From the AGM

"We haven’t got $500 billion to put into the club, but I suspect that we will be challenging — but I don’t consider Tottenham and Aston Villa rivals. I am very confident and any worries about Champions League income are unlikely to be the case.”

- Peter Hill-Wood, who isn't worried about threats to 4th place

It was AGM night in England last night. And of the many splendored things that Peter Hill-Wood said that night, that quote was the one that really pisses me off. It's such a snobbish, stupid, smug, self-absorbed, self-satisfied thing to say.

I don't understand why Peter Hill-Wood is sneering at Tottenham and Aston Villa for spending money in order to improve the quality of their teams. That's what football clubs do, Peter. Just because Arsenal sell their players for large amounts of money and don't reinvest the funds, it doesn't mean other clubs do the same. For ambitious clubs, they seek to add players to their squad every year in order to improve it.

I don't understand why Hill-Wood thinks he's got a right to be superior. In case he hasn't noticed, we have finished 4th or 3rd for the past four years. We haven't won in five years. We've stagnated. What's worse is that there hasn't been any sign of ambition from the Club to achieve more than 4th place and a Champions League place. For a club the size of Arsenal, that's pathetic.

And finally, I don't understand how Peter Hill-Wood got it in his head that 4th place is some sort of "prize" that we should be celebrating. For a club of our size, 4th place and CL qualification is the minimum. Celebrating that is madness, like jumping for joy when you get out of the bathtub because you managed not to drown yourself. I had a look at the club's profile on the official site, and nowhere on the list of our Premier League achievements does it list our proud record of 4th, 4th, 3rd, and 4th.

The other significant news from the AGM was that Stan Kroenke was asked about his intentions with the Club and he said.... nothing. Under the rules of the Takeover Panel, all public statements against a future bid must be unambiguous, or he'd be prevented from a formal move for six months. I hope the following prediction is ambiguous enough for Stan's liking - in the next six months, we're going to see a giant bust of Kroenke in the Emirate's forecourt with a motorised mouth which speaks "In Stan We Trust", and flaming eyeballs which shoots flaming eyes at gooners who dare to suggest that 4th place isn't good enough for a Club of our stature, or that certain Wengerish transfers are a bit geriatric.

And Arsene Wenger spoke about his confidence that we're going to win something this year:

“This year I am convinced we will win a trophy. It will come down to how resilient, consistent, intelligent and united we are until the end because there will be tough times. There will be periods when it will be difficult, but we have to show our strengths that have always made this club special. This team is now ready to go for it and I am convinced we will perform throughout the season.”

We've heard this before, Wenger. Why don't we just get through Christmas before we make any rash promises, hey?

PHW's "relaxed" about a takeover

"It does look like he is edging towards a takeover, which I would welcome. I have not asked him if that is what he plans to do, but I am very relaxed about it. If it was to happen, I don't think you can expect any big changes because he seems to like things very much the way they are."

- Peter Hill-Wood, about the prospect of a takeover

A couple of days ago, Kroenke bought another 90 shares at £8,500 per share, taking his overall stake in the Club to 28.9%. He's edging closer to the 30% needed to trigger a mandatory compulsory takeover. As Myles Palmer said "he now needs only 645 more shares to take him to 29.9% . Then Stan will probably stop buying shares till the end of the season."

In light of this news, Peter Hill-Wood is "very relaxed" about the idea of Kroenke buying the Club. He "doesn't think" there will be big changes because Kroenke "seems to like things" the way they are. He's being very nonchalant about the future of the Club. In other words, he's telling us that if it happens, when it happens, how it happens, whatever happens it'll be sort of, maybe, probably okay.... he thinks.

To me, it's not a particularly reassuring statement. It came from a man who, two years ago, famously said that "we don't need his money and we didn't need his sort" at the club. Hill-Wood doesn't mince words when he speaks to the media. He says what he likes, how he likes - even if some of what he says is xenophobic, inane crap.

So why has he changed his stance?

Why is he prevaricating and qualifying his statements?

I think it's because Arsenal is being eaten alive by two very hungry billionaires, and Peter Hill-Wood has woken to the fact that there's sweet FA he can do to prevent a takeover. And the Board's anointed Kroenke as the lesser of two evils. And Hill-Wood's just realised that, after insulting Kroenke in all the major papers two years ago, Kroenke might not be too well-disposed to him when he's in charge. So Hill-Wood's decided to say something like that to curry favor with Kroenke so that he can retain his honorary Chairman of the Board title in the event of a takeover.

All hail our new insect overlord.

Personally, I think it'll be a shame if we were bought outright by one person. I like Kroenke and think his presence on the Board is of great benefit, but I wouldn't like to see him owning the Club outright. I prefer the status quo, with a group of major shareholders (some with a long association with the Club) running the Club. It gives us the assurance that if one person decides to sell, we've still got some continuity at the Board level. If Kroenke buys us outright, then sells us us in five years' time, there's no guarantee that the next owners will be competent custodians of the Club.

But then again, as Peter Hill-Wood has learnt in the past two years, there's sweet FA we can do about it. Kroenke and Usmanov are eyeing the Club, have the money to buy it, and are going to make a bid when they think it's time. All we can do is put on some lippy and a nice dress, cosy up with our new owners, and hope it's not going to be too bad.

What's Wrong With Cesc?

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."

- Oscar Wilde, feeling Cesc's pain

It's desperate times at Real Madrid. The magical transfer pot has dwindled to a paltry 50 million or so, the number of prospective Galacticos has been culled, and Florentino Perez has been reduced to throwing euros at completely random players, hoping desperately that some of it will stick.

At the moment, Real Madrid are bidding for Xabi Alonso and Gaetano D'Agostino, had a bid for Daniele De Rossi rebuffed, are still hopeful for Franck Ribery... but they're not at all interested in our Cesc Fabregas. As Real Madrid's sporting director, Miguel Pardeza said:

"He is a great player, there's no doubt about that. But at this moment he is not a target for Real Madrid. The club are working on other alternatives."

Is anyone else feeling a bit left out? I don't want Cesc to leave, and I find all the transfer speculation annoying, but couldn't they even consider our Cesc for a moment? I mean, he's a great player. He's as much a Galactico as anyone on the Real Madrid lineup. At a time when a link with Real Madrid is akin to a nomination for FIFA World Player Of The Year (and the list is probably just as extensive), this rejection hurts.

So what's wrong with Cesc? Why don't they want him? He's at least as good a passer as Xabi Alonso. He's not as tough as De Rossi, but he gets stuck into it when he has to. He's young and spiky, wears puffy parkas and spits on people. He's like a supremely gifted llama. So why aren't Real Madrid interested?

In other news, Stan Kroenke's inching his way towards total domination. He's just paid 1.5 million pounds ($2.44 million) for another 160 shares at £8,500 each. He owns 28.58% of the Arsenal at the moment. This from a guy who doesn't want to inject funds into the Arsenal, but seems quite happy to spend lots of money buying it up. Now, I think Kroenke is a good influence at the Club - he has a trustworthy mustache, after all - but I am wondering about the future of the Club. Does Kroenke plan to do something expansionary with the Club, or is he content to maintain the status quo?

And then there's this good article from David Conn about the rejected rights issue. I think the Board's done us a disservice by not considering this rights issue more fully. But it's dead and buried, I guess, so we'll just have to move on from here.

A Fresh Start

"Maybe football teams and people always have fresh starts; maybe Arsenal and I have more than most, and therefore we are suited to each other."

- Nick Hornby, Fever Pitch

First Lee Dixon. Then Ray Parlour. Now Emanuel Petit. Our former players have been coming out of the woodwork lately, telling everybody that we're short on experienced players. And if we can't believe ex-Arsenal players, who can we believe?

There have been a lot of bloggers posting a lot of hyperbolic crap about the Arsenal in recent days. I find it annoying because it takes focus away from my own brand of irrelevant, pugnacious crap. And I like it when my crap glistens proudly in the limelight. There's only room for so much crap in the Arsenal blogosphere...

Anyway, we all know the problem. 

Put it simply, the Arsenal needs a fresh approach. Wenger's been at the club for over ten years, and most of his staff have been with him for a similar time. All of this current players have been signed by Wenger, and most of them have played under him for many years. And the result of all this is that we've become stale, complacent and short of originality. 

Things have been changing lately. I'm pinning a lot of my hopes Stan Kroenke. Kroenke's stumped up a lot of money to get that 28% stake, and I suspect he not going to stop with just ownership. He'll want to turn Arsenal, a nationally big club, into an internationally big club. And to attract the plastic, glory-hunting global fan base, we need... well, glory. A hat-trick of 4th places isn't going to sway my prawn-sandwich eating prospective brethren from Asia, the Middle East and Australia. 

To attract the plastics, we need trophies. 

I'm hoping Arshavin's signature signalled the start of a new future for the Arsenal. He's a brilliant player, brought up in a different footballing school. He's got drive, ambition, and he's a leader. The effect he's had on the other players has been amazing. It makes me dizzy when I think about what this team would be like with three or four more experience, quality players at the club. But it can't stop there. 

We need new ideas at the Arsenal. I'm not advocating Wenger's sacking. I think he's still the best manager for us. But what I do think is that he needs to bring someone into the club to challenge him and to make him reassess his approach. He needs an assistant manager who has the authority and the gumption to question the great man. He needs someone to organise the team defensively, to motivate them before games, to practise their f@$king set-pieces. 

We need a fresh start. 

I finished up at work today. The last day of five years in my first job, and I finished it both bloody happy and bloody sad. It's the right thing to do, and the exhilaration is making me nauseous. It's time for a fresh approach. I need the kick-start to re-organise my tactics, to get motivated before games, to practice my f@$king set-pieces. 

And as Nick Hornby says, "the neat and obvious synchronism of it all still baffles me."

Arsenal 3-0 Portsmouth

"We dominated completely the first half, we were sharp and composed with a great attitude and and our two-nil lead was well deserved. In the second half we struggled for 20 minutes but when we scored the third the game as over."

- Arsene Wenger, chuffed at the win

Beautiful things happen at night. The stars come out and the moon gives everything a silvery sheen. Your senses become heightened and the smell of roses quickens the heart. Possums crawl up power lines and electrocute themselves. And the Arsenal thump Portsmouth 3-0. 

It's one of those games that leave you wondering what could've been. We play great football at the strangest times. Around November, we beat Man Utd 2-1 in the Premier League when our season looked shot, and yet last week we lose insipidly at Old Trafford 0-1 when we're playing for a spot in the Champions League final. We play well against Portsmouth, Middlesborough etc., at the end of the season when we're 4th, while we were dropping those matches earlier in the season when we were still challenging for the title. 

It does your head in. 

Still, a 3-0 win is a 3-0 win, and let's not look a gifthorse in the mouth. It secures 4th place. It increases our unbeaten run in the league. It gives Bendtner his first goals in ever so long. And it boosts our fragile egos and gives us hope for the second leg tie against Utd, which is most important. Despite our fabled "mental strength", we tend to fold like umbrellas on a windy day. 

Let's hope the Arsenal can replicate this form on the Tuesday. And we should seriously consider splicing Arshavin's head and spinal cord to Diaby's body for the game. An Arshaby monster would still be 75% Diaby, so he wouldn't be cup-tied, and we'd have the Owl's brain pulling the strings for the Arsenal. 

In other news, Stan Kroenke's increased his stake in the Arsenal to 28%. He's now the largest shareholder at Arsenal, and in conjunction with Danny Fizsman's share, has the majority share. It's good news, because Kroenke's a serious businessman and in it to make Arsenal successful and wealthy - unlike Peter Hill-Wood, who's only in it for the free champagne and padded seats at the Emirates. 

So even if we do go out of the Champions League on Tuesday, at least we'll have something to look forward to - an Arsenal that's not run by cigar-chomping, embarrassing Etonian toffs who don't have a clue about running a modern football club. And what's gong to happen to Peter Hill-Wood? Well, we don't want his sort here. 

Boardroom Machinations

"No, it’s business as usual. It’s a transaction between two Board members, both of whom believe in the philosophy of the Club, the self-sustaining philosophy on a day-to-day level. It has absolutely no impact at all."

- Ivan Gazidis, with a nose about the size of Pinocchio's

The big news today is that Danny Fiszman sold 5,000 shares to Stan Kroenke for £42.5 million. This makes Kroenke the second largest Arsenal shareholder with 20.5%, and reduces Fiszman's stake to 16.1%. After the sale, Fiszman did an interview with Arsenal.com and stated:

"I have no current intention to sell any more of my shares in the Club. This sale to Stan was a one-off sale. I certainly intend to continue as a long-term substantial shareholder."

It's interesting because of a number of points:

1. Ivan Gazidis is surprisingly bad at lying. It augers poorly for his effectiveness in the looming transfer window. He's going to have to compete with snakes-in-the-grass like Barcelona and Real Madrid, and unless he can lie effectively, our chances of buying someone in the Valencia firesale are shot.

2. Danny Fiszman didn't wait for the Highbury Square development to go to completion before selling his shares. It's been speculated that the reason the lockdown agreement expired in mid 2009 was so board members could sell at the inflated share price that the Highbury Square should have provided. For Fiszman to sell his shares now, rather than a few months down the track, means that the Highbury Square development will probably not deliver a profit.

3. The board lockdown agreement meant that the board members had to offer each other their shares, before allowing anyone else to buy. The other members also have to approve purchases. So Kroenke's purchase was done with the tacit approval of the board, and gives Kroenke a more promenient role at the club. It also confirms him as the board's preferred potential owner, if and when the rest decide to sell their shares.

4. Alongside the appointment of Gazidis as CEO, it gives Arsenal pretty extensive knowledge of the American sports market in general, and the MLS in particular. Gazidis was the CEO of the MLS before his appointment with the Arsenal, and Kroenke owns the Colorado Rapids. So I expect something major in terms of commercial expansion happening in the next few years.

5. The spotlight now falls on Nina Bracewell-Smith, who has a 15% stake and was ousted from the board last year. With Usmanov on 25% and Kroenke on 20%, whoever she'll sell to will end up with enough shares to mount a full takeover. Which is a problem because the other side will probably refuse to sell. Which would lead to activation of the "death-match" clause in the Arsenal constitution. With this clause, Usmanov and Kroenke will step into a cage and the cage is then locked. Nina Bracewell-Smith will then breaks a pool cue in half and throws the two halves into the cage. And whoever comes out is the new owner of Arsenal FC.

6. It's a great distraction from the other big story of the day, that van Persie's injured himself while on international duty. Again. It's a hamstring strain, so knowing the Arsenal physio team, he'll be out for 3 months at least. Damn van Persie's hamstrings. Gosh darn, golly gosh darn. Can't he stay uninjured for ONE season at least?

Can't be arsed

I seriously cannot be arsed.

It's June and miserable. El Nino's taking a break and the hills of Glen Waverly shimmer in a hazy blanket of rain. It's a bit like a postcard, I suppose. I know I shouldn't complain when we're down to 20% storage capacity, but sometimes I think the drought's a good thing.

Maybe it's the meds. I heard that after a month or so, you get really, really blase about everything. I was already pretty apathetic to begin with, so it's going to be an interesting few weeks. I hope I still have the motivation to put on fresh underwear.

Anyway, Kroenke's joining the board. It just shows what a hideous over-reaction it was from Hill-Wood and co. Kroenke will be good for Arsenal. He'll offer a new perspective to the club, and give organizational insights from other sports. Good bloke. If they'd just accepted him as our "American cousin" a few months back, we wouldn't be in this position with Usmanov.

Adebayor's probably off for 25 million. Or whatever. We should use it to buy Villa. And hire Naomi Campbell as our new defensive midfielder. She's one scary lady.