Thursday, July 16, 2009

An Adebayor's Tale

It's been a frantic couple of days for Adebayor watchers. Reports have been flying in, and it's hard to work out what's happening. It's even harder to believe most of it is probably real.

This is what I understand:

Man City offered Arsenal £25 million for Adebayor. Ivan Gazidis accepted, and then apologised profusely for literally biting Mark Hughes' hand off.

"I didn't realise it was a figure of speech," a shocked Gazidis told the press. "Honestly, Man City offered £25m for Ade, and my mind went blank. Just think about it - £25m. I was expecting £10m, £15m tops. Who pays that kind of money anymore? Hell, I'm taking the rest of the summer off and going to Disneyland!"

The deal looked to be in jeopardy hampered as Hughes was rushed to hospital, but was later completed when Hughes signed the agreement with his mouth.

"I'm not letting Adebayor go," Hughes said tersely. "First Kaka, then Eto'o, now Ade-fucking-bayor? If he rejects us as well, we'll be the laughing stock of the Premier League... eh, even more so."

Adebayor then received a work permit to play for Man City. An inside source said that while he might have failed the exceptional talent criteria on the football pitch last season, he more than made up for it with his snazzy fashion sense and dance moves.

"I can't wait to see him on the dance-floor," gushed Artie the Man City tea-lady. "Can you imagine him and Robinho hitting the town next season? It'll be like the Hacienda days again!"

However, Adebayor then had second-thoughts. He realised that signing a £150,000 a week contract with Man City might look a bit mercenary to his fans back in Togo. He understands that the media can twist a guy's words, after all, and he was worried that his eagerness about joining the Man City revolution might be construed as an act of money-grubbing greed. And as we all know, he's not the mercenary sort.

"There's more to life than just money," Adebayor mused. "I wouldn't leave Arsenal purely for money. I also want all the stuff you can buy with money."

After he thought through the implications of the move, he decided the best way to retain everyone's good opinion was to get his agent to hawk him out to Man Utd for £170,000 a week.

"I thought they'd buy him," Adebayor's agent explained sheeplishly. "I mean, we bought Silvestre last year, so Ferugson owes Arsenal big time. And if they're desperate enough to buy Owen, they're worth a shot, right?"

And back at Arsenal, our proposal to buy Marouane Chamakh has hit a snag - Bordeaux has insisted that we throw Silvestre in the deal as well. I'm worried about this one. Transfer window closes in two weeks - I hope we can stop laughing in time to accept that bid.

Honestly, if it weren't on the internet, I would've thought that this was all made-up.

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