Lies, Damn Lies and Actim Stats

"Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that."

- Homer Simpson, Homer the Vigilante episode

I haven't read much Arsenal news in the past few days, and so it's a bit depressing to click on newsnow. It's the same old shit since last week - we're facing a clear-out, we're broke, we're rich, we're investing in youth, we're keeping faith in youth, our youth is crap, Denilson is the 16th best midfielder in the Premier League...

Gooners are firmly divided about Denilson. He doesn't contribute much on the creative side of things, he doesn't impose himself on games, and he doesn't tackle like a rabid dog on Ritalin. And yet, the stats tell us he's the 16th best midfielder in the Premier League. Denilson detractors say that Denilson's stats are the result of him passing backwards and sideways, and not the result of any special talent on his part. Denilson supporters look at the stats and say... stats don't lie.

Traditionalists tend to dismiss stats as bookish nonsense, the domain of nerds who were kicked off the pitch as kids and who've held a grudge against the more sporty types ever since. Traditionalist prefer to see what a player can do on the pitch, and not what stats get plugged into a computer program.

But still, stats don't lie. Denilson intercepts the ball. Denilson keeps the ball safe and makes the first pass a safe pass. It gives our players a chance to transition from defence to offence. It starts off the offensive move. It's no use hitting a speculative, first-time slide-rule pass if there's no one ready to receive it. Denilson's safety first play gives our team time to regroup. Which is good, as far as I can see. 

Then again, if we can get this man, I'd much prefer him to Denilson.

And I'm just thinking about the Barcelona team that are now, officially, the best team to have ever played football in the history of Earth for all time. There are three ex-Arsenal players (Henry, Hleb, Sylvinho). There is one Arsenal triallist (Yaya Toure), and one Arsenal target (Eto'o). And I'm thinking about how good OUR side could've been if we'd keep some players, bought some others....

But you know, such is life. 

We won something

Hey, we won something this year.

A Youth FA Cup isn't to be sniffed at, especially considering the trophy drought over the past four years. And Youth FA Cups can be a springboard to success; I remember the Man Utd side that won it once, or something like that. I don't know. I can't be expected to remember such details; after all, it's not like a Youth FA Cup is particularly important.

And that's the dilemma. It don't mean nothing unless the kids translate this success to the Premier League. It's thrilling to see them winning something, but. 6-2 on aggregate, 2-1 at Anfield for the second leg.

Only one question - why isn't it a knockout tournament like the FA Cup proper?

Adebayor's flip-flop

"All I can say is I am a footballer and if a club like Milan are interested in me then I cannot lie to you, I am happy, because it is Milan. But the thing is that it stops there – I am very happy playing for Arsenal, and this is what I always say."

- Emmanuel Adebayor, talking out of his arse

I'm puzzled as to what Adebayor's thinking at the moment. First he presents himself to Milan like a baboon in heat. Right before a Champions League semi-final. And now that the season's shot to pieces and we're trophy-less yet again, he wants to stay?

I don't get it.

An ambitious man would've kept his mouth shut while we were still in contention for trophies. An ambitious man would've raised a fuss after the season's over, and we're still stuck in 4th and not likely to advance. The fact that Adebayor went about things the other way, shows that he's not an ambitious man.

Maybe Adebayor likes the comfort of 80k a week for a half-arsed job. Maybe Adebayor likes a club that almost guarantees him Champions League football, and the certainty of not having to compete for his position. Maybe the guy wants to cruise on what he has at the moment, and not want to maximise his God-given potential. Maybe he's had enough of working hard and running hard, and he just wants to be a superstar who doesn't have to work. And maybe that's the reason he still wants to be with the Arsenal.

I don't know, and it shits me off. The Arsenal shouldn't be a lazy paycheck. Players should want to play for the club because we're challenging for trophies and we're one of the best clubs in the world. The fact that Adebayor's wanting to stick with us because it's easy shits me off. We're the Arsenal, and we're not the soft option.

I don't know whether we should keep Adebayor. On a good day, when he's switched on, he's one of the best strikers in the world. On a bad day, he's worse than Nicky Bendtner. It depends on which Adebayor fronts up next season. If we get the casual Adebayor of this season, we're better off selling him; for whatever we can get for him.

Man Utd vs Barcelona tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll getup early to watch it. I'd like to see Henry win the Champions League. He was a gun for the Arse, and it's nice to see him achieve his ambition. Awful sad that he couldn't do it at the Arse, though.

Youth FA Cup

Hey, we won the Academy league title and we're in the youth FA Cup final. It's a pleasant surprise, considering how depressing most of the rest of the season has been. And while it's a bit pointless to wax lyrical about kids who haven't done much yet, it's still nice to fantasise. 

We've a good bunch of lads coming through. Jack Wilshere will be awesome for us. Frimpong and Thomas are monsters, and Lansbury's like a two-footed Energiser bunny. Plus, we've got the impressive Coquelin incubating as our next defensive midfielder. There's a lot of talent in the Academy, and it's remarkable to think that these lads could all be in the first team in five years. An Arsenal, English spine - imagine that. 

It's just hype, of course. We had a similarly rated Carling Cup side a couple of years ago. 5-2 away at Anfield. Carling Cup final. Diaby, Denilson, Song, Bendy, Djourou and Quincy were all supposed to the next big things. And what happened? We found out that under all that hype, it was just a bunch of kids with a lot of potential but nothing concrete. This current league-cup double side may be great, but you never know. 

It's good to dream, though. 

Meanwhile, Wenger's after "little Messi". How tiny must that guy be?

Real Madrid and Ronaldo

Turns out that Florentino Perez isn't going to bid for Cristano Ronaldo if he's elected president of Real Madrid. The deal was struck by Ramon Calderon, and now that Calderon's stepped down as president, it's not going ahead. The fact that the pre-contract agreement with Ronaldo is illegal probably didn't help, either. 

There's another reason, as well. 

The £75 million that Ramon Calderon was willing to stump up for Ronaldo was apparently Real Madrid's entire transfer budget. Perez has wisely decided that discretion is the best part of valour, and will ration out the joy with a series of "mini-Galactico" purchases. It's a far cry from the days of mega-signings like Figo, Zidane, Ronaldo and em... Thomas Gravesen, but maybe in the face of the greatest recession since the Great Depression, we've all got to tighten our belts. 

Perez will have to content himself with trying to sign Kaka, Ribery, Xabi Alonso, David Villa....

Meanwhile, Wenger will probably have £50 million to spend. After he sell Adebayor, of course. It's a heck of a lot of money, and if it's all spent, it could aid us immeasurably. Maybe we could buy some of Madrid's surplus players? Or make a bid for Villa and Silva before the other big clubs do? It's worth a shot. Money in the bank's dead money. But money squandered in a wild, extravagant splurge? 

That's pure Perez. 

Fashions at the Emirates

This'll be quick, because I've 10 mins of internet left. 

The Owl is friends with Cesc and Bendy. It makes sense. Arshavin has a degree in high fashion. Bendy has a penchant for pink boots. Cesc likes his puffy parkas. Together, they're the fashionistas of Highbury. We might not win the league next year (actually if you give creedence to Peter Hill-Wood's regular outbursts, that's highly probable), but we'll win the fashion stakes. 

Maybe the English FA should consider awarding premiership points for the most well-groomed football side?

0-0 at Old Trafford

So we drew 0-0, and Man Utd won the title. It's not the end of the world. There are worse things that could've happened. In January we were 5th and a game away from being 6th. We were out-played by Everton, and we were shambolic. In May, we're 4th and although we haven't won anything, at least we've achieved the minimum of the Champions League. There are worse things in the world. 

Take me for example. I'm sitting in a cafe off Hay Street and I'm homeless, friendless and  taking advantage of free wifi. Don't know why the hell I'm here, don't know what the hell possessed me to come over to Perth. Just wanted a change, and here I am. In hindsight, it's really quite baffling. 

But on the bright side, at least my mind's off Arsenal's woes.