Chamakh's not going to kill van Persie

"He looks a good player. He is strong in the air and scores lots of goals with his head. He looks confident on the ball so hopefully the transfer goes through. It is good for all of us to have competition and that's why I am happy to see him coming."

- Robin van Persie, regarding Marouane Chamakh's imminent arrival

Well, van Persie doesn't think that Chamakh's arrival will kill him. In fact, van Persie seems to relish the prospect of having another striker in the squad. So maybe the arrival of new, experienced players doesn't have mean the death of one of our bright young things.

With Chamakh and van Persie both looking for a starting spot, there's been a couple of theories about how we'll line up next season:

The first theory is that we'll revert to a traditional 4-4-2. Personally, I don't think it's likely. The reason we moved from a 4-4-2 was because we didn't have the box-to-box players to play in central midfield. We needed a dedicated defensive midfielder to sit in front of the defence and cover for the surging runs of our kamikaze centre-backs. I don't think that that's changed in the intervening 12 months. If anything, we're more likely to need TWO defensive midfielders to cover for our kamikaze centre-backs, our suicidal full-backs and our manic-depressive goalkeepers.

The second theory is that we're going to see van Persie at the head of a 4-3-3, with Chamakh replacing Bendtner on the right. For whatever reason, Wenger loves his weird right-wing centre-forward idea. And it worked fairly well early in the season. We used it to release pressure from the midfield, and I remember Bendtner got a lot of free headers in the early games. Chamakh's got the mobility to play that role, and his work-rate is pretty good. And when van Persie gets his inevitable four-month lay-off, we'll see Chamakh slide over to the middle, and Bendtner will start on the right.

I'm actually quite excited about Chamakh joining the Arsenal. From what I've seen from Bordeaux's matches in the Champions League, he's an intelligent, hard-working centre-forward who can lead the line, stretch the defence, has a header like a mountain goat, and who lacks a bit of presence in front of goal. He's perfect for Arsenal. My mouth is watering in anticipation of all those chances he'll create and then fuck up.

Whatever the case, I don't think we'll be seeing any body-bags outside the Emirates this summer.

Incidentally, if Arshavin leaves, I'd like us to start playing Walcott on the left. I think Theo's a lovely boy on the right wing, but he'd be a much nicer boy on the left. That way he'll make the most of his three gifts - niceness, blinding speed, and a decent finish. I think it's a bit of a waste trying to turn him into an outside winger if he can't cross, can't beat his man with the ball, and has poor decision-making skills. He's better off cutting in from the left and shooting on sight. He can be the left-wing Freddie of the '10s.

In other news, Cesc Fabregas is suffering from the impatience of youth. As he told Marca:

"If I leave Arsenal it will be to play at Barcelona. I do not know when it will happen, I am very happy at Arsenal and I am in no hurry to leave. Before the World Cup I want to know my future, because playing at a World Cup and having something on your mind does not help anyone."

I suppose a month can seem like a long time when you're young. When you're in school, a two week term-holiday can feel like forever. I'm guessing that it's much the same with footballers and their summer vacations. I wouldn't read too much into this quote. Cesc is probably kicking around at home, gotten bored with all his Playstation games, and is wondering what he's going to do until it's time to jet off to South Africa. Two whole weeks with nothing to do??? He's going to go crazy.

So on the 344th last day of my 20s, I went to work, came home, ate a pie and a couple of chicken drumsticks. I had one of those disturbing sex dreams about one of my nurses the other day, and it's made working with her these past couple of days a bit weird. It makes me start noticing things about her that I really shouldn't be noticing in a work environment. She's blonde, petite, and has interesting features in all the usual places... and every fortnight she goes into the hills with her brothers to shoot rabbits and foxes.

So I'm thinking maybe not. I draw the line with girls who are proficient with firearms and able to hit moving targets from a distance. It's a sensible precaution for a guy who's ended up pissing off every girl he's ever met.

Listened to Fleet Foxes' eponymous album in the car today - it's quite interesting, like a collection of gothic, folksy, agricultural hymnals. I've never heard anything like it. Listening to Bic Runga's Beautiful Collision at the moment, which isn't nearly as interesting but which is a nice sugar-poppy way to end the day.

All in all, a disquieting day.

Lachter isn't working for Arshavin anymore?

"Denis Lachter has not been representing my interests for a year now, he is not my agent. He does not have any information regarding my prospects and career plans, so his statements about my future endeavors shouldn’t be taken for a fact or paid attention to."

- Andrei Arshavin, from his official website

I've been following the Arshavin to Barcelona story fairly closely so far. I think Dennis Lachter is an evil genius of a football agent, and I admire the sheer amorality of his work. This guy does everything he can to get his client the best deal. And if the above quote is true, he's even willing to do it for his former clients as well.

What a guy!

Ordinarily, I'd see this a pretty firm denial of everything Lachter's said. But then again, this IS Dennis Lachter we're talking about. It's not beyond Lachter to get Arshavin to deny any official link with him, thus allowing Lachter free reign to wreck havoc without any of damage falling onto Arshavin. Actually, it's not beyond Lachter to fake his own death, then declare in his video will that his last wish was for Arsenal to sell Arshavin to Barca.... with Lachter getting a £3m posthumous agent fee.

I'm not sure what's going to happen next. It could be that Lachter goes deep undercover, and won't surface until the World Cup, when we find out that he's sold Pedro to Man City for £100m, and Arshavin's been trialling secretly at Barca. It could be that Lachter starts making even more outlandish comments about Arshavin, Arsenal and Barca. Whatever the case, I'm hooked. It'll be much better viewing than the World Cup.

In other "news", Chamakh acknowledges his pre-contract with us, and admits he's going to be an Arsenal player in 11 days' time. He says:

"I count the days, 11 short days. As time passes, it feels weird. I feel many emotions. I am delighted to join the English football atmosphere, it is something amazing. I love Arsenal's game. I know I will have to adapt but I know the short passing game."

Chamakh's getting quite emotional about moving here. I can sympathise. I've been quite emotional after our recent run of results. I can imagine Chamakh feeling a couple very strong emotions about the thought of joining such a squad next season. Well, he's signed already, so he's not in a position to back out now.

Where is he going to play? Probably up on the right when van Persie's well, and he'll probably move into the centre when van Persie breaks down. He's fast enough, strong enough, holds up the ball and has a good header. He'll do as a centre-forward, and if we can keep the other players interested, hard-working and injury-free, we might do alright next season.

So on the 352nd last day of my 20s, I woke up, had a run, went to work, came home. Not a lot else happened. My shoulder aches, and I'm finding it hard to get it past horizontal. Think lI'll take a shower.

Thoughts about Chamakh's mullet

I just finished watching Bordeaux vs Olympiakos. Rumour has it that Marouane Chamakh is coming to Arsenal next season, and after this morning's performance, I wouldn't be displeased if it happened. There's a lot to like about Chamkah's game. He's fast, strong, got a good leap, and would fit in well at the top of our 4-3-3.

Of course, Chamakh isn't the finished article. He doesn't score a lot of goals (but then which Arsenal striker does?). He doesn't have a good first touch (then again, neither does Bendtner). There's still the nagging suspicion that we're targeting him because he's cheaper than say, Karim Benzema. But still, I'd be happy to see him in a red shirt with white sleeves next season.

The other thing I like about Chamakh is that he's got an amazing mullet. In a world of short-back-and-sides, Chamakh stand out like a denim-clad bogan at a society ball. I like it because it's a classic mullet - very short at the top and the sides, and a long tail at the back. A lot of Latin players have long hair that's held back with an alice band, but it's not the same as a genuine mullet.

The mullet had its hey-day in the 70s and 80s, when just about every major sportsman sported a mullet and a 'mo. Since then, its popularity has declined. There are still a few mullets floating around in sport, but it's increasingly rare in the English-speaking world. A good omen is that those few footballers who DO sport mullets seem to be quite good players.

Eduardo da Silva had one when he first signed with us, but has since succumbed to peer pressure and gone for a short-back-and-sides. Is it any wonder that his drop in form coincided with his change in haircut (as well as the horrific, near injury-ending tackle)? Grow the mullet, Eduardo, and the goals will flow like your lanky neck hair!

Sergio Aguero is famous for being Maradona's successor and Maradona's son-in-law, but he should probably also be known as heir to Maradona's mullet. I think he's gone for the long hair with Alice-band combo now, but this picture of him with the Argentina side shows how much post-Maradona Argentina has missed a fast impish player with a bogan haircut.

And then, of course, there's the best player in the world. Lionel Messi has been in a mullet for as long as I can remember, and I dare say it's helped him in his development. Maybe it helps his balance. Maybe because his neck is obscured, the opposition can't tell which way he's going to turn. Who knows, but there's got to be a reason he's kept it all these years.

Now, I'm not saying Chamakh's going to be as good as Aguero or Messi (or as good as Eduardo was before he changed his hairstyle), but you can't deny the pattern. A striker with a mullet is a good prospect. I know it. You know it. And most importantly, Arsene Wenger knows it.

Arsene Knows.