

Meanwhile, our Theo wants to make the step up:

"It is a massive season for me. After the disappointment of the summer, I know what I have to do. When something doesn't go well for you, just forget about it and move on to the next one. That is what I will do this season. I need to play as many games as I can for Arsenal, week-in week-out and show everyone what I can do. I am 21 now and it is time for me to push on. I am looking forward to the next step.”

Walcott’s got a great deal of talent, but he doesn’t have a great feel for football. He’s the kind of guy who needs 100+ games and a lot of time doing drills before he knows it becomes instinctive. Let’s hope he’s spent his pre-season learning how to cross, whether to cross or to cut inside, when to make runs and where to make runs.

I think this will be a better season for Walcott. He’s had a season to get used to the intricacies of playing in a 4-3-3. And in the long-term, I think playing as an outside forward in a 4-3-3 will suit him better than as a winger in a 4-4-2. Walcott plays best high up the pitch, using his pace to get behind his marker. I love the kid to bits, so I hope he’ll make a breakthrough this year. It’ll be heart-breaking if he didn’t make the grade and we had to sell him.

So on the 255th last day of my 20s, I had a day off work and decided to do my tax. Never realised how difficult tax can be. Three hours into it, and my head was spinning, my brain was fried and my stomach was churning. And I’ve still only touched the surface. Still have to do deductions, which should be more fun than calculating taxable income.

It’s going to be a painful few days.

Theo's not going to the World Cup

"I am very disappointed not to be included in the squad going out to South Africa, but completely respect Mr Capello's decision. I would like to wish the team the best of luck and hope they have a really successful tournament."

- Theo Walcott, dropped from the World Cup squad

Theo's been left out of the World Cup squad. It's a shame for Theo. He's been looking forward to it. But the reality was that he'd had a inconsistent, injury-riddled season, and he didn't deliver what Cappello wanted in the past two England friendlies. So Cappello decided that Theo was a gamble he couldn't take. You can aonly live on the fame of a hattrick against Croatia for so long.

But time's on his side. He's only 21. There's still time for him to knuckle down, improve his decision making, get back into form, and maybe get into the squad for Euro 2012. Hopefully he'll realise that he hasn't made it, that he's got a lot to improve, and he'll focus his time on improving himself at Arsenal next season.

Anyway, buck up Theo. We still love you!

And apparently, we're looking at signing Joe Cole on a free. I must say that we've had mixed success with free signings from our major rivals. Sol Campbell was great. William Gallas was okay. Mikael Silvestre was a disaster. What about Joe Cole? He's in his prime, he's inconsistent, and he's a dribbly, creative midfielder/winger who'll demand a large salary. If we sign him, we'll probably bung him in a central midfield role next to Cesc (if he stays). I'd rather we sign a centre-back and a goalkeeper with actual money, but scoring two free signings of the calibre of Chamakh and Cole would be pretty impressive. And considering how often I've complained at the thinness of the squad, I can't really complain.

So on the 324th last day of my 20s, I listened to Contra by Vampire Weekend. It's vaguely disappointing. It's a good listen, has a couple of great tracks, but it's nowhere near as good as their eponymous debut. Their first album was jaunty, fresh, different, intelligent. This second album just sounds like a normal album with a few quirky bits added in.

Rumors of Arsenal's death have been greatly exaggerated

Last night Chelsea drew 3-3 with Everton, and Man Utd lost 0-1 to Aston Villa. We're 9 points behind Chelsea at the moment, with 2 games in hand. We're up against Liverpool tonight, and if we win this one, and if we win the game in hand against Bolton, we're only 3 points behind Chelsea. Despite the despondency of the past couple of weeks, it's still very tight at the top. 

As Wenger said:

"Between 78 and 83 points will be enough. If Arsenal, or anybody else, gets to 83 points, they will win the league. This season, more than ever, it looks to be a very open Premier League campaign. It is more open because everybody has slipped up - us at Sunderland, Man United at Burnley - and nobody can really predict what will happen."

It gives tonight's match a bit of extra impetus. Win, and we're back on track. Lose, and we're in a really shitty position. And wouldn't it be something to be back in contention, after all the crap that's happened in the past couple of weeks? 

Then again, I don't think I could handle the disappointment again. I've had enough of new beginnings, lines in the sand, bright new dawns. I don't really care if our youth are maturing during our faltering title chase. We've seen it before and been disappointed. I'd rather have experienced pros at the club who can do their job well, not fuck up in defence, and give 100% effort 100% of the time. 

Anyway, we really should beat Liverpool tonight. I think Arsenal should stick with Arshavin up front, supported by Walcott and Nasri (or Vela). Let's send a big "fuck-you" to all those English pundits who think we're too short to win the league. 

It's time to let Theo off the leash and let him have a go up front. I'm tired of seeing him learning his trade on the wing. He's got all the physical qualities to be a great striker, and he's a good finisher, but he hasn't got the tactical brain to be adaptable enough to be a winger. So let's scrap the education and get him to do what we bought him for. It's time to bung him up front and get our squad of midfield midgets to thread through-balls for him to chase. Sooner or later, he'll latch onto one and make us proud. 

C'mon Arsenal, and c'mon Theo. 

Dirty Arsenal

"Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap"

- Acca Dacca, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

According to Theo, we've got some dirty deeds to do next season. Last year was a disappointment, due in part to our inability to grind out wins when we weren't playing well. This season, we've got to change. We have to learn to play dirty, win dirty, and um... talk dirty as well.

I'm not sure what's up with Theo these days. First off, he rebelled against Wenger and joined his England mates in the U21 tournament. Then, he got angry - really angry - at everyone, and talked about the necessity of playing angry to win. And now, he's talking about playing ugly. It's a bit of a shock, to be honest. Who's this ugly, angry young man in the Arsenal top, and where did that nice little Theo go?

Maybe it's a case of delayed teenage rebellion. Youngsters who get pressured into high-profile careers too soon can sometimes go crazy once they gain their freedom as adults. Think about Britney Spears. Now, I'm not suggesting Theo will go down that path, but I don't think it's completely out of the question to say that he'll run off and marry to a back-up dancer, have two kids, shave his head, go into rehab, and then launch a successful comeback album after a horrible mimed performance at the MTV Awards.

Stranger things have happened, after all.

I understand what Theo's saying, though. A little bit of grit and determination wouldn't go astray. The Arsenal of last season was anaemic, unfocused and barely interested. There were a lot of lacklustre draws and a number of shocking defeats, and if we'd managed to apply ourselves for all of those games, we could've finished the season a lot higher up - maybe even 3rd.

However, I don't see the correlation between playing ugly and winning matches. The Arsenal played very ugly in the middle of last season, and by all accounts it was our worse stretch of matches since Wenger first took charge. We don't need to play ugly scrappy football to win matches - we just need to play with application and focus.

I'm getting excited about the coming season. With Vermaelen in, Rosicky and Eduardo (hopefully) over their injuries and the kids having gained another year of experience, we look like we've got a pretty good squad. And if we use the Adebayor money to buy a couple of good first-team players, we're going to be competitive. We might not win anything next year, but we should come close.

Whatever happens, I hope we don't have to resort to playing ugly next season. With a potential first team line-up containing Rosicky, Arshavin, Fabregas and van Persie, it'll be a travesty if we resort to ugliness to win. Just pass, move and harass the opposition like maniacal midget minutemen, fellas. That's all you need to do.

Why Are We So Angry?

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

- Where Is The Love?, Black Eyed Peas

Arsenal's an angry place at the moment.

Theo Walcott is angry for being dropped in a U-21s match. Theo made Wenger angry by agreeing to play in the U-21s this summer, and he expected more support from his U-21s manager. After starting as a sub against Spain, he got angry. And now that England are up against Sweden in the semi-finals, he's going to get angrier still. As he said himself,

"You've got to be angry coming on the pitch. You don't want to be too angry and get sent off but hopefully I'll be at it on Friday."

We should probably get used to Angry Theo, because it's his new game face. Gone is the sweet, lovable nice boy we've all adored. Instead, we've a snarling, hissing, growling whelp of a winger to look forward to next season. I bet he's going to come home with a "Mom" tattoo on his forearm.

Cesc Fabregas is angry because Arsenal are "impotencia", or powerless to win a football trophy. Cesc is also angry that English media are twisting his words around. In fact, he's so angry that he made this statement.

"It appears that every time I have spoken to the Spanish media recently, my words have bounced back to England, leaving question marks about my future. So, for anyone who is unclear or may have misunderstood what my position is, let me make myself absolutely crystal clear. I am wholeheartedly committed to Arsenal and my future lies with this great Club."

Cesc Fabregas is clearly an angry young man. And I'm afraid that he's setting a bad example to the general footballing populace. A survey by the Daily Mail shows that fans are getting confused as to whom they're supposed to hate most. Tottenham hates us, we hate Chelsea, Chelsea hates Man Utd and Liverpool, West Ham hates Tottenham... it's all a bit confusing, really. The world's in a maelstrom of hate and anger.

Why can't we all just get along?

Theo's NOT a nice boy

"They used to call me "Sweet Little Boy". That's why I grew the beard and 'tache. They can't use that anymore."

- Theo Walcott, a bad arse

He's such a Sweet Little Boy. 

Even when he's trying to act tough, he comes across so adorably kiddish. This is the strangest article I've read in a long time. It's about Theo talking tough and acting tough and showing the world that he IS tough. It's not working, though. He comes off like a white kid in baggy pants, an inverted baseball cap and a penchant for saying "word" a lot. 

Take this:

"It's not like me, but there was this boy who took our ball and had me in a headlock. So I punched me and made his nose bleed. I had to stand by the wall for ten minutes."

Frankly, I'm surprised that making a kid bleed out of his nose leads to 10 minutes against the wall; I thought you'd get detention at least. Still, he was a tough kid, our Theo. Baddest mofo on his block, I bet. But I'm curious what the equivalent Roy Keane anecdote would've been. I'm imagining something involving ice-picks and kidneys.

That's what I'd call tough. 

Anyway, I hope Theo thinks carefully about what he wants. He's such a nice boy at the moment, and I don't want to see him lose his decency. Because, if he wants to become a bad-ass footballer, he might gain the respect of the dressing room, but he'd be at risk of something horrifying. 

He might end up like Ashley Cole.

They Made Theo Cry

“We got a bit of stick as we left the stadium and went to the coach. There were loads of fans there shouting ‘We’re not scared of you’ and a few swear words, shall we say.”

- Theo Walcott, with added motivation to stuff the Mancs on Tuesday

This is confirmation that Englishmen become progressively less human the further north you go. In London, rival fans would applaud Theo and offer him milk and cookies after the match. In Birmingham, rival fans would cuss Theo politely and apologetically - not because they want to insult our Theo, but because it's expected of them. In Manchester though, they wait outside the stadium to hurl abuse and sledge Theo until he cries.

I remember watching the England-Croatia match in a Manchester pub last September, and some of the things thrown at our Theo were appalling. He deserves better from his countrymen, does our Theo. Swearing at Theo is akin to throwing puppies into vats of boiling hot oil. It's just not on. He's such a nice boy.

I can understand if the Mancs were swearing at Silvestre. I was swearing at Silvestre during the match. Silvestre is old enough, and ugly enough, to take abuse. Theo's just a kid. It's not right. It's very disappointing behaviour from the Mancs. But then again, they're only about twenty miles away from Bolton, so I suppose that kind of behaviour is expected up there.

Anyway, Theo's spoken to the Daily Star to big up our team. And much as I like to read that our players are eager to face Man Utd again, it's a bit pointless. Our players talk good before every game, but can't be relied upon to deliver once they're on the pitch. I'm a bit sick of it, really. It's simple: if we play to our potential, we've a good chance of going through; if we blink in the headlights like we did at Old Trafford, we'll lose.

All this talk is just talk, and don't count for nothing. I just hope the Arsenal show up Tuesday night and play without that handbrake that Wenger keeps talking about. We could do with a 3-1 win. Or a 4-1 win.

Theo's Such A Nice Boy

"We've got Tim who works here, and he asked one of the lads if I'd be all right to sign something. So Dave, the physio, said to me, 'You should go to Tim and when he asks you, just say: 'No, sod off, I'm not going to sign anything,' because they always think you're a nice lad.' So I did it. Tim was like, 'What?!' It was brilliant to see his face. I signed it in the end... I felt bad."

- Theo Walcott, such a nice boy

I love Theo Walcott. I know I keep saying it, but I really do. The story above perfectly illustrates why I love him. He's such a nice boy. In an environment where even sensible, decent lads like Cesc Fabregas can descend into snarling, (allegedly) spitting, puffy-parka wearing hooliganism, it's such a joy to see Theo thrive without having to sacrifice his decency.

The article's a puff piece, and it rehashes a number of old quotes from various articles over the years. There's a bit about Theo preaching moderation and professionalism. There's another about him forgiving Gerrard's "he shouldn't have been at the World Cup" statement. There's a few bobs and ends about Theo being tough-as-nuts and able to withstand everything the English clod-hoffers throw at him.

It's not much of an article, but it's about Theo Walcott so it's still worthwhile. It's the kind of article that makes you think that working as a sport journalist at one of London's flagship newspapers can't be that hard. Makes you even think if it's worthwhile throwing in your old job and trying out for a cadetship at the local paper - because maybe one day, that could be you writing puff pieces about your favourite player.

You gotta have your dreams, I suppose.

Anyway, I started this post wanting to write about David Villa. I got distracted, because stories about Theo Walcott are usually the sporting equilavent of the "Cutest Puppy" competition at the dog show - they're so full of niceness that you can't help but stop by and go "aw...". Stories about Theo are such a joy to read.

But this other article goes the other way. I don't love David Villa, but I wish he was in our team. I'd happily sell Adebayor and van Persie to get him, such is my admiration for the guy. He's lethal. He's a killer. And he's available for the low, low price of.... £45 million. Yep, come July, that's the price at which Chelsea will start bidding.

I felt a bit sick reading that. It's like when you want to buy a house at auction, and the house is everything you want and the price is just within your budget. You can just about imagine yourself moving in. But when the first bids fly in, you're blown out of the water by a jet-setting Russian billionaire and a couple of sneaky Spaniards. And then, you realise with a chilling certainty exactly how far you are from where you need to be.

But it doesn't matter that much. We're the Arsenal, and we'll do alright. We've got Theo Walcott, after all. And he's such a nice boy...

Back on the Bandwagon

"It's not true, it's just Yellow Pages."

- Andrey Arshavin, BBC Football Focus, rebutting rumors that he flies his hairdresser in from Russia to cut his hair

A 3-0 win to the Arsenal.

Granted, it's only a FA Cup tie, and it's only against Burnley. In the hackneyed words of lazy commentators, we only did what was expected of us. Still, it's a 3-0 win, and after the lethargy of the previous month, we've had two games with scorelines of 3-1 and 3-0 respectively.

We've missed Eduardo. Eduardo had a very good match, and we've missed his nose for goal and his dinkiness in general. In a team of dinky passers, he's probably the dinkiest, and we need him to knit the dinky passes together into something coherent and lethal.

We've also missed Theo Walcott, who returned from injury today. We've missed his pace and his directness. I don't think it's a coincidence that we had our best run of form when he was a fixture on the right wing. He's not quite there yet (he hasn't quite worked out when to pass and when to shoot), but the talent's there and we're a better side with him there. Plus, it's he's such a nice boy.

All in all, I'm thinking it's time to get back on the bandwagon.

I'm watching an online interview of Andrey Arshavin from the BBC right now. Before he came to Arsenal, I had reservations about him. He didn't seem real. After he signed, I was curious about him, like how you sit in a new car for hours and fiddle with the radio. But now, he's played for the Arsenal a feel times and he's lost that new car smell. He's just an Arsenal player now, and I love that. He's an awesome player, and I'm profoundly grateful we've got him.

It's a good interview. He prefers to play as a second striker in a 4-4-2, and as a winger in a 4-3-3. I'm thinking half the squad prefers to play as a second striker, so maybe Wenger's thinking about a tactical change in the summer. He's quite taken by Guus Hiddink as a manager, and thinks the Russian team will implode if he leaves to manage Chelsea full-time.

And despite his protestations about his Russian hairdresser, he does have a suspiciously shorter hairdo than normal. His Russian hairdresser once said that he'll cut Arshavin's hair shorter now, so that he won't have to fly to London so often. If I was a journalist, I'd be sniffing a story here. There's a Pulitzer in the offing.

Sounds like Arshavin's a bit of a fibber.

I hate Manchester

Fooking Walcott! He's too fooking weak, the bastard! Weak fooking Arsenal bastard!

- the Mancs at the bar, moments before the first of Walcott's three goals

I hate Manchester.

It's not a personal thing. I actually think the city's remarkably pretty - it's all red brick and glass and steel. It's an amazing rejuvenation of a city of the Industrial Revolution. The architecture is really well done. The city's small enough to walk around in, and big enough to contain everything you'd want. The pubs and bars and clubs are, according to those in the know, well good.

It's just that Manchester is where Man Utd come from. There's something decidedly sinister about being in the Red Devil's city, like I'm invading foreign territory or something. It's stupid, because I'm not normally partisan. I'd like to believe that I'm a football fan before an Arsenal fan, and that I can appreciate great football on any level. I admire Man Utd's skill, pace and tenacity. And I consider Ferguson to be a great manager.

One of my objectives in this Grand Tour of mine was to visit the homes of all the great football clubs in the world. Man Utd's one of them. But when I was leafing through the brochure for a tour of Old Trafford, I felt a horrible twisting sensation in my gut, and I couldn't do it. I didn't want to step into Man Utd's home ground. It just felt wrong.

Theo came of age last night. Three goals in a 4-1 victory against Croatia. Bloody brilliant. All three were absolutely clinical, and watching the last goal was like watching Theirry Henry again. Theo's a natural finisher - maybe the one we've been waiting for. Maybe he's the one who'll provide the goals from midfield this year. Maybe we can win it this year. Maybe.

I love Theo Walcott.

And as luck would have it, I'm only minutes away from Blackburn, where we're playing on Saturday. Might pop over to Ewood Park to see the Arsenal. I'm sure there'll be tickets available.

I hate The Telegraph

"It is not easy to speak English in the Arsenal dressing room. The boss talks in French when he has discussions with players and only speaks English in team meetings. I do not feel that I am in a foreign country with all the French speakers around I am not in unknown territory. I have settled in very well."

- Sammy Nasri, from an awful Telegraph story

3 points today, before I comment on the above:

1. I'm going to Caerphilly. There's a big castle there built by a guy in the Middle Ages to keep another guy out of town. I'm hazy on the details, but it's supposed to be a big, big castle - the biggest in Wales. Should be worth a look.

2. I'm changing my mind about Cardiff. Apart from the rain, it's a funky little city. It's not big, but it's optimistic. It's a child of the Industrial Revolution, and parts of it are still full of dour, working-class terraces. But it's also relatively new, in that most of the current building boom has happened in the past ten years or so. It's a bit like a ghost town at the moment, because there's not enough people to fill all the streets, apartments and funky little boutique shops, but they'll come. Build it and they will come. It reminds me a bit of Geelong and their waterfront development.

3. I don't understand how anyone can approve of Sarah Palin running for Veep. Misogynists should be appalled because she's an underqualified woman - there are probably five men who have both the experience and the genitalia to do things proper. Feminists should be appalled because she's an underqualified woman - it makes a mockery of the ideals of the "sisterhood of the travelling pantsuit". What happened to the idea that you get the position because of your abilities, and not your gender?

But onto the quote.

It's from a Telegraph article with the headline "Arsenal's French-speaking dressing room leaves Theo Walcott lost in translation". And it has nothing to do with Walcott, and everything to do with how well Nasri is settling in. The story itself is the typical fluff piece about how well a player is settling into the club. No problem with that.

My issue is with the headline. This is terrible journalism. It's misleading. It's racist. And it treats its readers with contempt. It's got nothing to do with Walcott. It suggests that the Francophones are subbing our dear little Theo, purely on language. It insinuates that these foreign players are usurping places that belong to real Englishmen. And it presumes a readership that is xenophobic, ill-educated and gullible enough to swallow this tripe.

How do English newspapers get away with stunts like this?

Loving Theo Walcott

'Everyone is different, but the stuff you see some footballers doing, cheating on their girlfriends and stuff, I just think, "Why?" Why have a girlfriend, or a wife and kids if you're going to cheat?... And drinking; when you've finished your career you can have a drink - obviously not become an alcoholic... I don't drink at all. I never have done. Back at school people would take the mick out of me for not drinking at parties and stuff, but that didn't bother me. It's only a short career and the way you are off the pitch makes a big difference.'

- Theo Walcott, in a puff piece from the Observer

I love Theo.

I'm sure a lot of grown men love Theo. Theo would probably be quite nervous if he knew just how much we love him. It's not just because he's young, quick and talented. It's not just because he's English in a squad of foreign nationals. It's not even because he's got a great family, a good head on his shoulders and a lovely girlfriend. It's just...

He's such a nice boy.

You'd imagine him helping little old ladies cross the road on the way home from school. He'd call home if he'll be late for supper. He'd tussle the hair of his impish younger siblings and lark around with them in the backyard. He's the kind of kid you wish your daughter would date. He's the kind of kid you wish you could raise.

I don't feel this way about any of our other youngsters. Not Ramsey, nor Denilson, not even Cesc. Don't get me wrong, I love Cesc to bits, but there isn't that sense of proprietorship. Cesc was, and will always be, a Barca boy. When you watch him play, you know that he'll only grace us with his talents for a few years. Theo, on the other hand, may well stay with us forever (or until he's 30). Plus, there was that traumatic World Cup 2006 selection, and those comments made by that nasty Steven Gerrard. He's just a kid, but dammit, he's OUR kid. I guess I love him because he's one of ours, in a way that none of our other youngsters can be.

I could go on, but my fingers are cold and stiff and it's a bother to type.

Just want to reiterate - I love Theo.