Saturday, March 6, 2010

Arsenal don't like the hard stuff

Plucky Burnley aren't going to be intimidated by our broken legs, injured players and whinging manager. They're going to go out and play their natural game, and to hell with the consequences. As Burnley defender Leon Cort said:

"We are going to go there and still throw tackles in because it is a physical game and we are fighting for our lives. I don't believe anyone goes there to kick them. People know that when they play against Arsenal they have to get in their faces and stop them from playing.

"Maybe Arsene's done it for a psychological advantage. Quite a lot of his players are small and move the ball a lot quicker so there are going to be a lot of mis-timed tackles. A lot of teams try to get tight to them and put them under pressure when they get the ball as if they don't they will punish you."

Attaboy, Leon. It takes courage to stick the boot in. It takes a real man to come in late on a challenge to let those fancy-dan foreigners know what English football's really about, innit? Got to show them that they're in a real game, and you're not just going to roll over and lose. And if another one of those Arsenal players gets his leg snapped like a twig, it was just an accident, wasn't it? And you can't blame a guy for committing an accident.

My favourite line from the above is that "maybe Arsenal have done it for a psychological advantage". Yes Leon, Arsenal have done it for a psychological benefit. We purposely got Smith to break Diaby's ankle, Taylor to break Eduardo's foot, and Shawcross to break Ramsey's leg, in order to take the violent, reckless tackling out of English football. It's part of a huge conspiracy, fronted by Blatter and Platini, to neuter the English game and take English players away from the English League, in order to cripple England's chances of winning the World Cup.

The line I'm most worried about is that Leon Cort believes that they are "fighting for their lives". Judging from his statement to the Sun, he wasn't the brightest kid in the classroom. I'm worried that he might take it literally, think he really is fighting for his life. A man does desperate things in desperate situations. I'm afraid that if someone doesn't take him aside and gently explain how a metaphor works, Cort will take to the field with a shank glued to the underside of his boots, in order to show the Arsenal that it's a physical game, innit?

Of course, a player like Cort takes his cue from his manager. Which brings us to Burnley manager Brian Laws, who seems to have taken the wrong lessons from the Ramsey injury:

"I think everyone seems to be focusing on the Ramsey scenario and no-one wishes an injury like that on anyone. Arsene Wenger has mentioned the fact and so it gets scrutinised even more. But we can't worry about that as long as we go in there and challenge fairly and be strong. People talk about 'getting in their faces' and if that is what it takes then that is what we will have to do."

Next season, I strongly advocate we dress our boys up in full suits of armour. It's the only way we're going to keep their bones inside their skin. And if we give them maces, our boys could create a few "accidents" of our own.

I really, really hope we stuff them.

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