Arsenal 3-0 Portsmouth

"We dominated completely the first half, we were sharp and composed with a great attitude and and our two-nil lead was well deserved. In the second half we struggled for 20 minutes but when we scored the third the game as over."

- Arsene Wenger, chuffed at the win

Beautiful things happen at night. The stars come out and the moon gives everything a silvery sheen. Your senses become heightened and the smell of roses quickens the heart. Possums crawl up power lines and electrocute themselves. And the Arsenal thump Portsmouth 3-0. 

It's one of those games that leave you wondering what could've been. We play great football at the strangest times. Around November, we beat Man Utd 2-1 in the Premier League when our season looked shot, and yet last week we lose insipidly at Old Trafford 0-1 when we're playing for a spot in the Champions League final. We play well against Portsmouth, Middlesborough etc., at the end of the season when we're 4th, while we were dropping those matches earlier in the season when we were still challenging for the title. 

It does your head in. 

Still, a 3-0 win is a 3-0 win, and let's not look a gifthorse in the mouth. It secures 4th place. It increases our unbeaten run in the league. It gives Bendtner his first goals in ever so long. And it boosts our fragile egos and gives us hope for the second leg tie against Utd, which is most important. Despite our fabled "mental strength", we tend to fold like umbrellas on a windy day. 

Let's hope the Arsenal can replicate this form on the Tuesday. And we should seriously consider splicing Arshavin's head and spinal cord to Diaby's body for the game. An Arshaby monster would still be 75% Diaby, so he wouldn't be cup-tied, and we'd have the Owl's brain pulling the strings for the Arsenal. 

In other news, Stan Kroenke's increased his stake in the Arsenal to 28%. He's now the largest shareholder at Arsenal, and in conjunction with Danny Fizsman's share, has the majority share. It's good news, because Kroenke's a serious businessman and in it to make Arsenal successful and wealthy - unlike Peter Hill-Wood, who's only in it for the free champagne and padded seats at the Emirates. 

So even if we do go out of the Champions League on Tuesday, at least we'll have something to look forward to - an Arsenal that's not run by cigar-chomping, embarrassing Etonian toffs who don't have a clue about running a modern football club. And what's gong to happen to Peter Hill-Wood? Well, we don't want his sort here. 

Vieira for Portsmouth?

"He is definitely a player I'd like to bring here if he was available. I will be speaking to Inter manager Jose Mourinho and asking about him. With Patrick you know what you are getting, he is a proven winner and a great character."

- Tony Adams, new Portsmouth manager

It's taken me a while to find a story worth my while, but I think I've found it. Tony Adams, the new Portsmouth manager, wants to buy Patrick Vieira. This is on top of him hiring Martin Keown as coach. Looks like Adams is intent on turning Portsmouth into Arsenal Mark II. 

What I find interesting is that remark about character. Vieira was the last great Arsenal captain and in many ways, was never really replaced. Four years down the track, there's still a Vieira-sized hole in the middle of this Arsenal side. It's not just his skill or his physicality that we miss most - it's the leadership qualities, the sheer presence of the man.

When Wenger gutted the Invincibles and started playing the kids, he didn't just dispose of ageing players. He also dispensed with years and years of inherited dressing room spirit, of tradition, of pride in the shirt and the determination to win any way possible. And we never got that back. 

I've been advocating for a centre-back, a defensive midfielder and a goalkeeper. But even if we bought those players in January, we're still going to be missing that spirit. We're still going to be rudderless when we're up shit creek. Gallas isn't the captain we need, and Cesc isn't ready. 

I'm wondering whether an influx of players will help create the kind spirit we need. Adams wants to bring Vieira to Portsmouth for his character and experience. Do we need someone similar at the Arse? I'm not suggesting we make a bid for Vieira, but maybe we need someone who can drive this team forward. 

Anyway, if Tony Adams gets Vieira, it means Lassie Diarra's on his way out of Portsmouth. He's probably going to end up at Tottenham, but I think we should make a bid for him anyway. You never know how things pan out, and he's a pretty handy player. He's not Flamini, but he'll do the job. 

Alternatively, we could go crazy and buy Lorik Cana. What a nutter. 

Ex-Arsenal Wins The FA Cup

"This is the best moment of my life. I started the game and I won the Cup for Portsmouth. I have felt nothing like this."

Nwankwo Kanu, commenting on the best he's ever had.

Go with me on this one - I need the cheering up, and it's the most we can celebrate for the foreseeable future.

Congratulations to Kanu, Campbell, Lauren (where did he go?) and Diarra for winning the FA Cup. I think it's brilliant that such an Arsenal-dominated side is able to enjoy success. From what I remember, it wasn't a great game, and Cardiff were surprisingly good, but still, it's good that a side outside the Top 4 won it. I think we'd all agree that the worst thing about the Champions League is that power is concentrated in too few clubs.

And it was refreshing to see two clubs that really, really wanted to win it.

If I was being pessimistic, I'd be questioning Wenger's player management. We'd all agree that Lauren, Campbell and Diarra could still have played a part at Arsenal. However, I should make an effort to be positive. So well done.

There is one thing I'd like to expound upon. I notice that at the start of every game, the players come out holding hands with a kid. That's twenty-two kids per game. That happens every game of the season, which is 8360 kids per Premier League season (not counting domestic cups and European competitions). There are four leagues in the England, so that's roughly 33440 kids per FA season.

That's a hell of a lot of kids. Where do they get them from?