We haven't signed a new keeper

The transfer window's closed and we haven't signed a goalkeeper.

We're in terrible trouble. We were very, very close to signing a great goalkeeper, but we got priced out at the close of the transfer window, and we didn't have the time to look for another one. It's a shame, but what can we do? Arsene Wenger tried the best he can, and we can only applaud his tireless efforts to find someone who's better than Almunia or Fabianski.

It's a crying shame we don't know Superman. It would only take a few days to bid for a good goalkeeper, have the bid accepted, have a medical, and sign and present the new player to the public. Superman can reverse time by flying backwards around the Earth really fast, and give us the time needed to get the goalkeeper we need. It's a no brainer, but then again, if we buy Superman we're going to kill JET or one of our other kids.

It's a bit depressing, but then again, what can we do? We've a season ahead of watching Almunia concede near-post goals, fluff corners, get really anxious in big games and fall apart. And as an encore, when Almunia becomes "injured", we can always watch the comic stylings of Fabianski. We just have to grin and bear it, lay back and think of England.... they're even more of a fucking joke.

So on the 236th last day of my 20s, I went to work, left early, had dinner with my brother's family, and came home. Threw out a dodgy smelling lettuce that had been sitting in the fridge for a couple of weeks. Weighing up between tidying the house and going to sleep.