For a second, I seriously considered Buffon for Fabregas

Juventus are going to offer Gianluigi Buffon to us in exchange for Cesc Fabregas. The sad thing is that our goalkeeping situation is that bad that I'd actually consider it for a few seconds. We can make do without Cesc Fabregas in a 4-3-3 (Nasri and Ramsey have to step up, though). We can't make do with another season of Almunia or Fabianksi in goal, though.

It brings to mind other fantastical swap exchanges that might happen. Say, Arshavin for Pedro and Busquets. We lose an enigmatic 29 year-old winger-playmaker-forward, and we gain a couple of young players who can know how to play a 4-3-3. Or maybe Gallas, Nasri and Diaby for Lloris. We get the best young goalkeeper in the world, and they get an injury-crooked defender and a couple of talented, disappointing midfielders.

It's going to be an interesting transfer season. We bought Chamakh on a free. We're losing Gallas on a free. We're bringing in (at most) two more players. One of them will be Gallas' replacement. Which leaves £15m (in transfer and wages) for another player - either a goalkeeper or a defensive utility who can play holding midfield and centre-back. So really, we've only got the funds to strengthen two areas of our team (attack and either goalkeeper or defence). It's looking like a choice between two evils.

So on the 351st last day of my 20, I went shopping for a jacket with my sister-in-law. She's got an effective screening technique - grab a lot of them, head to the dressing room and try them on. It's different from my normal shopping technique, which is to walk around getting steadily more flustered, until I panic and grab something at random. I think her technique's more effective than mine. This time around, I got something that actually fits.

It's 3 hours later, and I must say, it's a damn fine jacket. It has to be the best thing I've bought in a couple of years. I think I'll sleep in it tonight.

Lachter isn't working for Arshavin anymore?

"Denis Lachter has not been representing my interests for a year now, he is not my agent. He does not have any information regarding my prospects and career plans, so his statements about my future endeavors shouldn’t be taken for a fact or paid attention to."

- Andrei Arshavin, from his official website

I've been following the Arshavin to Barcelona story fairly closely so far. I think Dennis Lachter is an evil genius of a football agent, and I admire the sheer amorality of his work. This guy does everything he can to get his client the best deal. And if the above quote is true, he's even willing to do it for his former clients as well.

What a guy!

Ordinarily, I'd see this a pretty firm denial of everything Lachter's said. But then again, this IS Dennis Lachter we're talking about. It's not beyond Lachter to get Arshavin to deny any official link with him, thus allowing Lachter free reign to wreck havoc without any of damage falling onto Arshavin. Actually, it's not beyond Lachter to fake his own death, then declare in his video will that his last wish was for Arsenal to sell Arshavin to Barca.... with Lachter getting a £3m posthumous agent fee.

I'm not sure what's going to happen next. It could be that Lachter goes deep undercover, and won't surface until the World Cup, when we find out that he's sold Pedro to Man City for £100m, and Arshavin's been trialling secretly at Barca. It could be that Lachter starts making even more outlandish comments about Arshavin, Arsenal and Barca. Whatever the case, I'm hooked. It'll be much better viewing than the World Cup.

In other "news", Chamakh acknowledges his pre-contract with us, and admits he's going to be an Arsenal player in 11 days' time. He says:

"I count the days, 11 short days. As time passes, it feels weird. I feel many emotions. I am delighted to join the English football atmosphere, it is something amazing. I love Arsenal's game. I know I will have to adapt but I know the short passing game."

Chamakh's getting quite emotional about moving here. I can sympathise. I've been quite emotional after our recent run of results. I can imagine Chamakh feeling a couple very strong emotions about the thought of joining such a squad next season. Well, he's signed already, so he's not in a position to back out now.

Where is he going to play? Probably up on the right when van Persie's well, and he'll probably move into the centre when van Persie breaks down. He's fast enough, strong enough, holds up the ball and has a good header. He'll do as a centre-forward, and if we can keep the other players interested, hard-working and injury-free, we might do alright next season.

So on the 352nd last day of my 20s, I woke up, had a run, went to work, came home. Not a lot else happened. My shoulder aches, and I'm finding it hard to get it past horizontal. Think lI'll take a shower.

The Guardian wants Arsenal to sign Joe Hart

The Guardian thinks that Wenger thinks that Joe Hart should sign for Arsenal. It's difficult to tell, because the Guardian don't offer any quotes from Wenger, but if it's printed in a national paper, surely it's true? I suppose there's little chance of it happening, since Hart will be needed to cover for Given's injury, but still, it's nice to dream that we'll soon field a 'keeper who isn't either Fawlty or Flappintaski.

I'm not convinced that Joe Hart is the way to go. He's still very young, and has just had his break-thorough year at Birmingham. Next season, he'll have a more difficult run. If he plays for the Arsenal, he'll be stuck behind a kamikaze back four, and a team that doesn't practice set-plays. There is a fair chance that he'll be loaded with unrealistic expectations, and when he fails, he'll be jeered and booed until my throat is hoarse.

It'll be better for him if he stayed at a club which values defending.

I'd like a 'keeper with a bit of experience. Buffon is apparently thinking about leaving Juventus. If he does, I'd like us to buy him. He's probably off his peak, but he'd still be a great 'keeper for us. Or anyone, really, just as long as they'll be able to handle 'keeping in front of a defence that collapses whenever it feels like it.

So on the 353rd last day of my 20s... it wasn't my day at work. Things didn't turn out well. Nothing bad happened, but things were counter-productive. I finally gave up one hour before closing time, shut up shop and finished work. Nothing good was going to come out of that day. Had dinner with my mate and his wife, talked a bit more about her sister. Well, they talked and I whinged. Those two have the patience of saints.

Backburn wins and I don't care

Is there anyone fit for the Arsenal these days?

I got up this morning to look at the Arsenal results, and we lost 1-2 to Blackburn. I was so indifferent I didn't even read the match report. I checked my email and looked at my Facebook instead. It wasn't until the evening that I bothered to check the line-up. After I saw the line-up, I realised that a loss was reasonable, always on the cards, and the result of a simple equation: Fabianski + Silvestre = Fail.

It leaves us having to get a point or more against Fulham to secure third place. It would be squeaky bum-time if 3rd place was a prize worth fighting for. But no one's really worried, especially not Wenger. After the match, our manager said:

"We are playing at home. I don't think we need to worry about what Tottenham or Manchester City do."

I suppose we don't need to worry about what Tottenham or Man City do because 3rd is just as good as 4th. Both give you a Champions League qualifying spot. 4th gives you a potentially tougher draw, but stronger opponents also gives you better gate receipts in the qualifiers. When you're an economic manager, you have to think about such things.

One other thing that an economic manager has to look out for is the health of our returning young players. Håvard Nordtveit, a young man with a promising future as a centre-back, is planning on going rock climbing in the summer. Considering the impending departures of Gallas, Silvestre and Campbell, it might pay to dissuade Håvard from his plans, and carefully wrap him up in five metres of bubble wrap. Because considering the alacrity with which Fate seems to dole out freakish accidents to Arsenal players, it is highly possible that while climbing, Håvard might break a foot / strain a hamstring / run into an English centre-back who's "a good lad without a malicious bone in his body".

Oh well, if he makes it out of the Vats alive, there's a good chance he'll see match-time next season. Let's hope he can step up to the plate.

Anyway, last game of the season is against Fulham. An interesting question: which set of fans would be happier at the end of the season? Arsenal will (probably) finish 3rd and will make a profit. Fulham are battling mid-table, are financially reliant on a sugar-daddy, but have a first-ever Europa Cup final to contend. If you're sober and sensible, you'd say Arsenal. We can look forward to another year of Champions League football and another another of financial prudence and sporadic good form. Fulham, on the other hand, have been struck by a bolt of lightening... and we all know how many times lightening can hit the same place.

Still, how many gooners would trade places with Fulham fans? A legitimate cup run, versus financial prudence and sobriety? I see the sense in desiring safety, but I remember the excitement of the Champion League run in 05-06, and I want another one. As much as Peter Hill-Wood would like us to think, Champions League qualification isn't a "prize in itself" - at least not in a footballistic sense. Football fans get high on the fumes of trophy polish, and we haven't had much of a sniff these past few years.

So on the 354th last day of my 20s, I had a free afternoon because there was a blackout at the clinic and I can't work without electricity. Made it home before the storm started. Played a bit with my baby nephew, who kept crying whenever he looked at me. Tried to make plans with my parents for Mother's Day, found out that they already had plans. Started getting suspicious that they're seeing other people's children on the sly...

The 355th last day of my 20s

"Well we had those disappointing results at Tottenham and Wigan. Unfortunately that is where we lost the title. We five games to go, we were in a very strong position. I believe if we had won at Tottenham, then we would have been level with Chelsea today. And that of course brings immense regrets. But to be faithful to what we have done during the season it is important that we finish well, first to be in the top three, then be as close as possible to the top teams."

- Arsene Wenger, before the Blackburn game

It doesn't matter whether we win or lose, it's how we play the game.

That's what I've been hearing since I was in primary school. It was a useful lesson when I was twelve and I couldn't believe why other people were so stupid at maths. It was even more useful when I was seventeen, when I had become one of those "other people" who were stupid at maths. If you put your sense of worth in the results, you're never going to be satisfied, but if you put your sense of worth in the effort you put it, you're always going to be happy with the outcome.

So on the penultimate game of the season, maybe it's time to take stock of what we've done this year. We sold Adebayor and Toure, we brought in Vermaelen. We changed to a 4-3-3 and were flying before injuries brought us back into the pack. We did alright against the small clubs, but were stitched up time and again by the big clubs. Ramsey got his leg broken. Campbell came back and restored his reputation. Remarkably, we hung onto the title leaders until April, and then it all fell apart.

Was it a disappointing season? If you followed the season closely and got your hopes up when we went on that late-season winning spree, then yes. If we'd managed to strengthen in January, we would've won the league. If we'd bought a decent 'keeper, we would've won the league. If we'd had the foresight to plan for the inevitable absences of van Persie, Gallas and Song, we would've won the league. If we had any sort of defensive discipline, we would've won the league.

However, how many would've expected us to be 3rd at the end of the season? I didn't. I thought we'd be 4th, after fighting off Aston Villa and Man City all season. I never thought we'd be in contention until April. And really, that's a minor victory in itself. It's something to be glad about. We made some small improvements, and while there's still a lot of work to do before we're title contenders, we're heading in the right direction... hopefully.

Now all we have to do is: sign a fucking 'keeper, hire a defensive coach to oversee our tactical organisation; sign a fucking 'keeper; instil some discipline and hunger in our squad; sign a fucking 'keeper; bolster the squad with a few experienced players; sign a fucking 'keeper; review our medical team and our injury-management protocols; sign a fucking 'keeper.

I think I've said all this in an earlier post. But the problem is that the problems with Arsenal are remarkably clear to all. It just beggars the mind that Wenger doesn't want to acknowledge them. I hope Wenger's "immense regret" at the disappointing close to the season forces him to do some serious soul-searching over the summer, and finally address the issues that are holding us back.

As for the game against Blackburn, who really gives a fuck? I don't. I'd like us to win, but who cares about a dead match? The only thing I care about is what changes Wenger introduces in the summer.

So on the 355th last day of my 20s, I went to work, ate a cheese and herb scroll, sat in a medical centre waiting room for an hour reading Northanger Abbey, came home, had dinner, and started typing on this blog. And I kept thinking thoughts that aren't particularly constructive, and which are turning my brain into a goo of taffy-like consistency.

Blame the board, not the manager

"Anybody who is a real football fan or a real Arsenal fan will know it is David Dein who made the modern team what they are and it is he who brought us to the point we are at now. Arsene Wenger was merely, commercially appropriate."

- the blogger at Arsenal Muse

There was an interesting comment made by Arsenal Muse a couple of days ago. He said that managers and players win competitions and garner accolades, but it's the club which is ultimately responsible for success. Which, I suppose, means that it's the board that sets the agenda for the manager, the board that signs off on transfer funding and wages, the board which pressures the manager into either striving for trophies or playing within their finances.

No prizes for guessing where our board's priorities lie.

I think the reason for most gooners' exasperation at the board stems from lack of clarity at our goals. Either we're a club with the finances to legitimately challenge for the league, or we're not. Either we have the resources to buy the three players we need to complete the squad, or we don't. Either we make a full-bloodied challenge for the Premier League, or we dick around with a youth policy that's confusing and contradictory. It's irritating when we're constantly told one thing, but all evidence points to the other.

A lot of malcontents blame Wenger for everything. It's Wenger's fault that: we've got a squad filled with injury-prone players; we've tactically inept; we field shit goalkeepers; we have indulgent, spoilt young players who can't deal with pressure. While Wenger can be blamed for some of these things (tactics and player motivation are managerial issues) I think the lack of pressure from the board also creates a certain indulgent environment at the Arsenal. Wenger know he can do whatever he wants as long as he maintains Champions League football. He's allowed to neglect defensive drills, persist with his favourites, and not be mean to his players, because he's good enough to achieve targets on a tight budget.

The question is whether this is Wenger's fault. He been given a brief to achieve Champions League football on a budget. He achieves it every year. If you look around Europe, there aren't a lot of managers who could've done what Wenger's done.

However, to retain Champions League status, Wenger's had to do something strange. He's had to over-pay his youngsters to lure them from top clubs. He's had to continue to over-pay them to stop them leaving, and often he's paying wages based on potential, not ability. So he's got a bunch of players who are over-paid and who probably can't be offloaded until their contracts have been run down. Which means that it's often more cost-effective to persist with players that aren't great at the moment, but who may be great in the future, and who are still good enough to maintain 4th.

So we're treading water to see if our young players can amount to something. It's the commercial expedient thing to do. We achieve the board's primary goal every year. We continue our "interesting experiment". And if these players suddenly to click together and get it right, we've got team that's worthy of a premiership challenge. And that's happened twice in five years, so it kind of works.

And yes, we're still indulgent on our players. And we're stupid tactically. And we don't defend set pieces. And we have a bad medical team. But these are the consequences of a complacent regime. These are the 5% that hurt our team's premiership prospects, but which don't matter much in terms of finishing in the Top 4. Think about it from Wenger's point of view - why bother with this 5% if we're going to be another 10% short for being a Premier League contender anyway? It's just not worth it.

So, my contention is that the board sets the agenda. If we're unhappy with the way the club's been run (and I am unhappy), we've got to look at the board, not the manager.

So on the 356th last day of my 20s, I had an in-depth discussion with my mate and his wife about the girl of my dreams. It turns out that I have no chance; she likes committed Christians and pretty boys, and sadly, I am neither. But my mind is being slowly torn apart with strain. I have two choices: ask her out now with the certainty of failure but with this burden lifted; or turning myself around, and asking her in about 200 days' time, but under this stress for the whole time. My mate, who's worried about my sanity, recommends the former. My mate's wife, who's not so worried about my sanity, thinks I should do the latter.

I'm leaning towards waiting and changing, and allowing my mind to get stretched like taffy in the meanwhile. She's worth the risk to my sanity. She's worth a lot of things. And I hate failure. Although, as my mate suggested, I could do both - ask her out, get rejected, work on myself, get rejected in 200 days' time...

I bought Dookie on the way home. It's a funny album. Listening to Jeff Buckley (Je N'en Connais Pas La Fin) at the moment. I love the melody - it's wistful and dreamy, and it leaves me wishing that I can still remember my high school French.

Assou-Ekotto only plays for Spuds for the money

"I don't understand why everybody lies. The president of my former club Lens, Gervais Martel, said I left because I got more money in England, that I didn't care about the shirt. I said: "Is there one player in the world who signs for a club and says, Oh I love your shirt?" Your shirt is red. I love it. He doesn't care. The first thing that you speak about is the money."

- Benoît Assou-Ekotto, in a disarmingly honest interview

You've got to hand it to Assou-Ekotto. Most players in his situation (talented enough to play in the Premier League, not talented enough to shine) would keep their mouths shut, put their heads down and toe the company line. They'd say that it's an honour to pull on the shirt, that it's an honour to play for the club, that it's an honour to be loved by the fans.... and that they'd still play for the club for free, if they had to. It's common sense - unless you've the ability of a Ronaldo or an Arshavin, it's better not to make a name for yourself. Otherwise, people might start to question why you're earning such large amounts of money for running hard, kicking hard and sticking it up some foreigners.

Assou-Ekotto, on the other hand, freely admits that he plays football for the money. And beside the obvious dig that the only reason ANYONE would play for Tottenham would be for money, what he says is quite striking - he doesn't care personally for the footballers in his team (although he agrees that they're good guys), and he sees it as a 9 to 5 with obscene wages and a very early retirement. However, because he treats it as a job, he's also thoroughly professional and gives each training session and each match his full attention.

Makes you wish that some of the Arsenal players were only in it for the money.

Of course, most football fans want players to have some connection to the club. It's nice to read about how your captain loves the club and wants to stay the rest of his career. It's nice to see the academy kids come through the ranks and play with the same club they've been at since they were 11. It might just be a platitude, but it's reassuring to believe that the players care about the club as much as we do. Otherwise, we're stripped of the illusion and left with the reality that we're contributing a lot of money to make a bunch of young 20-somethings exceedingly rich for something they may not give a toss about.

But still, I think that as long as the player gives his best on the pitch, and isn't a complete tosser off it, it's good enough for me. Football is a results-orientated business. I'd rather we sign a pay-check player who's professional enough to not fuck up every game, rather than a good guy who loves the manager and the club but who has a game-fade every match. At the moment, I think we've enough of the latter at the Arsenal.

We're up for a few signings in the summer. Chamakh will be announced before the World Cup. Gallas will probably leave, and we'll bring in another defender to replace him. And as for the third? I'm hoping a goalkeeper - no real preference on whom, just anyone who's better than Almunia and Fabianski.

Whoever our new players will be, I bet there'll be a great show of kissing of badges, love for the club, admiration for Wenger, and belief in our rolling 5-year-plan and our glorious youth project. Really, I don't care anymore, I just want a sustained effort at the Premier League next season and an end to the fuck-ups that cost us year after year after year.

On the 357th last day of my 20s, I went to work, read a bit more Northanger Abbey, was offered a personal make-over in a few weeks time by my nurse (similar advice as last week - glasses, hair gel, nice T-shirts), and had a nap. I find myself increasingly tired on a Saturday afternoon, and often need a nap. I've asked around, and it seems common with people of my age. I'm left wondering whether I should admit the inevitable and buy a couple of cardigans and comfortable slippers.

Northanger Abbey is a strange, strange book. It's so self-consciously proud of the talent of the author. It's so eager to impress. The introductory essay in my edition describes it as juvenila, and I'm being to suspect it's true. This book is like the origin film in a super-hero franchise. You can't read the book without having one eye on the future.

Also, I think Henry Tilney's a bit of a tosser.