On Arshavin and Ben Arfa

"I want to win the Champions League. [When I retire] I want to be remembered as a small Russian guy who did some magic things where people did not understand how he did it."

- Andrei Arshavin, a magician

Andrei Arshavin wants a lot of things. He wants to be a magician. He wants to be remembered as a small Russian guy. And he also wants to win the Champions League. The first is plausible. The second is probable. And the third? If he achieves that with the Arsenal, he'll definitely be remembered as a small Russian guy who does magic things.

It's difficult for Arshavin because he's being played out of position. We should really play him as a withdrawn striker behind the centre-forward, and make him the focal point of our attack. We should keep Cesc level with Song, and give Cesc the Xavi role. We should play van Persie and Walcott on the flanks, and we should have Chamkah as our centre-forward. As for Nasri, Diaby, Denilson, Rosicky, Wilshere and Eboue, we should bench them and only give them games when they show that they can (a) keep fit, and (b) work like hell during matches.

Arshavin has aspirations to do magic. Let's give him the stage to pull rabbits out of his hat.

As a aside, The First Post is linking us with Hatem Ben Arfa, with a bid of £12m being mooted. It's a signing that would kill Jack Wilshere, but I've got to admit that it's a bit tasty. I have a soft spot for fragile, attacking French play-makers. There's a certain je ne sais quoi about them. Like Nasri, who has bundles of talent but no consistency. Or Diaby, who has all the physical attributes of a great midfielder, but none of the application. These guys frustrate with their potential, but they've got so much potential that they hook you in and make you keep faith with them.

My favourite Championship Manager side has a five-man midfield of Ben Arfa, Wilshere, Fabregas and Nasri as the four inter-changing, creative attacking players, and Sankhare as the defensive anchor. It was amazing - my side played like Barcelona, but with French players in Arsenal colours. At times, it was as beautiful as watching youTube highlights from our Invincible season. And if we sign Ben Arfa, we're going to field 80% of my Championship Manager midfield. That side won over ten leagues and ten Champions Leagues in a row, was unbeaten for three years, and made a profit from transfer signings every year. Is it possible that with 80% of my CM midfield, we'll have 80% of my CM success?

I hope so.

Then again, it'll be a weird transfer if it happens. I'm not sure where we could play Ben Arfa. He's a winger / withdrawn striker type of player. He'll be competing with Cesc, Nasri, Rosicky and Arshavin for the same position. If we're buying him as cover for Frimpong, it'll be a strange, strange deal. Unless we're buying him so we can convert him into a goalkeeper....

So on the 243rd last day of my 20s, I went to work, had my hair styled, had dinner with a friend and got a couch and a bedside table. I've got a spiky, twisted kind of hair style at the moment, held together with a combination of wax and gel. It's quite a feat of engineering. I'm not sure about it. The friend who did it for me is quite impressed by her handiwork, but other people shrug their shoulders and say it's alright, but it was alright before as well. I thinking I should think less about my hair.

Lachter Wants Arshavin Out of Arsenal

"You shouldn't be prostituting yourself or changing you mind because you don't like what is happening today."

- Dennis Lachter, a pot calling a kettle black

Dennis Lachter is the king of football agents. He will lie, cheat and steal to get his player from Club A to Club B. And a year later, he will lie again, cheat again and steal again in order to get extract that player from the Club B to Club C. About a year ago during the Zenit to Arsenal transfer, we saw a true master of the Machiavellian arts at work. And after Arshavin said that playing for Barcelona would be the pinnacle of his career, it looks like we're seeing the opening salvos of the next campaign.

It'll be a shame to lose Arshavin over the summer, but it's a real pleasure to see Dennis Lachter at work. Here's what he said:

"The main thing about Arsenal is not Andrey, Fabregas or van Persie. What happens to them depends on what happens to Mr Wenger. Arsenal today is 95 per cent Arsene Wenger. The influence and charisma of Mr Wenger to Arsenal fans, the manager and the Arsenal family is huge."

Here, Lachter claims that responsibility for Arshavin leaving Arsenal belongs to Arsene Wenger. Wenger has such a large influence on the club that he alone decides whether a player stays or leaves. By inference, if Arshavin agitates for a move this summer, it's Wenger's fault. Arshavin is not responsible for his own actions.

"But he is 61 years old in October and you could read clearly in Mr Wenger's face how disappointed he was that they haven't won anything his season."

Arshavin is absolved of blame for wanting to leave Arsenal because even Wenger is upset at Arsenal's poor close to the season. Lachter also slips a reference to Wenger's age, thus subtly reminding us that time is running out, and the Wenger days must surely end one day.

"I know Andrey is never thinking twice before opening his mouth, but by the rules of democracy, anybody can say whatever they want and there is some kind of disappointment (from Andrey) because of his injuries and frustration at the results of the club this season."

Here, Lachter is using the repetition of the word "disappointment" to encourage players to associate Arshavin with Wenger. Since they are both "disappointed" at the season's results, we're encouraged to think they both are "disappointed" in the same way. We are accepting of Wenger's disappointment because we know Wenger truly loves the club and does his best to ensure our long-term success, and we're encouraged to think that Arshavin does likewise.

Moreover, there's the subtle criticism that Arshavin's discontent is the club's fault. It is NOT that Arshavin wants to move for a bigger pay-check or to a more glamour club. It's because Arsenal do not have the results to satisfy Arshavin's needs.

So which club DOES have the results that attract Arshavin?

"It is not a secret for anybody that he has a big respect for Barcelona and it's not a secret for anybody that I agreed the move from Zenit to Barcelona for 15 million euros six months before his move to Arsenal. I know Andrey would like to play there but he is a player for Arsenal."

Here, Lachter is subtly letting us know that Arsenal was lucky to sign Arshavin in the first place, since the club he really wanted to go to was Barcelona. That deal was so far advanced that a deal had been put in place 6 months before his move to Arsenal. Therefore, Arsenal have no right to demand him to stay. We've had him for a year, when by rights he should be at Barcelona.

There's nothing really over-the-top about this, but it's just an opening salvo. It sets the scene for the campaign to come. So far, Lachter has established that:

1. Wenger is ultimately responsible for Arshavin's transfer to Barcelona

2. Like Wenger, Arshavin is disappointed with the results this season

3. Like Wenger, Arshavin is running out of time

4. Arshavin has always wanted Barcelona, and had a contract with them once

5. Arsenal should be grateful for the time we've had with Arshavin

It's a solid platform from which Lachter can launch his persuasive pyrotechnics. I'm interested about Wenger's potential new signings, but I'm more eager to see Lachter's performance in the off-season. It's going to be special.

So on the 360th last day of my 20s, I went to work and asked my mate about the girl of my dreams. I've asked about her before, and he's still puzzled why I fancy her. He's married to her sister, though, so I suppose his predilections run in another direction. I realise I'm writing about her excessively, but in my defence, I'm thinking about her excessively as well. Besides, it may help my 40 year old self to know just how angst-ridden I could be in my 20s.

I'm watching Poh's Kitchen at the moment. She's cooking at Margaret River, and it's a lovely looking place. I'm kind of regretful I didn't take a trip down the coast when I was in Perth. There was an offer from a hostel down there for free accommodation in exchange for cleaning the loos. It's exactly the kind of thing a man in his 20s would do.

364 days of my 20s left....

"You realise it's the last year of your 20s? When you turn 30, you start to have to grow up."

- Siew Yee, scaring the shit out of me on my 29th birthday

I'm paraphrasing. Truth be told, I can't remember what she said on Friday. All I can remember from that conversation was the wave of cold horror sinking down my spine as I realised she was right. My 20s are nearly over. In 364 days' time, an unspent lifetime of misspent youth will have to be quietly folded up and stowed away - not to be touched until I'm in my 40s and able to indulge in a bad mid-life crisis.

I'm 29, and life is rushing past me.

I'm 29, and I'm about the same age as Tomas Rosicky and Andrei Arshavin. I'm a couple years older than Robin van Persie and Bakary Sagna. I'm about three years older than Emmanuel Eboue. I'm saying this is illustrate that there's a whole generation of Arsenal players slowly creeping towards their 30s, with nothing to show for their time at this club. This team of ours, which we see as young, naive and immature, has as spine made up of guys who are at the peak of their careers. They've all spent years marking time at the Arsenal, waiting for the chemistry to be right for success. And what do they have to show for it?

In ten years' time, when these guys are long retired and sleeping on top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies, I wonder if they'll regret not spending their 20s at a club that's aggressively pursing trophies? I wonder if at 40, they'll join a veterans' league and try to win those titles that eluded them in their 20s. There comes a time when money and material stuff can't drown out that nagging disappointment that you've never had the guts to try and be all that you can be.

It's already cheesing a few of our players off. Andrei Arshavin's in the press every other day agitating for better players. Arshavin realises that without a major European trophy, he'll never be considered in the elite bracket. Interestingly, Robin van Persie loves the club and he'll probably resolved to spend the rest of his career with us. He's decided he belongs at the Arsenal, and come what may, he'll stay. So what if he's never going to win a major European league title? At least he'll always be known as an Arsenal legend.

I admire van Persie's stance, but admit I feel a bit like Arshavin sometimes. There's a part of me which wants to act out. There's 364 days left to pack in as much reckless, stupid 20-something behaviour as possible. But I doubt I will. There's a time and a place for that kind of stuff, and it's called backpacking through Europe. I've had my chance to relive my youth, and maybe it is time to put it aside and just let go. As St Paul once said, "when I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

I thought I should try and document every day of the last year of my 20s. My reasoning is that an accurate account of my 29th year will help stave off a mid-life crisis. In the future, whenever I get the urge to get a comb-over and buy a Harley, I can look up this year's posts and realise that: my 20s truly sucked; I'm better off in my 40s; and there's no need to go back and try to relive my youth.

So on the 364th last day of my 20s, I woke up, went to work in the morning, had lunch and spent ten minutes trying to wedge a prawn-shell out of the space between my teeth, took a nap, and had dinner. I'm probably going to spend the rest of the night reading theology.

Way to burn out my 20s, hey?

Arshavin's Problem

This post goes off on a couple of tangents, so please bear with me.

We're 3rd and our season's fizzling out. We're playing Campbell and Silvestre in defence, and Fabianksi in goal. We've got 3 more games to go, and for the rest of this season I'll be watching the Arsenal with a certain grotesque fascination. Watching the Arsenal is like slowing down on the road to witness the aftermath of a car accident. You know it's wrong, and it'll make you feel sick, but you just want to see it unfold.

Arshavin doesn't share my taste for the macabre. Instead of revelling in the horror of it all, he's calling for changes:

"We had hoped for more, so we can't be satisfied with third. I can only say that next season we must try to solve this problem. It exists, so therefore something must be done."

There's a certain philosophical bent to this statement that I find interesting. It (the problem) exists, so therefore something (a solution) must be done about it. Arshavin's been out injured for a while, so he's obviously thought hard about it. Arshavin's Problem states that we're hoping for more than third place, and we're not going to achieve it. However, there are two possible interpretations of this problem; either we're hoping for too much and should scale down our expectations for this team; or, we've under-performed this season and we should do whatever is needed to make ourselves competitive for the title.

Over the past few years in the Arsenal blogosphere, fans having be coalescing into two distinct camps of optimists (who believe we should be happy about a 3rd or 4th place) and pessimists (who believe nothing short of titles can be considered a genuine achievement). The interesting thing is that Arshavin's Problem sums up the divide between the two camps precisely.

I think a lot of gooners are confused about this situation. Are we able to spend money on experienced recruits? Are there hidden financial restraints on our transfer policy? Is the short-term focus of Arsenal FC to reduce our debt, or is it to challenge for the league? The statements we get from the board and management contradicts our actions in the transfer market, and in the absence of information, speculation grows and confusion reigns.

I don't know the answer. I've been thinking about it for a few years now, and while the money's in the till, it's not being spent. I don't think anyone outside of Arsene FC would know the reason. If I was to hazard a guess, I'd say that Arsenal's on the side of caution - they're happy to cruise along in 3rd or 4th as long as the Champions League spot isn't at risk, and if it is, then they'll spend as much as needed to preserve it. Wenger's still a great manager who can provide a challenge every few years or so, so why bother rocking the boat?

Of course, the answer to that is that it's a bit gutless.

There's a real life application in Arshavin's Problem as well. Is it better to stay content with what you have and play it safe, or do you risk everything you've got in order to get your heart's desire? It brings to mind something Shakepeare wrote once in Julius Caesar:

There is a tide in the affairs of men

Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;

Omitted, all the voyage of their life

Is bound in shallows and in miseries.

I'm saying this because I'm thinking long and hard about Arshavin's Problem. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to figure out what it means for me. Like Arsenal, I'm going to have to figure out whether I should be content with 3rd or 4th, or to take an chance and make a genuine bid for 1st.

For what it's worth, I think Arshavin's in no doubt about Arshavin's Problem. He wants trophies, titles, everlasting glory. He's 28, and at the peak of his powers. He wants to take the flood onto fortune. He doesn't want to be left stranded in the shallows and miseries of regret. From what I'm read about him, he seems like a thoroughly pragmatic fellow. He'll stay with us if we can provide him a genuine shot at success. He'll leave us if we can't.

After all, isn't this the look of a man with destiny in his eye?

Arshavin speaks his mind

Will Andrei Arshavin be the next Arsenal player to leave the club?

He's a brilliant player, one of only two genuinely world-class players at the Arsenal, but he's also under-paid and running out of time. He can earn much, much more in La Liga, and he knows it. He can win many, many more trophies with Barcelona or Real Madrid, and he knows it. He's 28 years old. He's a late bloomer with maybe 4 years left at the top, and I wonder if he wants to spend his peak years gambling on the success of Wenger's youth-squad project.

At the moment, Arshavin's certainly sounding like a man about to jump:

"I am still on the opinion that to win trophies Arsenal needs more players. There is the simple fact that last summer we sold two players and bought only one. So there is an obvious deficit of at least one. Then we lost Van Persie, Gibbs and Ramsey for a long time. So for me it is natural we need new players. Without the variety of players we have less diversity in attack. That allows our opponents to read our combinations more easily. Finally, it results in less ball possession for us and our defence comes under more pressure.

"The Premier League is very interesting, at least as long as we continue fighting to win it. But without new experienced players, real stars, it will be difficult to achieve success. Ideally we need three or four such experienced players and then among our youths there should be guys who are not only good at playing football but have real character."

He's said it a number of times this season, but to say it again at such a crucial time in the league race is an open challenge to Wenger. If we win the league this year (still a possibility) we're all happy chappies again, but if we lose it, we're going to have to bring in new players or Arshavin will walk.

That said, I don't think anything he's said is controversial. We've at the beginning of the end of a youth project. Some youth players have become first-teamers (Song, Clichy, Cesc, Bendy). Others are still developing (Diaby, Denilson). And the new breed are rapidly maturing and will start pushing for places in a couple of seasons time. The multi-million pound question is whether these players, collectively, are good enough to win things for the Arsenal.

Arshavin's taken the pragmatic side in saying no. What's the use of an attractive youth side if they're always going to be too callow to win the big games? Why not stock up with senior players right now, have a real tilt at the title, and let the youngsters compete for playing time? Arshavin's the only player who's taken this side and spoken out, and I really appreciate his honesty. Instead of focussing on our boys becoming men, or sexy football, or our balance sheet, Arshavin's pointing at the trophy cabinet and saying that that's the most important thing.

If Arsenal have the financial means, I think it's their moral duty to mount a legitimate challenge for the league. Arsenal exists to serve its fans, and its fans want success. All fans want success, but not all clubs can provide it. Arsenal are one of four English clubs which can provide success, and onus is upon them to try to achieve. If that means buying Lloris and killing Almunia, so be it. If that means buying Dzeko and killing Bendy, so be it.

But I digress. What I wanted to write about was Arshavin's comment. Funnily enough, he's talking about a deficit in attack. Ask any gooner, and they'd say that our most glaring deficiency is in goalkeeping, followed by lack of depth at centre-back and defensive midfield. In attack, we're missing a power-forward a la Adebayor, but we've managed well enough all season.

But Arshavin thinks that our most pressing need is variety in attack. According to him, we've got too many dinky creative midfielders and not enough fast, tricky wingers or physical centre-forwards. He's talking about building an Arsenal which is so potent in attack that defensive pressure will be eased. I think he wants Arsenal to be like Barcelona with their constant pressing and their terrifyingly fluid forward structure. Barca have a fairly mediocre defence, but they get away with it because of their attack.

It's a dazzling vision, and I think it's very close to Wenger's dream. Barcelona built their dream from the ground up, with Xavi, Iniesta and Messi all being Barca players since very young. It's what Wenger's trying to do with Wilshere, Cesc, Ramsey, Bendy and Walcott. Will it work without an injection of experienced players? Would Messi and Iniesta have gotten where they were without Ronaldinho? How about Xavi without Deco?

I have to say that I agree with Arshavin. Wenger's got a perfect vision of his squad in his mind, but it's hard to see how it'll be built without the scaffolding of a squad of experienced, proven players. Three or four players would do nicely, please, or Arshavin's going to walk.

Fashions at the Emirates

This'll be quick, because I've 10 mins of internet left. 

The Owl is friends with Cesc and Bendy. It makes sense. Arshavin has a degree in high fashion. Bendy has a penchant for pink boots. Cesc likes his puffy parkas. Together, they're the fashionistas of Highbury. We might not win the league next year (actually if you give creedence to Peter Hill-Wood's regular outbursts, that's highly probable), but we'll win the fashion stakes. 

Maybe the English FA should consider awarding premiership points for the most well-groomed football side?

Liverpool 4, Arshavin 4

He's a god, he's an Owl,

he's a man, he's Arshavin
You're one microscopic cog
in his catastrophic scheme
Designed and directed
by his red Arse team...

- a song for Arshavin that'll never take, mostly because it's not an 80s rock anthem. Sung to the tune of Red Right Hand by Nick Cave

)))

Arshavin scored to put us in the lead. Liverpool scored twice to lead after 60 minutes. Arshavin scored again, a ripping 30 yard effort, and Liverpool pegged us back. Arshavin scored once more, and Liverpool equalised at the death. If we keep playing Arshavin, we're in danger of being a one-man team.

But WHAT a one-man team we'd be...

The rest of the lads were patchy.

Silvestre was a liability and should be dropped, even if it means playing without a centre-half. Fabianksi made some great saves and some hilarious errors. I loved the bit early on where he just kept charging at the attackers; at one stage, I thought he'd follow the ball out of the penalty area and into the corner flag. Sagna crossed the ball across the penalty area and cost us the third goal. Gibbs cleared off the line for the second game in a row, was at fault for the third goal, but overall was okay. He's going to be a good player for us.

Song did well, and showed why he's not the butt of jokes at the Arsenal anymore. The boy does good when he wants to, and he wanted to do good today. After his form of recent weeks, you start to wonder if an experienced defensive midfielder is still necessary. Nasri and Cesc flitted in and out. Bendtner was anonymous. Denilson was absent.

But Arshavin plays like a dream, and at about 6:30am in the morning, with the sun coming up and Arshavin punched his left-footed shot through for goal, I thought I was dreaming. We haven't had a player like him since the Invincibles. He's deadly. He's tough. He's the Alec Guiness of football. He's the Arsenal we once were, and the Arsenal we still hope to become.

We're still shite, though. We let the led slip by twice in the last 20 minutes. It's unforgivable. In the last five minutes, when Liverpool threw everything at us, we couldn't get it out. We don't have a midfielder who can hold onto the ball and take the pressure off the defence. We can't defend set-pieces; actually, with our current back five, we can't defend at all. We're aching for Djouoru and Almunia to return. Up against Man Utd next week, I'm pretty worried. Thank God it's an away leg first up - a 4-4 tie at Old Trafford would actually be a GOOD result.

But this isn't a day for whining. This is a day for celebrating the wonder that is Arshavin.

He scores four goals a game and he's small enough to sit on your hand. What a marvel!

Where was Arshavin?

"The season will only be good if we win something. Otherwise, it will be a failure."

- Didier Drogba, spelling out the truth for both Chelsea and Arsenal

We're not going to win the treble. Drogba put paid to that in the 84th minute when he scored Chelsea's second goal, and sent us out of the FA Cup. You can argue that Fabianski made a hideous mistake rushing out to meet Drogba, and it cost us the game. But truthfully, the match was over a long time before then. It was over the minute the team sheet was released, and Arshavin was on the bench. 

Why Arshavin was left on the bench is a bit of a mystery. We need the Owl to play every game he can. He's probably our best player. He's certainly been the most influential player in in the games he's played. And yet, he was rested for the game. 

I only saw the last twenty minutes of the match. We were getting killed all over the park by that stage, but it was still 1-1. And yet, we had Arshavin,  Nasri and Song on the bench while we had Denilson and Diaby on the field. It beggars belief that in the one competition we had a chance of winning, we'd go in with a weakened side. 

After we lost, I spent most of night wondering why Wenger would do that. Came up with a few ideas:

1. He wanted to rest Arshavin: 

Arshavin hasn't had a pre-season and has played almost every game for almost three months now. He's been playing one or two matches a week. He's not conditioned to this much football. He could be a bit tired. He could have a soft tissue injury. He might need a rest for Tuesday. 

2. Wenger wanted to hide Arshavin from Hiddink:

Arshavin might have some secret weakness that Wenger doesn't want the world to know. And if Arshavin has a weakness, Guud Hiddink will know about it. Hiddink wouldn't want the world to know about it either, but if it was a choice between Chelsea winning and losing, he'd take advantage of it. And Wenger would want to protect that weakness, because Arshavin's mystique is the best thing we've got at the moment. 

3. Wenger overlooked Arshavin, literally:

Arshavin is very short. And Wenger is very tall. Maybe Wenger had all the players in the dressing room, looked around but forgot to look down. He couldn't find Arshavin, panicked, saw Diaby (who is also very tall) and picked him instead. It's happened before - Diaby and Song do play a lot more matches than Nasri, Vela and Walcott. 

Whatever the case, we're in a bit of a bind now. The FA Cup was our best chance of winning something this year. And now, we're out of it. And it's okay, really. We've got two games a week for three weeks, against some of the best sides in the world. We're not going to win every match. But still, it's frustrating that we didn't bring out our best side to a game we really should be winning. 

As Drogba put it, a successful season is determined by the trophies you win. 

Back on the Bandwagon

"It's not true, it's just Yellow Pages."

- Andrey Arshavin, BBC Football Focus, rebutting rumors that he flies his hairdresser in from Russia to cut his hair

A 3-0 win to the Arsenal.

Granted, it's only a FA Cup tie, and it's only against Burnley. In the hackneyed words of lazy commentators, we only did what was expected of us. Still, it's a 3-0 win, and after the lethargy of the previous month, we've had two games with scorelines of 3-1 and 3-0 respectively.

We've missed Eduardo. Eduardo had a very good match, and we've missed his nose for goal and his dinkiness in general. In a team of dinky passers, he's probably the dinkiest, and we need him to knit the dinky passes together into something coherent and lethal.

We've also missed Theo Walcott, who returned from injury today. We've missed his pace and his directness. I don't think it's a coincidence that we had our best run of form when he was a fixture on the right wing. He's not quite there yet (he hasn't quite worked out when to pass and when to shoot), but the talent's there and we're a better side with him there. Plus, it's he's such a nice boy.

All in all, I'm thinking it's time to get back on the bandwagon.

I'm watching an online interview of Andrey Arshavin from the BBC right now. Before he came to Arsenal, I had reservations about him. He didn't seem real. After he signed, I was curious about him, like how you sit in a new car for hours and fiddle with the radio. But now, he's played for the Arsenal a feel times and he's lost that new car smell. He's just an Arsenal player now, and I love that. He's an awesome player, and I'm profoundly grateful we've got him.

It's a good interview. He prefers to play as a second striker in a 4-4-2, and as a winger in a 4-3-3. I'm thinking half the squad prefers to play as a second striker, so maybe Wenger's thinking about a tactical change in the summer. He's quite taken by Guus Hiddink as a manager, and thinks the Russian team will implode if he leaves to manage Chelsea full-time.

And despite his protestations about his Russian hairdresser, he does have a suspiciously shorter hairdo than normal. His Russian hairdresser once said that he'll cut Arshavin's hair shorter now, so that he won't have to fly to London so often. If I was a journalist, I'd be sniffing a story here. There's a Pulitzer in the offing.

Sounds like Arshavin's a bit of a fibber.

0-0 to the Arsenal

"It is the story of Arsenal's season. There has not been enough creativity on the pitch. This was their fourth consecutive draw in the Premier League – and the last three have been goalless."

- Amy Lawrence, The Guardian

I'm sick as a Rosicky at the moment, so I slept through last night's match against Sunderland. Anyway, between the coughing, the fevers and the sweating, I doubt I would've had much energy to lambast the Arsenal for another 0-0 draw against opposition we really should be pumelling. I certainly wouldn't have had the energy to boo the team off the pitch.

But I've read the reports, and they're not pretty. It's another 0-0 draw, and we haven't scored in what, three games? Fucking hell. Arshavin's going to be good, but I wonder if he'd been keeping an eye of the Premier League table before he signed with us. We're not exactly winning friends or trophies with these performances.

People say the Owl will save our season, but it's a bit of a long shot. He hadn't played a competitive game since Novemeber and he won't be a match winner until next season. If we're going to dig our way out of this mess, we're going to have to look within. Which means, relying on Denilson, Song and Eboue to get us out of this mess.

Fucking hell.

The Owl Has Landed

"Thank you, I am happy to be in Arsenal. It was my dream."

- Andrei Arshavin, twice voted Russia's "Owliest Player", and now a Gunner

Finally, we've signed Andrei Arshavin. 

It's been over a month since the transfer window opened. A lot of us expected to wrap Arshavin up in the first couple of weeks, and then move on to the next target, and then the next. A creative midfielder was needed, but of greater importance was an experienced defensive midfielder; and a central defender; and a new goalkeeper. Actually, a creative midfielder probably wasn't that high on most people's wish-list. However, in these dire times, any buy's a good buy. 

But in January, we waited. 

I remember walking around Barcelona at the time, trying to liken Arsenal's impeding shopping spree with my own. I needed a new coat; and a new sweater; possibly even a scarf. And anything else that would keep the cold out. In my mind, I envisaged dumping my existing clothes en masse at the Oxfam shop and then stocking up on a whole new set. 

But just as Arsenal dithered over the transfer fee for Arshavin, I dithered over my shopping spree. Everything is so damn expensive in Spain that even the 50% discounts were above my intended price range. I hesitated at clothes that would've kept me toasty, just because the price meant I'd be eating nothing but bread for a week. 

And I kept an eye out on the Arshavin deal. As the transfer window dwindled down, I started getting really pissed off that Arshavin wasn't signed. Zenit were holding out for an extra £2.5 million, and we weren't budging. It didn't make sense to risk losing Arshavin because of such a small figure (it's less than the gate receipts for a home game). 

Finally, the evening before I flew out, during the last few days of the post-Jan sales, I spied a coat, reduced from 99€ to 20€. And I'm reasonably happy with it. It's warm enough to fend off pneumonia, without ever giving me the comfort of being hot. And it's still a bit odd wearing something that doesn't stink of sweat, but I'll get used to it.

There's a moral in there somewhere. I think it's called opportunity-cost. I spent four weeks wandering around Barcelona and Madrid shopping for clothes and freezing my arse off, just to save 50€. And Arsenal spent four weeks dithering over Arshavin just to save £2.5 million. Both of us could've just paid that little bit more and used the time for other pursuits, but neither of us did. 

All to save a couple of fucking bob. 

Wenger's a cunning fox

"Arsene Wenger is a cunning fox. In the morning he says Arshavin will play all the time at his club and during the day he says he doubts the capabilities of Andrei to play three games in a row at the highest level. But this is a tactic to fool the competition. He calls Andrei a Tsar and then tries to deny interest in the player."

- Dennis Lakhter, Zenit St Petersburg official

This must've happened sometime at Zenit St Petersburg:

Dennis Lakhter: Dick, Wenger has a very, very, very cunning plan.

Dick Advocat: Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be professor of cunning at Oxford University, but has moved on, and is now working for the UN at the high commission of international cunning planning?

Dennis Lakhter: Yes, it is.

Dick Advocat: Mm... That's cunning!

I must confess, however, that I haven't seen much of Arshavin. One of the players of the tournament, yes. One of the players regularly shown on SBS, no. All I saw was the rematch of Spain vs Russia(?), and he wasn't particularly effective in that match. But I'm willing to get on the bandwagon and say he'll be a good player for us.

We should buy Arshavin. Awesome player, with a name that's a punning dream.

I remember reading a few days back that the reason Wenger didn't move for Modric was his slight frame. He thought that Modric would be snapped in half by the first English centre-half he meets. And considering our squad of midfield munchkins, it was probably a good thing that Wenger refrained from indulging in another effete, creative playmaker.

Along those lines, you'd think that Arshavin would need someone to protect him, especially if he's another attacking midfielder with a tendency to drift into the middle. Wenger may be a cunning fox with regards to his dealings with the press, but I'm sure there's a fair whack of truth in his comments.

Would Arshavin cut it in the Premier League?

We'll just have to see. One thing good, though - at least he won't whinge in winter that it's too cold. Although, he might pass out with sun stroke during the English "summer".

Ha!