van der Vaart is trash-talking Arsenal

"Arsenal have a great team also, a lot of great young players. But I think our squad is not worse than Arsenal's so I think we have a good chance to win against them. And not only win the game against them but also, over the whole season, we can aspire to beat them.”

- Rafael van der Vaart, dissing the Arsenal before he’s even played for Tottenham

The above is an example of a dumb footballer quote.

Somewhere in the nether-regions of cyberspace, there’s got to a website dedicated to stupid things said by footballers. A lot of footballers say a lot of stupid things. Actually, a lot of people say a lot of stupid things. It’s not surprising - if you stick a microphone in front of anyone, chances are you’ll catch a nugget of gold at least once a week. For every Barack Obama, there’s always a George W. Bush.

It makes me feel sorry for van der Vaart. Here’s a guy who’s played for Ajax, Hamburg and Real Madrid. He’s been dumped at Tottenham, and before he’s played a single game for them, he’s been pushed out in front of the media and told to make a disparaging remark about the Arsenal. He’s got no idea what he’s talking about. He’s probably heard a lot about the Arsenal from van Persie, and he knows that we’ve got a squad of highly promising youngsters. And he knows Tottenham wear white and... well, that’s probably it, actually.

So van der Vaart is pushed out in front of a media throng, eyes blinded by flash-photography, and made to tell the world that Tottenham are just as good as the Arsenal. I’m a bit angry about it, actually. van der Vaart is feeling a bit insecure about his place at the club, and he’s prompted by PR people that the best way to ingratiate himself with the Spuds is to diss the Arsenal. It’s a cynical exercise by the Spuds, and designed to exploit van der Vaart’s naiveness. It’s a remark designed to rally the troops, stir up the opposition (us), make the Spuds feel like big men... but the only long-term effect is that it’s going to make van der Vaart look a bit foolish in twelve months’ time.

Dissing the local rival is a time-honoured initiation for new players. But there are better ways to ingratiate yourself with fans. There are smarter ways, classier ways, and funnier ways. Two in recently memory involve Arsenal players dissing Tottenham: firstly, Arshavin saying “Pavlyuchenko is not my friend"; and secondly, Vela saying that he’s pleased for dos Santos for joining Tottenham, but that after he establishes himself, he should “then move on to a better team”.

Now, I’m not trying to say that Tottenham lack the intelligence and class of the Arsenal, but you know, if all the evidence points that way...

So on the 227th last day of my 20s, I did my tax, picked up my passport, and lost a little bit of my sanity. The GOMD flew out sometime in the morning, and she’s been on my mind the whole day. I keep seeing her face everywhere I go. I keep wishing I could’ve said something more. It reminds me of the Freedy Johnston song, Bad Reputation:

Suddenly I’m down in Harold’s Square

Looking in the crowd, your face is everywhere

Just turning around

Do you want me now?

Do you want me now?

The Arsenal Medical Team has it in for our players

"Arsenal's medical team will today assess the extent of the ankle injury Theo Walcott picked up during England's 3-1 win over Switzerland in Basle."

- the Guardian, reporting about Theo’s rolled ankle

Theo Walcott rolled his ankle when England played Switzerland last night. He’s going to be taken to the Arsenal Medical Team to be assessed. The consensus seems to be that it’s a two week lay-off. However, that’s before the Arsenal Medical Team get their hands on him...

I’m beginning to suspect that the Arsenal Medical Team are suffering from some weird sort of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome. Our medical team must be doing something to sabotage our players. There’s no other explanation for the serial mis-diagnoses, ineffective treatment, poor rehabilitation and recurring injuries. There’s no other way that Gallas could’ve been out for four months for a hamstring tear. There’s no other way that van Persie can keep getting the same sort of injuries for the past five years and not have any sort of treatment (other than have his wisdom teeth removed) to strengthen his legs or protect his body. And there’s no way that Theo Walcott would need two weeks or more to recover from a rolled ankle.

Then again, I suppose two weeks isn’t that bad. Knowing the history of the Arsenal medical team, it could very well be something that stretches off into the new year. And that’ll be a real shame, because Theo’s just beginning to come good.

In related new, Robin van Persie will be out until October. With Walcott out, and Bendtner out, it’s down to Chamakh to lead the line. Turns out out nicely-padded squad on paper is paper-thin in real life. Isn’t it interesting that the players who have been with us most (i.e. the ones with the most contact with the Arsenal Medical Team) are the ones who are the most injury-prone? van Persie’s been with us since he was 21. Bendy and Theo have been with us since their teens. Chamakh has been with us a couple of months. And who’s the only striker left standing?

Someone, please investigate the Arsenal Medical Team!

In unrelated news, Rafael van der Vaart is “despondent” that he was taken off during the Netherland’s qualifying game. He has the novel thought that a player who is playing well should be allowed to play out the game. He forgot the rule of thumb when it comes to picking international sides - anyone who plays for Spurs is shite. Sorry Rafa, but you’ve got to get used to it. You’re a talented player and deserve a spot, but this is what happens when you become a Spud.

So on the 229th last day of my 20s, I had dinner with a mate. I’d invited the GOMD to come along as a way of sending her off before her trip, but... she was busy. This time around, I think she was genuinely busy, but I don’t know. I’m getting to the point where it doesn’t really matter one way or another. But the restaurant’s on a hill, with a view of the city. And I spent most of the night looking out at the city, wondering if I could see her in her office building if I squinted hard enough. And when we left, I glanced back at the city and wondered if she was still slaving away at 9:30pm, or whether she’d given up and had taken the train home. She’s apt to very long workdays, is the GOMD.