Can Wenger sign someone, please?

"I am not conservative. I am realistic. It is different. We spend only the money we get. We have nobody who comes out when you lose £250million and says 'Listen, I make you a cheque' and life goes on. We live in a realistic world."

- Arsene Wenger, who has a very conservative view of reality

It'd been said that one of the conditions of the stadium finance deal was that Wenger is obliged to spend 70% of all his transfer takings, on either transfer fees or wages. This means that Wenger is obliged to spend 70% of that £41m that we got from Man City. That's £28.7m, which in my opinion, is sufficient buy someone of quality.

The problem is that we've probably got less than £28.7m to spend. We've spent a lot of money improving the contracts of our squad. I disapprove of that. We have the 3rd highest wage bill in the Premier League, and we have a thin squad with inexperienced backups. What's the point of improving Diaby's contract when we don't have a replacement for Song? What's the point of extending Rosicky's contract when he's injured half the time? And what's the point of giving all our kids large contracts when we still need a defensive midfielder, a centre-back and a goalkeeper?

The issue of the moment is the impeding financial ruin of Liverpool and Man Utd. Liverpool's drowning in debt, and will probably go into meltdown if they don't qualify for the Champions League. Man Utd are hocked to the eyeballs in debt, and may need to sell their training grounds and their stadium to keep themselves solvent. The consensus seems to be that cheque-book managerialism doesn't pay in the long-run.

I disagree.

The reason Liverpool are failing as a business is that their owners borrowed to buy the club, and are using the club's income to pay off the debt. They don't have a stadium big enough to generate the revenue of an elite club. However, they have the player roster and wages of an elite club. They're being squeezed from both ends. They need a new stadium to increase their revenue, but the owners have spent all their borrowed money on players and wages. There's nothing left to fund the stadium.

The reason Man Utd are failing is because the Glazers' are leeches. Man Utd are a remarkably profitable club - it's just the club's profit is being used to pay off the Glazers' borrowings. No business saddled with £700m in bad debt is healthy. If it wasn't for the Glazers, Man Utd would be generating profit every year, instead of going into debt because of interest payments. The Glazers are just the blood out of Mad Utd.

So where does that leave us? We're in a good positio; we have a large debt but it's on long-term low interest rate. The debt's being used to pay off our stadium. And the banks have actually made it a condition that we must invest in the squad, through that 70% investment rule.

So why the hell are we resigning our players on over-the-top wages, signing stop-gap solutions like Sol Campbell, and fielding sub-standard players like Almunia? We've got the money. It's stipulated that we spend it. So why can't we spend on players who can make us stronger?

C'mon Wenger, buy us someone exciting.

History repeating

"You're still going to do it, aren't you? It's the funniest thing - even after talking about it tonight, you're going to go ahead and do it anyway. You don't learn. You know it's a bad idea, but you're still going to go after her."

- my friend, a couple of hours ago. 

It's not a good idea to go after a friend's hot sister.

 

I know it's wrong to go after her. It's very, very wrong, and there are so many potential pitfalls that my head reels. Intellectually, I can grasp that it's a bad idea. Emotionally, I can understand it. Even viscerally, I get a bit queasy as I think about her, and I realise she's not for me. I've been down this path before, and I have no desire to go back down it, but then again... 

There must be a special sub-section of Hades reserved for people like us. Sisyphus rolls his boulder up the hill all eternity. Tantalus bends over for a drink from the pool, just to watch it disappear from his grasp. I keep chasing girls I really shouldn't be after. And Arsene Wenger cobbles together a potentially championship-winning side, only to watch it crumble through injuries.

It's all so clear when you're on the outside looking in. Take the Arsenal and our current run of injuries to our strikers. Before the weekend, Bendtner and Walcott were out, Vela wasn't not match-fit and Eduardo's in rather sketchy form. We were doing okay with that. But now that van Persie's out until Christmas, we're left with just one fit, poorly-performing striker for at least a month.  

The tragedy is that it was pretty obvious this could've happened. 

We sold Adebayor for £25 million and didn't feel the need to replace him. Instead, we relied on van Persie being fit for a full season. van Persie has had one injury-free season in all his time at Arsenal. Odds are that he wasn't going to last the season. They say he's out for six weeks, but you know with van Persie that those six weeks can easily stretch to three months.

Why did we do that? Why did we put our faith in van Persie's dodgy hamstrings and frail ankles? With that £25 million, we could've bought an Aguero or a Benzema or even a David Villa. We could've got a striker of van Persie's quality, but without van Persie's injuries. But we didn't.

It's happened before, and we're all a bit bemused by it. Losing Vieira, we dallied around and never bought the DM we needed. Losing Lehmann, we prevaricated and never got the great 'keeper we required to win the tight games. Losing David Dein, it took us three years before we got our act together and hired Ivan Gazidis. 

I think Wenger has this idea that we can keep recruiting from within: Diaby can replace Vieira; Song can replace Gilberto; Walcott can replace Henry; Bendtner can replace Adebayor; and so forth indefinitely, like a Fibonacci sequence that keeps on expanding. It works to a degree, but it doesn't. We drop too many points and lose too many games to ever be good enough to win the league this way. 

The problem is that we never learn. We like to think that we're creatures of logic, but really, we're still governed by chemicals and tiny, hard-wired electrical signals that don't give a fuck about things like logic and rationality and good common sense. Wenger might go into a transfer period resolved to make a clean sweep and buy the players we need, but the minute he steps out on the training pitch he sees his proteges, his heart surges with pride, and he wants to give them one more chance. 

Hope springs eternal. This time might be different. You never know unless you try. There's always one more season to gain experience, and one more unsuitable girl to chase. And after all, she is very attractive. 

From the AGM

"We haven’t got $500 billion to put into the club, but I suspect that we will be challenging — but I don’t consider Tottenham and Aston Villa rivals. I am very confident and any worries about Champions League income are unlikely to be the case.”

- Peter Hill-Wood, who isn't worried about threats to 4th place

It was AGM night in England last night. And of the many splendored things that Peter Hill-Wood said that night, that quote was the one that really pisses me off. It's such a snobbish, stupid, smug, self-absorbed, self-satisfied thing to say.

I don't understand why Peter Hill-Wood is sneering at Tottenham and Aston Villa for spending money in order to improve the quality of their teams. That's what football clubs do, Peter. Just because Arsenal sell their players for large amounts of money and don't reinvest the funds, it doesn't mean other clubs do the same. For ambitious clubs, they seek to add players to their squad every year in order to improve it.

I don't understand why Hill-Wood thinks he's got a right to be superior. In case he hasn't noticed, we have finished 4th or 3rd for the past four years. We haven't won in five years. We've stagnated. What's worse is that there hasn't been any sign of ambition from the Club to achieve more than 4th place and a Champions League place. For a club the size of Arsenal, that's pathetic.

And finally, I don't understand how Peter Hill-Wood got it in his head that 4th place is some sort of "prize" that we should be celebrating. For a club of our size, 4th place and CL qualification is the minimum. Celebrating that is madness, like jumping for joy when you get out of the bathtub because you managed not to drown yourself. I had a look at the club's profile on the official site, and nowhere on the list of our Premier League achievements does it list our proud record of 4th, 4th, 3rd, and 4th.

The other significant news from the AGM was that Stan Kroenke was asked about his intentions with the Club and he said.... nothing. Under the rules of the Takeover Panel, all public statements against a future bid must be unambiguous, or he'd be prevented from a formal move for six months. I hope the following prediction is ambiguous enough for Stan's liking - in the next six months, we're going to see a giant bust of Kroenke in the Emirate's forecourt with a motorised mouth which speaks "In Stan We Trust", and flaming eyeballs which shoots flaming eyes at gooners who dare to suggest that 4th place isn't good enough for a Club of our stature, or that certain Wengerish transfers are a bit geriatric.

And Arsene Wenger spoke about his confidence that we're going to win something this year:

“This year I am convinced we will win a trophy. It will come down to how resilient, consistent, intelligent and united we are until the end because there will be tough times. There will be periods when it will be difficult, but we have to show our strengths that have always made this club special. This team is now ready to go for it and I am convinced we will perform throughout the season.”

We've heard this before, Wenger. Why don't we just get through Christmas before we make any rash promises, hey?

Wenger for the Nobel Prize

I was shocked when Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I felt it was premature. He's only been in government for 8 months, and hasn't had time to much. It's even more remarkable when you realise that nominations for the Nobel Peace Prize closed a few days after Obama's inauguration. 

There were reasons for it. The committee cited the new mood in global diplomacy, and Obama's efforts in nuclear disarmament. And people have suggested that the prize was given as encouragement to Obama to stay the course, and to push for the reforms that the US require. 

But I suspect that there's another reason behind it, one that many of committee would be embarrassed to admit. I think Obama has become a symbol upon which we can project our hopes for the future. There's a lot wrong with the world at the moment, and for some reason, we seem to think that Obama can solve the problems. It's silly to think so, but we all need hope in something. I think the prize was given to Obama speculatively, as if by bestowing upon him the rewards of great deeds, Obama will perform the great deeds that would earn those rewards.  

Then again, the Nobel Peace Prize has always been slightly speculative. It's not like prizes for physics or chemistry, where theories have to have been established for years before a prize is awarded. The peace prize has often been handed out as an encouragement, to draw recognition to activists who are fighting against the odds and without much outside help. Often, it's not so much about success (how can you award someone for an abstract noun?), as it is about the effort. 

Anyway, in the spirit of speculative Nobel Peace Prize nominations, I'd like to nominate Arsene Wenger for the 2010 prize. He's got a lot of characteristics that the Nobel Prize committee are looking for:

1. He's transformed the most conservative, Establishment club in England into a bastion of progressive thinking and innovation. We're the only club that doesn't try to appeal to the insularity that grips English football, and I think Wenger has played a huge role in that. And I reckon Arsenal hoodlums are the most cosmopolitan of all the British football thugs. 

2. He's incredibly optimistic about the ability of people to better themselves - think of how many chances he's given to this squad, and the number of times he's come out publicly to support them. And think about the number of players he's let go because they would have more opportunities to improve themselves elsewhere. And he's an advocate of free movement of people. 

3. He's knit together a polyglot, multinational team that's a shining example of the benefits of globalisation. Over the past 13 years, it's pretty obvious that Wenger looks at people, not passports. There are about has many nationalities as people in the squad, and remarkably, they all get along - aside from the odd head-butt on the pitch. 

The only fault I could find with him is his relaxed attitude towards child labour. We're a club that actively targets 16 year olds as potential employees. In what other field (other than fast-food franchisees) would this be condoned? It's a slipperary slope from giving a 16 year old a football contract to giving a 6 year old a job in Laos sweatshop. 

Still, I think Wenger would be a worthy candidate for the Noble Peace Prize. Granted, it'll only be speculative at this stage. Wenger hasn't done anything with this squad yet. If he could only win the frickin' Premier League, he'd be a shoe-in. But if Obama could win it after 8 months in the office, why cant' Wenger win it after 13 years as manager?

Who's our next manager?

"I have a very strong relationship with this Club. But I always believe the most important thing in the Club is that everybody does what he is paid for and not the rest. If they consult me I will give an opinion but I certainly will not name the next manager because that's not my job and I wouldn't like to do anything other than my job."

- Arsene Wenger

Arsene Wenger won't do anything other than his job.

After observing his activities in the past five years, therefore, Wenger must be paid to be the manager, the head scout, the CEO, a board member, a stadium planner, a financial adviser, an accountant and the Arsenal's main PR spokesman. That's a heck of a job description. No wonder he's on £5 million a year.

One of the problems of the past five years is that Wenger has been doing too much at the Arsenal. It is a coincidence that our transfers dwindled in the time between the sacking of David Dein and the hiring of Ivan Gazidis? I don't think so. Since Dein left, Wenger has been focused too much on off-the-pitch matters, such as balancing the books, negotiating contracts, and developing Arsenal change rooms along feng shui principles. And during that time, our squad has been allowed to stagnate.

I hope this statement is a sign that things are getting back to normal. Ivan Gazidis may be a mouthpiece for the Arsenal Board, but he's effective at his job and he's taking the off-the-pitch pressure off Wenger. I hope this arrangement works out. It's time that Wenger concentrated his efforts on on-the-pitch matters, such as landing our first Premier League title in over five years.

That said, it would be interesting to speculate on our next manager. I assume that when he retires, Wenger will take up some sort of advisory role at the Club. And I assume that the next manager at Arsenal would be someone who shares Wenger's football philosophy and his parsimoney. However, there aren't many established coaches who would accept a position like Arsenal manager, if Wenger is still at the Club in some capacity.

Which leads me to suspect that the next manager will be an inside appointment, someone understands the crazy principles of Wengerball. Wenger's been on record saying that some of his old players have the potential to be Arsenal managers. He's mentioned Henry as one example. And I'm sure Tony Adams, Martin Keown or Dennis Bergkamp would have an interest in managing Arsenal.

However, I've another target in mind. From my Football Manager 08 saved game, I know that Patrick Vieira has the potential to be an excellent manager. After taking over from me at Arsenal, he won two Premier League and three Champions League titles in the space of five years. He then managed France to a World Cup win. He was an awesome player, and he turns into an awesome manager.

Maybe that's the real reason we've been linked to him in January?

Our "Unbelievable" Squad

“We sold Kolo and Adebayor but bought Vermaelen. That money is for me. I know how much I have and I am happy with it... Do we have the squad to compete with the other [‘Big’] four? I say yes. We have an unbelievable squad. Where do you put all the talented players?"

- Arsene Wenger, who'd have a problem (hypothetically) fitting Benzema, Villa, Huntelaar, De Rossi, Akinfeev, M.Diarra, van der Vaart, Zapata, Sakho and Richards into this current Arsenal side

I think we have an "unbelievable" squad as well.

I think it's unbelievable that Almunia's still our No.1 goalkeeper. I think it's unbelievable that Song is the only physically robust defensive midfielder in the side. I think it's unbelievable that we're using the transfer surplus to resign our kids on large contracts, and not using it to bring in on experienced players to augment our side. And I think it's unbelievable to think that Wenger can't find a spare position to place a player like Akinfeev. Or Villa. Or Huntelaar.

There is a lot of unbelievability going on at Arsenal at the moment.

Earlier in the week, Gazidis said that:

"We believe transfer spending is the last resort. That's a sensible view to have. Re-signing existing players is a far more efficient system. What Arsene will not do is spend money on players that do not add something of real value."

I disagree with Gazidis. At the moment, we're paying very large contracts to youngsters who haven't proved that they've earned it. Take Theo Walcott. Now, I love Theo Walcott, but I think it's a disgrace that we're paying him 60k a week and yet can't find the money to bring in someone like Huntelaar or Villa.

It's something we've got to sort out.

I fail to see how resigning a promising young player to a very large contract turns him into a great player. Especially if that young player hasn't done anything to justify such a large contract. Just because we want to pay Theo Walcott more money than David Villa earns, doesn't automatically turn Walcott into a better player. It just turns him into an overpaid youngster with a fat contract and with a lot to prove.

Contrary to Gazidis, I think the sensible thing would be to pay our players what they're worth, and use the extra money saved to bring in experienced players who can add "real value" to the Club.

And today, Peter Hill-Wood escaped his minders and held a "wide-ranging interview with ESPNsoccernet". I can't seem to find the full interview on the soccernet website, but I did find one excerpt in which he said:

"Arsene thought long and hard about selling Adebayor. But there were pretty strong rumours last year that he wanted to go. Perhaps it was time to let him go. I don't regret losing him, in fact I don't regret any of the sales made by Arsene, he has pretty good judgement as it has been shown time and time again. He doesn't always tell you, i.e. the press, or even me exactly why he is selling them, he might not always give me the reason, but we always back his judgement."

And while I agree that Wenger's an excellent judge of talent, I'm scratching my head at the moment. Peter Hill-Wood might be content with Arsenal cruising to 4th every year, but I'm not. I look at the financial reports coming out of Arsenal, and we're rich. We can afford to spend a significant amount of money to bring in the one or two players that would complete the team. We've certainly got £40 million in the bank at the moment, and that could surely be used on a class 'keeper or a solid defensive midfielder.

I'm probably being overly negative here. But we're leaking goals like a seive, our problems haven't been addressed, and Club Management is chatting to the media and telling everyone that the Arsenal are going splendidly. There's a fundamental disconnect going on here, and it irritates me.

Fulham up tonight. 2-0, with Szczesny to start, and Eduardo and Vermaelen to score. It's a game we should win, and should win comfortably.

C'mon Gunners.

The Shareholder Meeting

‘The idea Arsene Wenger is some stubborn guy who is not open to having his ideas challenged, and there is nobody there who can say, “Listen, we need someone with experience in the middle of the park or at the back”, just isn’t true."

-Ivan Gazidis, lying through his tiger-like teeth

Apparently, there were a lot of prickly moments at the shareholders' meeting. A lot of gooners were upset about the season, and a lot of them asked a lot of uncomfortable questions. Wenger danced, and ducked, and hit back when someone called Silvestre a "geriatric". He looked tetchy and defensive, and didn't want to be there. Despite what Gazidis says, his behaviour was the behaviour of a stubborn guy.

I say apparently, because I haven't seen or read any first-hand accounts of the meeting. It would've been interesting viewing, but the good folks over at ArsenalTV were a bit over-zealous with regards to the editing. From a 1 hour meeting, they released a 35-minute video. Go figure, right? Still, there's a good commentary provided by Vic Crescit of the Arsenal Insider. And a number of quotes supplied by the Times and the Daily Mail. You know you're scratching when you're sourcing from the Daily Mail, but still, one must make do with what one has.

The quotes below are taken from the Times. Bear in mind that these quotes are taken out of context from the Times article, which was taken out of context from the shareholder meeting. I'm not a primary source. I'm not even a secondary source. In schoolyard terms, I'm the final guy in a long chain of Chinese whispers.

Still, what's the use of a blog if you can't use it to express your ill-informed opinion?

“I believe what the team has achieved in the last six months is amazing but at the moment . . . it’s all one big tribunal. I can take that, I don’t care too much about that. For me it’s one of the best seasons for a long time considering where we were in November."

It IS remarkable to have acheived 4th spot and the semis of the FA Cup and the Champions League. Back in January, we were outplayed by Everton and seriously looking at 6th. But if you look at it from January 2008, we've slid quite far. The Arsenal of 07-08 needed maybe two or three players to win the league. The Arsenal of 08-09 need at least three players to challenge for the league. That's a pretty big step down.

“Is it good enough for the club or not? That is not for me to assess. I personally believe that we have to keep a little bit of common sense. Our average age in midfield is 22 — normally you play not to go down in the Premier League with a team like that. It’s as simple as that.”

With the above quote, we get to see the heart of the problem. Wenger defends the season by saying how youthful the midfield is. He forgets to mention the reason it's so youthful - he allowed Flamini, Hleb, Diarra and Gilberto to leave within six months of each other, and replaced them with kids. To get his kids up to 4th place is a remarkable achievement. To take a team that was challenging for the Premier League back down to 4th place, however, is nothing less than a failure.

“We lose against Man United, who have ten times more resources. It’s not a [reason to feel] shame, they are the best in the world."

Wenger forgets to mention that we've the 3rd highest payroll in the Premier League, and the 6th highest turnover in world football. Or something like that. My Internet connection's on the blink and I can't be bothered scanning for statistics, but you get the drift. In terms of resources, we've got almost as much as Man Utd, just just structure it differently.

We have the resources to pay for an expensive squad, we have the turnover of a global club. We're structured in a way that we pay our young players more than other top clubs pay their young players, and hence, we don't pay our top players as much. This is the reason we lose our more experienced players year in, year out (Adebayor this year, Flamini and Hleb last year, Henry the year before that).

“It has become ridiculous. You sit here, you are in the last four in Europe, and every day, you feel you have killed someone. It is unbelievable. If you do not take a distance with it, you think, what kind of world do we live in?"

Well, we live in a world where Arsenal are a big European club that cannot challenge for the Premier League, that pays its young players too much and its older players too little, that will not recruit experienced players to top up the squad, that doesn't practice defensive setups, that fields disinterested, unmotivated players...

In shot, we live in a world where the Arsenal frustrates the hell out of us.

The worrying thing is that Arsene Wenger comes off as a guy who still likes to bury his head in the sand and believe that his way is the only way of doing things. And if he keeps on with this track in the transfer season, we'll be back where we started from next season, with a friable defense and a overly thin squad. And the tragedy is that it doesn't have to be like this at all. Just a couple of signings in the right places, and maybe recruit Keown as a defensive coach, and we'll be right as rain.

A Wenger Retrospective

"Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like."

- Author Unknown

This is Wenger in 1996, when he first started at the Arsenal.


This is Wenger in 1998, celebrating the league and cup double.


This is Wenger in 2004, after winning the league with probably the best team ever.


And this is him now, with the weight of the world on his shoulders...


Wenger's been with us for 13 years. It's a very long time. He inherited a prosaic, ugly football side and turned it into the most beautiful thing ever seen on a football field. He's won two doubles. He's gone unbeaten in a season. He's unearthed players like Henry and Vieira and *cough cough* Ashley Cole. And through it all, one thing's remained constant - his haircut.

He hasn't changed his hair in 13 years. That's a very long time. In that time, we've had eight years of George W Bush, a war on terror, the Galactico era, the rise and fall of Ronaldinho, the geriatrics experiment at Milan, Chelski and Ashley Cole. Wenger's hair has served him well in that time, and has presided over the best spell of football that Arsenal have ever seen. Still, it's time for a change.

A haircut says a lot about a man. Having the same hair for thirteen years says that Wenger is stuck in his ways. That said, I think Wenger has very nice hair and it suits him very well. It's a classy haircut. It just needs a little freshening up - maybe something with the fringe, or some highlights.

A Fresh Start

"Maybe football teams and people always have fresh starts; maybe Arsenal and I have more than most, and therefore we are suited to each other."

- Nick Hornby, Fever Pitch

First Lee Dixon. Then Ray Parlour. Now Emanuel Petit. Our former players have been coming out of the woodwork lately, telling everybody that we're short on experienced players. And if we can't believe ex-Arsenal players, who can we believe?

There have been a lot of bloggers posting a lot of hyperbolic crap about the Arsenal in recent days. I find it annoying because it takes focus away from my own brand of irrelevant, pugnacious crap. And I like it when my crap glistens proudly in the limelight. There's only room for so much crap in the Arsenal blogosphere...

Anyway, we all know the problem. 

Put it simply, the Arsenal needs a fresh approach. Wenger's been at the club for over ten years, and most of his staff have been with him for a similar time. All of this current players have been signed by Wenger, and most of them have played under him for many years. And the result of all this is that we've become stale, complacent and short of originality. 

Things have been changing lately. I'm pinning a lot of my hopes Stan Kroenke. Kroenke's stumped up a lot of money to get that 28% stake, and I suspect he not going to stop with just ownership. He'll want to turn Arsenal, a nationally big club, into an internationally big club. And to attract the plastic, glory-hunting global fan base, we need... well, glory. A hat-trick of 4th places isn't going to sway my prawn-sandwich eating prospective brethren from Asia, the Middle East and Australia. 

To attract the plastics, we need trophies. 

I'm hoping Arshavin's signature signalled the start of a new future for the Arsenal. He's a brilliant player, brought up in a different footballing school. He's got drive, ambition, and he's a leader. The effect he's had on the other players has been amazing. It makes me dizzy when I think about what this team would be like with three or four more experience, quality players at the club. But it can't stop there. 

We need new ideas at the Arsenal. I'm not advocating Wenger's sacking. I think he's still the best manager for us. But what I do think is that he needs to bring someone into the club to challenge him and to make him reassess his approach. He needs an assistant manager who has the authority and the gumption to question the great man. He needs someone to organise the team defensively, to motivate them before games, to practise their f@$king set-pieces. 

We need a fresh start. 

I finished up at work today. The last day of five years in my first job, and I finished it both bloody happy and bloody sad. It's the right thing to do, and the exhilaration is making me nauseous. It's time for a fresh approach. I need the kick-start to re-organise my tactics, to get motivated before games, to practice my f@$king set-pieces. 

And as Nick Hornby says, "the neat and obvious synchronism of it all still baffles me."

Summer Signings

"Clearly, you can prove anything with stats. So I never quote stats. But Chelsea, playing at home, did not control this game. Barcelone won 77.8% of their tackles, more than the home team's 69.8%."

- Myles Palmer, who says the darndest things

Myles wrote anther article as well, about how the Xabi Alonso transfer fell apart over £200,000. That was an interesting, albeit frustrating, read. But I chose the above quote because it's funnier, and cheers me up. Myles Palmer always unintentionally cheers me up. He's like a short-sighted mole with no peripheral vision. 

We could've used Xabi Alonso this year. He's an excellent player, and while he's not a like-for-like replacement for Flamini, he would have improved the team. We've all seen the impact Arshavin had on the side, and I figure Alonso would've done similar. We have a soft chewy centre at the Arsenal at the moment, and Alonso would've been a tough old nut floating in the middle of that caramel goo. 

I'm pinning my hopes on the fact that Ivan Gazidis is a guy who gets things done. He's like a bald-headed tiger. He couldn't look more tigerish if he painted orange and black stripes on his skull. He got down and dirty with Zenit St Petersburg over Arshavin. He's ready for the transfer season, ready to fight the sharks of Barcelona and Real Madrid over the juicy ewes at the Valencia fire-sale.

He's a tiger in a sea of sharks. The sharks might think he's easy prey because he's in the ocean and out of his comfort zone, but they forget that tigers have claws, teeth and the element of surprise. After all, how many sharks know that tigers are relatively good swimmers?

And meanwhile, Wenger is saying the same old things:

"I'm not chasing any player at the moment. I believe my priority is to stay with the squad we have. We will try of course to bring in one or two players to strengthen the squad... if we buy, it certainly won't be players who lack experience. We have enough of those."

It's something he's been saying since Vieira left and wasn't replaced by anyone of experience. Frankly, I'm sick of read it. Really, the only thing that makes me think that this season will be different is Ivan Gazidis. 

Growl. 

The Horse's Mouth

I hate Peter Hill-Wood almost as much as I hate injustice. That's a picture of him above. For a man in such a lofty position (right-hand side of Wenger, no less), he makes some incredibly stupid remarks. And here's the latest from the horse's mouth:

"That is not strictly correct. We have never denied Arsene any transfer requests. We spent a lot of money on Andrey Arshavin at the beginning of the year and the money is there in the summer, if he wants. I'm not going to say how much thought, because that would not be helpful to us."

This is, of course, not strictly correct. We know Arsenal's been on a strict transfer budget. It cannot be coincidence that outgoing and incoming transfer fees have been almost exactly equal for a number of years. We were given £30 million last year for transfer fees AND wages, which makes for very little pocket change for new players. 

The money is there, but it's not sitting in a Scrooge McDuck-type money vault somewhere on a hill. The money is in a "transfer facility" which we can tap if required. We tapped it during January when it looked like we were going to miss out on a Champions League spot. There can't be that much money in it. We all thought we'd buy at least two players (a creative player and a defensive midfielder), but we ended up haggling over £2 million for Arshavin over the entire transfer window while our team drifted. If we really had a lot of money to spend, we would've spent much more in January. 

Furthermore, Hill-Wood seems to think that £15 million is a lot of money. He's been living too long in the real world, and not the football one. £15 million for Arshavin will go down as one of the bargains of the decade. We'll never see a deal like that again. If Hill-Wood sweats over £15 million, I'd hate to see his reaction when told how much David Silva would cost. 

He goes on to say:

"Arsene's future is not in question.. he has another season left on his contract and if he was to ask for an extension we would be delighted.... There are other things to think. He is a long-term person. He is not into trying to have a quick fix."

This leaves me sweating. It means that Wenger's going to keep buying kids until he comes across 11 who are capable of challenging for trophies. It's kind of like that monkeys on typewriters experiment, only with football. And he'll be urged on by Peter Hill-Wood and his band of Etonian cronies, who are high on a hill somewhere and swimming Scrooge McDuck-like money vault. 

There is a ray of light, though. Kroenke and Gazidis have arrived, like two reverse conquistadors ready to bring the whole in-bred, upper-class, Old-Boys Arsenal boardroom network crashing to the ground. They're here to overthrow the empire, crack open the fabulous wealth of the Arsenal and splurge on players, Japanese fighting-fish and defensive coaches. Do we need their sort at the club? 

Hell yes. 

N.B. Just want to clarify my position - it's not that I think Arsenal don't have access to fabulous wealth (the two largest shareholders are billionaires, after all), I just think they'd rather not spend it on the non-essentials - like the football team...

The Fink Tank

"So in the Fink Tank, Wenger has a fan. We understand his idea of trying to improve the team over time."

- The Fink Tank, the Times

A prophet is never appreciated in his own town, and a football manager is never appreciated in his own time. In the immediacy of a difficult Premier League season, it's hard to be mindful of the genuine class of Arsene Wenger. At the moment, we're howling at the moon because of the deficiencies of our squad and the baffling tactical decisions.  And truthfully, I don't think we'll fully appreciate the brilliance of Wenger until he's gone. It takes time for genius to be recognised. 

The Fink Tank wrote a good article which recognised Wenger's unique gifts. In it, Finkelstein looks at Arsenal's salary bill and compares it to their league position. And if you look at it that way, it's true, we've over-achieved. And if you bear in mind that a big percentage of the wage bill is spent on enticing youth players away from other clubs, the salary bill to league position ratio more impressive still. 

But there a corollary: we're paying our superstars much less than what they can earn with the big big clubs. When players reach a certain age and realise they could be earning much more elsewhere, they'll jump ship (e.g. Hleb, Flamini). It's understandable, but it's frustrating because we'll never be in the position to capitalise on the youth policy. Despite the impressive economic results, we won't be able to turn it into material success. 

And when you get down to it, that's what we really want. Material success. This is a material world, and we're all material girls and boys. There's only so much comfort you can take from sound economic principles and pretty passing. The heart of a football fan beats for shiny metal trophies. And in our shiny metal lust, sometimes we overlook other qualities. 

I don't know. I was going somewhere with this, but I think I'll stop now. Had enough of blogging for one day. Stuff to do, you know. 

Wenger's Mind Bullets

What powers you ask? I dunno, how about the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That's levitation holmes.
How about the power to kill a yak, from 200 yards away...
With mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Kyle.
How about the power... to move you?

- Wonderboy, Tenacious D

I was checking the Arsenal site for match details, and I came across a few tidbits from Wenger. Our manager's been busy ahead of the FA Cup match tonight. He's been trying to psyche-out Chelsea. I haven't seen such venom from Wenger since the peak of the Ferguson-Wenger rivalry.

Firstly, he implies Guus Hiddink is doddering old man (who's only four years older than him):

“I rate him highly. When you come to his age and have survived in top level competition then you have quality."

Then he disses Hiddink, Scolari, Grant and Mourinho.... actually the Abramovich era:

“Chelsea is is a little bit of an exception, but only recently. Mourinho stayed two or three years and Ranieri stayed five years. And Ranieri has been the foundation of today's team. It is Ranieri who built this team, not anybody else."

Then he targets Drogba, first by reminding him that he was mediocre for most of his career, and that Arsenal and all the big French clubs rejected him when he was a young player:

“When he was in Le Mans we watched him carefully... All the French clubs watched him but nobody took him. It is a mistake but when you are in football everyone can understand it.... We didn't miss him because we didn't want [him]. We had Thierry Henry at the time.”

And then this little gem:

“He is a fighter and I believe that we want to make sure that we combat him... But we have to consider that Adebayor can do the same to them, that Bendtner can do the same too. Also Drogba will play against Silvestre and Kolo Toure, who are strong defenders. So I do not worry about Drogba tomorrow. Not at all.”

He even tries to play mind games with the Wembley groundsmen:

"When I heard they had problems with the pitch that was a big disappointment because you always felt you wanted to play at Wembley as there was something special on the pitch there... I expect a good pitch but the noises I get are not as convincing as the former pitch. But the former pitch was really something special.”

And what did Le Boss have to say about our side?

“But we relish that type of pressure. We want the pressure [of success] and are happy to have it. I don’t expect any weakness from Chelsea, I just expect full strength from our squad."

After all these mental assaults, I expect Chelsea to crawl onto a picture-perfect Wembley pitch with their confidence shattered and their manager hobbling on a zipper frame. I expect our boys to fly in with determination and confidence. Such is the deadly accuracy of Arsene Wenger's mind bullets.

He has the power... to move us.

4-1 to the Arsenal

"We are Wigan and they are Arsenal... I would not claim that we would have won the game but I do know it is easier to beat Arsenal when they have 10 men."

- Steve Bruce, not claiming Arsenal are dirty, lying cheaters

I considered staying up to watch the match, but decided against it. It's getting painful to stay up past my  bedtime. When you're young, you survive for weeks at a time in an unfocused, sleep-deprived lassitude, but when you're older,  you kind of value an uninterrupted ten hours of sleep.

It sounded like a good one from the match report, though. It's always nice to win 4-1, and it's always nice to do it coming from behind. It shows a bit of character. We're not the same Arsenal that used to kill teams off in the first 20 minutes, but as long as we stick it out to the end, we'll get the points. Two of our goals were scored in the last few minutes, which goes to show that the Arsenal play the full 90 minutes these days. 

But seeing as I didn't see the game, I can't really comment on it. All I've got to go on is the match report, and a couple of highlights that I haven't seen yet. 

What struck me from the match report was Steve Bruce's comment. Firstly, he states that he can't claim that Wigan would've won if Gibbs had been sent off, and then in the next breath, he implies that they would've won, probably. It's a bit of sophistry that's right up there with "If I've given offence, I'm sorry". It's unreasonable, but I'd like to see a manager come out and say that a decision was atrocious and cost their team: a goal; a win; safety from relegation; European qualification; the league title.... 

Sometimes, I just want a bit of emotional honesty from our managers. 

But I suppose managers are PR men these days as well as trainers. They have to talk the talk, pump up their players, placate the sponsors, suck up to the media and spout platitudes to the fans. They've got to appease so many people that it's little wonder that they speak in couched, carefully-worded inanities. 

Which makes this interview from Arsene Wenger a breath of fresh air:

"I think I have been tough because I continued to believe in this team when nobody else did... you can't do a public job in a big club, not win matches and say they are all imbeciles."

I have to admit, I thought Wenger was a bit unhinged. Around December, when he was saying we were 2% away from winning the Premiership and he was calling Eboue his "pass master", I was worrying about his mental well-being. So it's reassuring to hear this admission. Turn outs that Wenger wasn't just a crazy man with way too much faith in his charges - he was just lying to us. Somehow, that's a bit more palatable. 

Anyway, we won 4-1 against Wigan. And if we beat Villareal on Wedneday, we're into the semi-finals of the Champions League, against a team we thrashed 4-0 earlier on in the season. If things keep going well, Wenger won't have to lie again for a long, long time. 

Transfer out?

"I believe it can be distracting. It is a period when you have to be completely in to be successful. You cannot be half in and a little bit out, or 90 per cent in and a bit out, because that 10 per cent you can miss at an important moment of the game."

- Arsene Wenger, banning talks of transfers to focus our remaining games

I'm surprised by this quote from Wenger. We've had a series of transfer rumours about van Persie, Adebayor and Cesc leaving in the summer. We've had responses from the players and the manager about how they're all focused on this season and the necessity of winning something this season, but I don't think I've read any quote by a player stating that they're definitely staying. And now, not even Wenger's saying that our boys are staying beyond this season.

I'm a bit afraid that, if we don't win anything this year, we're headed for an almighty clear-out. I can't seen van Persie signing a new contract, and I can't see us hanging onto Adebayor. I can see Cesc staying for another year or so out of loyalty to Wenger, but even he'll leave if there's no visible sign of improvement.

It's a bit alarmist because you can't judge intentions through media quotes. No one really knows what's going on in the heads of all these guys, and no one knows what their intentions are. If we win the FA Cup or the Champions League (it's doable), then all this is speculation, and we'll probably hang onto our players. But if we don't, then what happens?

It's a bit frightening for the club because we don't need another clearout. While it'll be nice to add superstars like Eto'o or Silva to the side, what we really need is to keep the bulk of the squad together. Losing talented players like Adeabayor and van Persie will be a blow. The way the Arsenal play requires players who are really familiar with each others' games. And if we need replacements, it'll take us a few seasons to adjust. And we're all a bit sick of transition seasons by now.

But perhaps it's inevitable. Wenger's not saying that these are required players and that there's no chance of them leaving. He's just saying that we're postponing these talks until after the season ends. And once we're knocked out of the cups, we'll sit and wait and watch Barcelona and Milan slowly pick our team apart.

So maybe, probably, definitely, some of our boys are leaving next year.

It's pretty frustrating because we were so close last year before we lost Flamini and Hleb. And after a horrible first half of the season, we're starting to see the seeds of the next great Arsenal side in this current team; well, you can see it if you squint and tilt your head. Denilson and Song as DMs and three attacking midfielders are a potent combo. It's going to be really disappointing if we're going to have to start again next season.

Crap.

Socks And Jocks

"Ive said it before, Only 1 person can take the blame for this circus at Arsenal and that is Mr Burns aka Wenger who was toothless in the transfer market in the summer. This is what you get for being so fcking tight, You only have yourself to blame Wenger."

- Attila, from the Gooner Forum.

I'm back in Istanbul, and I'm staying in the same hostel that I did when I first arrived. I'm even in the same room, and only two beds along from the one I slept in before. It's quite odd. They say you should never go back, and I'm starting to realise it applies to hostels as well. Everyone I knew from two weeks ago has left. The rooftop bar's been closed for winter. And the new people are, well, new. 

It's a shock to realise just how transient your experiences really are.

I suppose I should say something about the Villa game. I've been avoiding it because there isn't anything new to say. It's all pretty obvious. We played crap and deserved to lose. If we play like that again, we're not going to qualify for the Champions League next season. We need reinforcements in January because our current players aren't good enough. And if we don't get those players, Cesc Fabregas will leave at the end of the season.

It's all been said before, and I'm sick of saying it again.

I spent today exploring the streets between the Grand Bazaar and the Spice Bazaar. It's quite an interesting area. It's a maze of shops and malls and little side-alleys. You can buy virtually everything in there - baby turtles, Turkish Delight, cameras, power drills, designer clothes, weapons.... but I ended up just buying a bunch of socks and boxer shorts. It's tempting to buy something touristy, like a hand-woven carpet, but I've a limited budget and I'm running out of the essentials. I'm sick of wearing the same pair of underwear for days on end. 

And there's a lesson in that for Arsenal, maybe. It's exciting to consider the potential of our kids, and it's probably incredibly fun to try and unearth the next Zidane or Pele, but what we really need right now is a solid defensive midfielder and a gusty central defender. We've been shopping for the future for so long that we've run out of underwear. I know it's tempting to continue buying those baby turtles and 1 YTL lottery tickets, but we're hopelessly exposed at the moment, and we live in terror of our next de-pantsing. 

Time to buy some socks and jocks, Arsene. 

The Scream

 In times when every one of us wonders what the bankers and politicians are doing with our money, there has to be an escape in life. A night at soccer's opera can only provide that outlet if the intention is to entertain us, and not merely to win, win, win.

- Rob Hughes, waxing lyrical about the Arsenal

I feel like shit. 

I've stuffy nose, a head full of straw and a rapidly diminishing wad of cash. I've got a train out of Oslo tomorrow night, and I'm not sure what I'll do once I'm in Trondheim. I wanted to go to Tromso, but the train's full, the buses don't run that far, and I can't be bothered. It's a pity, because seeing big shiny lights in the sky was the principle reason for visiting Norway. 

Seeing shiny things light up the night sky is something most people find entertaining. 60,000 Londoners experienced something akin to the Northern Lights the other night. And today, a host of reporters have been tripping over their fingers trying to emulate Arsenal's on-field eloquence. A host of gooners are probably doing the same in various blogs around the world. 

I'm not going to. Like Wenger, I'm physically sick. But unlike Wenger, it'll take a bit more than a 4-0 drubbing to soothe my feverish brow. 

It exasperates me that this win will only serve to paper-over the flaws in our side. Yeah, we played well. Yeah, we scored a lot. But we were shaky in defence, and we've resolved nothing. In six games time, we'll drop a winnable game, and we'll be back where we started from. 

It shits me off. 

It shits me off like the felafel I had last night. It shits me off like this cold that's keeping me in the hotel lobby. It shits me off because we're so close to ruling the Premiership, but we keep avoiding the problems that stop us from becoming great. I saw The Scream today in the National Gallery, and I'm starting to suspect Edvard Munch was an Arsenal supporter. 

Don't get me wrong - I love the Arsenal, and I love Arsene Wenger. I love them because they play a form of football that will never thrive in this world, and yet they continue to play it with utter conviction. They are naked to the world. Their flaws are as much exposed as their talent. They are so close to being an unbeatable side, and yet, they won't compromise their vision. 

I get it, and understand it, and most of the time, I can accept it. It's just... you never like seeing someone you care about suffer. And I care about me quite a bit. 

Wenger's Mission Statement

"It was just a memo."

- Tom Cruise, to the fish, in Jerry Maguire

I'm sure everyone's read the leaked memo Wenger sent to all the players before the Bolton game. If not, it's here from the Guardian. It's a fascinating insight into the inner workings of a professional football side. Evidently, Wenger's much taken with motivational quotes and quasi New-Age movement known as team-ism. 

I've always felt that the great Wenger teams have always displayed exceptional togetherness. The early 00s team was notable in that the players had been together for three years before they emerged from their chrysalis, blinking from the splendour of their beautiful game. Vieira rejected a move to Real Madrid because he didn't want to break up the family. 

It takes time to build a great side. The early 00s side had that time. Coincidentally, the current side has had three years as well. If we're working on the same time frame, we should be buying trophy polish pretty soon. We were very close last year, and if we'd kept the team together, we would be one of the favourites for the title this year. 

But we're not. 

The crucial difference is that this side keeps changing. And it makes me wonder how much togetherness is in this current side. Hleb and Flamini both broke up the "family" without much remorse. Adebayor wanted to go the same way. And even Cesc had his flirtations in the past. When we enter a transfer season now, I'm expecting at least one of our established players agitating for a move. 

Is there a difference in the culture of the two sides? Is the lack of success and the exceptionally thin squad eating at the minds of our players? Or is it that Arsenal's inherent frugality is out-dated in this era of the morally dubious sugar-daddy? Do our players value money and instant success over working for something greater than themselves (i.e the team)?

I don't know. And what really troubles me is the idea that some of our players would just roll their eyes at the memo, screw it up and toss it in the bin. Wenger talks a good game, but how much does teamwork count when Chelsea and the Manchesters are hoovering up all the players in the world? And paying them a lot more than Arsenal can afford?

Maybe Bob Sugar was right - it's not "show friends", it's "show business". 

I'm off

I'm in the sky tonight
There I can keep by your side
Watching the wide world riot
And hiding out
I'll be coming home next year

- Foo Fighters, Next Year

I'm leaving tonight. I'm going off to Europe for six months. It's starting to shit me off. I'm starting to realise that it's a really, really long time and it's a lot of money. But still - it's something I've got to do. I'm going to go mad, otherwise. And there's no need to worry.

I haven't planned anything. I've got three nights accommodation in London, and a couple of Arsenal tickets. Picked up a Lonely Planet a couple of months back, and I've been pawing through that. Other than that, I'll make it up as I go. It's useless to plan for something this long. I might as well give up on the illusion of control.

Arsene Wenger's probably got the same idea. It's useless to plan. You can't prevent the accidents when they happen. Agents will sniff around for disenchanted players. Wages and transfer fees will rise. Sepp Blatter will make strange pronouncements about foreign quotas in a response to FIFA political machinations.

All you can really do is make sure the fundamentals are right - good youth players, a thorough scouting network, a recruiting philosophy based on technique and athleticism. And you've got to have belief that this will tide you over during the lean years, and it'll steer you back towards the years of plenty.

There's no need to worry, because you can't do anything about it. Flamini and Hleb left, but the process continues. We're younger and more callow, but that's okay. There's faith that the next crop will come good. Ramsey, Coquelin, Wilshire - these guys are good enough that they'll take over eventually.

Yes, we could buy a monster in centre-half, Akineef in goal, Villa, Silva and Alonso up the park. And yes, we could challenge for titles straightaway. But there'll be problems associated with those moves as well. Players won't adapt to England, they won't fit into the system, they'll plunge the club in debt. Problems will arise no matter what you do.

Best just to go with the flow and trust that it'll turn good eventually. Yes, you can cater for every contingency and plan everything to the last second, but where's the fun in that?

Lies, damned lies and Wengerisms

"I would spend £30m on one player, but I have the quality."

- Arsene Wenger, with the depth-perception of a cyclops.

Like Wenger, there are a few things I'd do, if only I wanted to:

• I would bend iron bars with the power of my mind, but I like them straight.
• I would wear brightly-coloured tights and fight crime, but I get sleepy at night.
• I would find a solution to the impeding Energy War that's going to be fought between Russia, America, the EU and China, but I'm too pre-occupied with Arsenal's lack of depth and with Australia's chances at the Olympics.

In short, there are a lot of things I would do, if only I could.

Wenger can't spend that 30 million pounds. He might have that quality hiding in the reserves, and he might be able to spot an equivalent player for 5 million pounds, but he can't spend that kind of money on one player. Wenger has NEVER spent that much, and he's not about to start.

What Wenger can and should do, though, is to stop lying about it.

Gooners don't care that we don't have the funds. We really don't. We're actually proud that we're punching above our weight. What we can't stand is when we're lied too. It's like telling your eighteen-year-old kid that you could've bought him a Bugatti, but you felt that giving him a battered Datsun was better. Your kid ends up pissed off about the Bugatti when he should be ecstatic about getting a car.

Anyway, here's Wenger counting our Datsuns:

I have [Robin] Van Persie, [Emmanuel] Adebayor, [Nicklas] Bendtner – who I have been patiently building up to be at the level I want him to be. I have Carlos Vela, Eduardo Da Silva."

And here's Wenger telling us why we can't buy a Bugatti:

"I am able to make signings at very high prices but you have to have the cohesion in the way you buy. Man United is in the bracket of £20m-£30m, Chelsea is in the unlimited bracket. We have to be in our bracket, we have to be very shrewd. I have the money available to buy the players but we go into the competition with the target of balancing the budget, which I think every manager should do."

Thing is, I agree with Wenger. I don't want us plunging into debt at such a precipitous moment. We're chugging along nicely in 3rd or 4th, and there's no need to tempt fate. If we delve into the transfer facility, we're not just playing with one or two season's worth of success; we're playing with a 100 years of financial stability. We don't do that. We are Arsenal, we are the Bank of England club.

But I really wish Wenger would treat us with respect.

There's a test given to toddlers measuring EQ (emotional intelligence). You give the kid a lolly and tell them that if they don't eat it while you're out of the room, you'll give them a lot more. Then you step out of the room and watch Arsenal. After cursing the day Adebayor was born, you walk back into the room and see if the kid's been able to withstand temptation.

I think most of us realise that good things will happen if we stay the course. We're not emotional-stunted toddlers who have to eat every tasty thing in their paws. We're not Chelsea supporters. We're gooners. We know that we're going through a bit of pain now to ensure our club will be awesome in the future.

And we'll endure it because we love the club. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love will wait forever and a day because nothing else matters.

P.S. This isn't to say that we don't need an experienced midfielder. Shit, we need one like a mad dog needs a bullet in the head on a lazy Alabama afternoon.