"Mad Dog” Cesc wants revenge on Moyes

"Fabregas' comments to the referee and the fourth official at half-time coming down the tunnel warranted a sending off. I’m not going to repeat them, but they were disappointing comments from such a talented footballer."

- David Moyes, baiting angry bear that is Cesc Fabregas’ fury

Okay, that’s a tasteless, baseless, sensationalist heading designed to attract readers. It’s a blatant lie without a shred of evidence to back it up. I could get sued for libel. But then I’m probably fairly safe. It’s not far off what some of the stories on the web are like.

Because if the papers are right, Cesc Fabregas is a spitting, snarling, puffy-parka wearing Catalan who waves imaginary red cards at refs and verbally judo-kicks the opposition in the tunnel at half-time. He’s clearly a threat to the Premier League’s reputation, a bad influence on the minds of impressionable English younglings and a hair’s breath away from taking his boots off at half time in order to stab the opposition bench with his sharpened boot studs.

These days, it seems like Cesc Fabregas is more monster than man.

My question is that, considering the reprehensible conduct of young Cesc these days, why is David Moyes trying to antagonise him? Doesn’t he know that Cesc “the Animal” Fabregas is a red-eyed, spiteful spitfire of fury, and would turn on Moyes and all he holds dear? Isn’t he afraid that Cesc will hide in the bushes of his front yard, waiting for a chance to spit into his eyes? Or that he’ll walk up to Moyes and tell him in a disdainful manner that Barcelona don’t play with a Timmy Cahill in the hole?

He’s a bit of a hero, is David Moyes. He’s broken the tunnel-room omerta and told it as it is. Moyes is taking a stand, and not being intimidated by the “what happens in the tunnel, stays in the tunnel” bullshit that Wenger and Mad Dog Fabregas are so eager to inforce. Moyes has got to know what happens to whistle-blowers, and yet, he’s still sticking to his guns.

Surely, there’s enough circumstantial evidence to arrest Fabregas, try him, and throw him out of England. There’s that spat with Mark Hughes a few years.... after which Cesc went up to Hughes and apologised. Then there’s that spitting episode with Hull City’s assistant manager... where no charges could be laid and where no evidence could be found other than that photo which showed Cesc clearly wearing a puffy-parka. Then there’s that Twitter comment by the Hudderfield player saying Cesc wouldn’t exchanged shirts with his teammates... which was later retracted with an apology.

I mean, the list is endless, innit?

Personally, I like trivia and gossip about footballers. It’s shallow, and tacky, and a gross invasion of privacy. It’s schadenfreude mixed with glamour and gussied up like Footballers’ Wives. However, I object to gossip beat-ups. There are plenty of reprehensible, shocking, disgusting, foul, vicious, violent, amoral footballing activities to gossip about, without having to exaggerate minor footballing misdemeanours.

Yes, Cesc seems a bit spiky and frustrated when things aren’t going his way, and he’s probably a bad loser. He’s probably the kind of person who rips the controller out of the console when he loses in FIFA. But in a world where Andy Carroll beats people up, Gerrard knocks out a DJ, Terry sleeps with his mate’s ex, Barton puts out a cigarette in a teammate’s eye, Bowyer and Dyer fight on the pitch in the middle of a game, Rooney fucks prostitutes while his wife is pregnant.... being a sore loser about a blatantly wrong off-side decision isn’t the worse thing in the world, is it?