Werder nobody signs for Arsenal

"As leftfield signings go, this has the potential to be Wenger's greatest coup yet, on the proviso that Bischoff turns out to be as good as the Arsenal manager hopes he is."

- Sam Wallace, the Independent

Amaury Bischoff looks strikingly similar to an actor who looks like Jim Carrey. I can't remember his name, but I think he does comedies as well. Oh wait, he's that guy from the sitcom "Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place"?

Anyway, Sammy Wallace has nailed it. Bischoff is the result of Wenger believing his own press. Buying promising, highly-rated youngsters (e.g. Reyes, Cesc and Nasri) is getting old. Buying stalled starlets from big, big clubs (e.g. Vieira and Henry) is boring. Buying twenty-something superstars from middling leagues (e.g. Pires and Eduardo) is playing it way too safe.

Instead, he's going for a challenge.

He's going to turn an obscure, half-French, injury-prone, uncapped Portugeezer into the greatest player since Vieira. Forget 3 million for Vieira. Forget 500,000 for Anelka. How about NOTHING for Bischoff? Oh yeah.

Does anyone have any idea how good this guy is? I want to believe. I suspect he's pretty good. Werder were desperate to keep him, Portugal wase livid when he didn't front for the U-20 World Cup, and Wenger, by all accounts, is a pretty good judge of a player's potential.

In other news, Tottenham will pay us 8 million pounds for the honour of having an ex-Arsenal player in their side. Thanks, David Bentley. That'll cover Wenger's transfer expenses for the next decade.

Where do we get our news?

“I think he has done quite well last year for the biggest part of the season and a lot of responsibility has been given to him when it’s wasn’t right.”

- Arsene Wenger, with regards to Willam Gallas' captaincy

I intended this post to be about how Gallas deserves a second chance. Firstly, because he did a pretty good job in the first half of the year. The team played with a resilience and a determination that was missing in the Henry/Silva teams. Secondly, he's got the sort of spiky temperament that can prod our players into playing for something more than aesthetic pleasure. Thirdly, and most importantly, there's no one else. Toure is too self-effacing - he would not be able to cajole great performances out of players. Fabregas is too young - he is a remarkably mature young man, but he still has room to improve as a player and should be focusing purely on his development.

However, I couldn't write about Gallas because I couldn't find the source for this quote. I checked four stories from various internet news sources (goal.com, dailymail, setanta, skysports). Each gave virtually identical news stories, and all attributed the above quote to the dailystar. However, I couldn't find the story at the dailystar. I tried their internal search engine, and no luck.

I'm starting to wonder where this quote came from.

It's not made up. At least four identikit stories refer to this quote, so there's got to be a primary source. However, I still want to verify it. I want to read the original article before I use this quote. Better still, I'd like to read the full interview transcript with Wenger.

After all, you can doctor quotes to say anything.

All the cited stories claim that this quote is proof that Wenger aims to keep Gallas as captain next year. However, that quote, just in isolation, doesn't necessarily suggest that Gallas will be captain. What if Wenger was merely defending Gallas' sulk-in after the Birmingham game? The wording of this snippet is entirely consistent with a defense of a senior player. It does not necessarily imply that Gallas is certain to be captain. What if the next part of the transcript read "Next season, we will spread the load out amongst our senior players"? That would change the meaning of the quote completely.

It's enough to make my head spin.

All in all, I'm a pretty lazy guy. What I read on the internet, I tend to believe. I treat wikipedia as a reliable source of information. I treat newsnow as a reliable source of gossip. If I see a quote from a player, I tend to believe it's real. If I see a denial by said player, I tend to believe that the denial is real, as well. I have faith that journalists tell the truth.

But it does make me wonder.

Where do we get our news?

Did he say "no", or "not yet"?

“I have not spoken to any media, so it's frustrating to read quotes that I have supposedly said about my future. I have spent the summer relaxing with my family, friends and girlfriend. I think that some people are just trying to make mischief, but my intentions are clear. I am happy here at Arsenal and the priority is to achieve success and win trophies at Arsenal.”

- Cesc Fabregas, deliberating on whether "no" means "no"

This is the picture I have in my head.

There's this car parked outside London Colney. The windows are fogged up and the chassis' rocking slightly to the movement of licentious love. Inside, sit our two protagonists. Ramon Calderon's all sweaty with carnal inflammation. His greasy paws are groping our sweet young thing. Cesc's of two minds - he'd like to be faithful to Arsene Wenger, but he knows that Ramon can show him a world he's never known. Cesc's equivocating. Cesc's flustered. Should he keep his virtue intact and stay faithful with the Arse, or should he succumb to the wanton charms of his swarthy Spanish suitor?

What's a starlet to do?

In courtrooms all over the world, this scenario's been played out countless times. And it basically comes down to this - does "no" mean "no", or does it mean "not yet"? It's difficult to adjudicate. Firstly, because there's no impartial witness to the event, and secondly, because it's such an emotional thing. If you wanted to legislate, you'd have to say that no means no, but really, it's a case by case thing.

I liken the Cesc-Arsenal-Real Madrid-Barcelona love quadrangle to Wuthering Heights. Cathy's been pretty solid with her beau, but she's quite taken with the reappearance of the dashing, brutish Heathcliff. Cathy's torn between her duty to what's-his-face and the memories of her first great love.

I'm not sure where Real Madrid fits into this, but I'm sure we'd all prefer Cesc returns to the heaving bosom of Barca's ample embrace, rather that enjoy the fetid, squalid charms of Real Madrid's Bernabeu. At least that way, we can wander those lonely, desolate Pennine moors and weep sweet Cescy tears with a certain romantic gusto. After all, we'd know he left us out of love, and not for money.

So don't do it, Cesc. Resist Calderon's charms. Save yourself for Barcelona.

Should I support Real Madrid?

“I didn't tell Ramon Calderon no, I told him that now wasn’t the time to go to Madrid. That you are wanted by Madrid, one of the biggest teams in history, is important. To be four seasons without winning any titles would be too much for me. Real Madrid are the favourites to win La Liga this year."

- Cesc Fabregas, one of our more loyal players

Ramon Calderon talks to me as well. He wants me to quit supporting Arsenal and start supporting Real Madrid. He tells me that Madrid will win La Liga this year, that they'll sign Ronaldo and that everything's going to go well. He's even going to throw in a Robinho shirt if I switch.

Some days, I'm tempted by his weasel words. It would be nice to be part of a club that wins things. Say what you will about glory-hunting, bandwagon jumping, prawn-sandwich munching plastic supporters, they do have better parties. And it's very frustrating waiting for a future that doesn't look like eventuating.

It's difficult to keep the faith when last year's team, the one that came so close, is dissolving like a dandelion in a strong puff of wind. If Hleb, Flamini and Adebayor don't share the faith, why should I? You're only a supporter for 30, 40 years, and you need to make it count. Why wait for success when you can enjoy it every year at a big, big club like Real Madrid?

I reason I support Arsenal is Arsene Wenger. I love Arsene Wenger. He's a brilliant manager and he's got a side that plays sublime football. I don't want to betray his confidence. It'll kill him if I left Arsenal and joined the skanky ho brigade. First Vieira, then Henry, then Cesc, and now me? I don't think he could take that much betrayal.

Still, I hope we win something next year. Like Cesc says, four years is a long time without winning any titles. Come on Wenger, it's up to you to make us happy.

Don't go to Chelsea, Kaka

'Kaká's contract gives him €9million in its first season and rises by a million euros for each of its five years... to better that, Chelsea will have to begin at more than £200,000 a week.'

- a Milan source, talking to Observer Sport

I've got some spare time, and it's a Sunday, so I've got fundamentalist Christianity on my mind. You wouldn't think it has much to do with football, but then, you wouldn't think a guy who wears his faith on his T-shirt would consider working for immoral people, either. I'm talking, of course, about Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite (a.k.a Kaka).

Don't get me wrong, I really admire Kaka. He seems like a genuinely nice man, with a sincere faith and an amiable disposition. Unlike some of his contemporaries, fame and success haven't tuned him into a jerk. Actually, he's probably the only elite footballer in the world who wouldn't look out of place with a halo around his head.

Sanctity is a delicate thing, though.

I'm thinking about Kaka's move to Chelsea. I'm presuming something's afoot; there's a bit too much whispering for to just be a rumour. This article claims that, if he moves to Chelsea, he "is likely to become the first £1m-a-month footballer".

I'm with a lot of people who believe that Chelsea's money is blood money. Russian resources were stolen from the Russian people by a bunch of well-placed crooks and sycophants during post-Soviet deregulation. It's not to say that the oligarchs weren't smart nor hard-working, but they did gain control through a series of dodgy deals. Abramovich has himself admitted to having paid billions of dollars for political favours and protection fees to obtain a big share of Russia's oil and aluminium assets (The Times, 05/07/08).

Where does Kaka fit into this?

Well, Abramovich used his money to turn Chelsea into his personal Football Manager game. Kaka is, potentially, the new "big, big signing". And ultimately, Kaka's wages will come from Abramovich. I don't dispute that Kaka's entitled to seek out the highest rate of remuneration, and I don't dispute that he'd be worth £250,000 a week. After all, he is the best player in the world. I'm not even going to argue that earning that kind of money is obscene, because I imagine Kaka does a lot more good with his millions than I ever will with my paltry thousands.

It's just that I hope Kaka takes a moment before he signs with Chelsea. I hope he thinks about where his money's coming from. I hope he asks himself whether he's willing to accept money from a tainted source, and whether his sense of righteousness is worth another lazy million in the bank. I really hope he does.

You cannot serve both God and Mammon.

Myles Wrote A Good Article!

"Unfortunately, Hill-Wood's attitude is : We are Arsenal, we have more integrity than other clubs, we've never renegotiated a contract with anybody in our history. That policy is old-fashioned, snobbish, and self-defeating. It's complete bollocks. Arsenal is a modern business like any other. And that's why they need a worldly CEO with some balls, rather than an administrator like Ken Friar."

- Myles Palmer, Arsenal News Review

I'm spending most of my time reviewing other Arsenal blogs. I really should rename this site "Fucking-Arsenal-Blogs", at least during the off-season. Observing how gooners react to Arsenal news is much more interesting than Arsenal news itself.

Myles Palmer has written a couple of really good posts lately, entitled "Arsenal: the big picture", about the finances behind the rather bizarre antics of this off-season. I don't presume to understand the credit crunch, or London property prices, or how a jittery financial market affects our 260 million pound loan. But it is interesting to read about it.

The above quote comes from the assertion that we're being shafted by our Emirates shirt deal. We're getting 6 million a year, compared to 14 million by Man Utd from AIG and 16 million by Chelsea from Samsung. We've got an shirt deal with an equivalent monetary value as Ajax's.

Moreover, we've negotiated a bunch of deals with a bunch of companies to finance our stadium deal. We've been shafted in the long-run, but we got the money upfront. And we're paying for it now because of the housing slump, because of the finanical meltdown, because Highbury Flats won't sell and we've got to put every pound we earn from the stadium back into the loan.

Problem is, we're being run by an idiot. Peter Hill-Wood is an idiot. There's no beating around the bush on this one. He's the scion of some very talented people, and he's got by on his connections, his wealth and his name. And he's the figurehead of a club that could become the biggest in England, but which is languishing behind Man Utd and Liverpool in terms of global reach, and which is being hunted down by a hungry, ruthless Chelsea. Isn't it weird that, for a supposedly big club, our three super-stores are all located in London?

We need Stan Kroenke. Not for his wealth, not for his connections, but for his business skills.

An expensive packet of crisps

"But I have been disillusioned with football for a long time. I kept my sanity by pumping millions of pounds into my academy, feeling the saving grace of my club was finding players who would be chomping at the bit and honoured to play in the first team. But that's been taken away from me as well. Bostock was one of the best players my academy has produced in the last 10 years - and he has been sold for a packet of crisps."

- Simon Jordan, Crystal Palace chairman

This quote from Simon Jordan is with regards to recent transfers from Crystal Palace, notably John Bostock to Tottenham for 700,000 pounds. That's the fee that was set by the football league transfer tribunal. It's pretty high considering Bostock's just a sixteen year old kid, but it's pretty low if you believe he's one of the most highly sought-after kids in England.

Whatever the case, it's patently more than a packet of crisps.

Now, according to reports, we're after another one of Jordan's lads - a young dreadlocked chap by the name of Vincent Moses. Now, I don't know anything about him other than he looks a bit like Edgar Davids, but we're going to bid one million pounds for him; low considering Moses' potential, but high considering he's still just a kid.

I've always been a bit uneasy about how we poach kids from the academies of other clubs. I realise it's all within the letter of the law. I also realise that the kids have a right to choose which club they sign professional terms with. I just feel for the home club (especially if they're a small club) when they've nurtured a kid for all those years only to have him poached as soon as he's ready for first-team action. Especially, if they're given a pittance in return.

A few days ago, Wenger was calling the presidents of Real Madrid, Barca and Milan a bunch of dirty skanky hos, because they unsettle players and pinch them off other clubs. Most gooner websites applauded this, and said that Arsenal are classy enough never to stoop to such levels. I'm not so sure.

Maybe we're just sneaky in other ways.

I'm not sure what the solution is. I really don't. Obviously, Arsenal are taking a big punt on these kids. There's no guarantee that they'll turn into stars. We pay the club a (relatively) large amount of money for them. In return, we're gambling on the fact that the kid will fulfill their potential. So, it's not to say we're stealing these kids away - we are compensating them to the letter of the law.

It's just that something about this youth policy makes my stomach turn.