The Fugly Duckling

"We are not naive enough to think it is not linked to money. He says he wants to stay and if he goes somewhere else that means it is linked to what?"

- Arsene Wenger, with regards to Flamini

I'm paid like shit to do a job I find very rewarding. There's something innately satisfying about providing a service for people who otherwise could not afford it. You get all warm and tingly when clients are genuinely appreciative of your efforts. You feel like you've done something worthwhile. At times, it's the only reason that makes you come back the next day.

However, I've spent five years working at this place, and it's time to walk away.

In my office, above my desk, there's a map of Australia. I've got pins scattered along the eastern coast, and post-it notes girt the sea. When I'm working, while I'm waiting for the local anesthetic to take effect, I walk over to the map and look at all the sleepy beach-side towns in Queensland and NSW. In my mind, I've already got one foot out the door.

Depending on where I go, I could make up to four times what I earn now. But when I sit in my office and daydream about the future, I'm not fantasizing about big wads of cash and convertibles. It's not the reason I want to move. Rather, I'm dreaming of the beach, sub-tropical weather, and that sound the sea makes when it hisses over the sand. I'm dreaming of a chance to change and reinvent myself. I'm dreaming of a fresh start.

It's not always about the money.

When you're the ugly duckling, sometimes you need to leave the nest before you truly start to believe you can be a swan. Self improvement is a nebulous concept. When you're stuck in the same place, surrounded by the same people, sifting through the same old thought processes, change is an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish. Whenever you try to leave, old habits pull you back in. If you're serious about changing, sometimes you've just got to cut yourself off from everything you know and love.

I think it's disingenuous of Wenger to say it's all about the money. Flamini has always been dismissed as Arsenal's ugly duckling. He's forced his way past Gilberto, Diarra, Diaby and Denilson, and he's been instrumental to our success this year. Based on this year's form he's matured into an exceptional defensive midfielder.

However, doubts persist, don't they? I still don't rate him highly. I still think he's an earnest trier on a very long hot-streak. I suspect Wenger thinks the same, and hence, the unrealistic contract offer. It's difficult to change the perceptions of the people who've known you the longest.

If I stepped into Flamini's shoes right now, I imagine I'd be feeling a lot of frustration. I'd have had my head turned by the superstar wages offered by Milan and Juve. I'd have had my ego boosted by the praise from all corners. I'd have the incredible satisfaction of knowing that I'd proved all those detractors wrong, that I WAS good enough to play for this side.

And yet, when that new Arsenal contract came along, I'd have been deflated. In this day and age, money equals respect. If I'd been the best player for the season, I'd expect wages comparable to the best in the team. Fair's fair. To be offered a contract substantially less than that is to told that, no, you're not that good and you're still a mediocre stand-by. It would be incredibly frustrating, and I'd be agitating for a move to a club where my qualities were respected and valued. I'd want to show the world that I'd changed into a swan.

If I was Flamini, I'd be stalling on that contract, too.